Staying in my lane means not taking a back seat when it comes to what I want in a dating relationship. Point blank. Certainly, my general femininity invites a man to take the lead, but when it comes to my health and well-being, it's not his call. I cannot defer to someone else. If a man says, "well, I'm just meeting people and if it happens it happens," I don't try to argue or convince him that a serious relationship is better. I simply tell him that it doesn't seem we are looking for the same thing. This lessens frustration or needless anxiety.
One guy amended what he said when I did this. I'd like to think it was because he found me sooo attractive. And being the lady that I am, I gave him a chance to prove me wrong. We had a great time but he proved that what he said was truly where he was emotionally: "just meeting people and if it happens it happens." I made a pact with myself to give him a select amount of time and no more. Needless to say, our encounter was brief which leads to another way I stay in my lane.
I don't remain in an unsatisfying situation because of a man's potential to be what I want. I read somewhere that women fall I love with what we hear. We also fall in love with a man's potential. That love is short-lived though if he doesn't deliver. In the past, I've stayed mentally involved in hopes that, given time, he'd make good on what he said. This has invariably always led to frustration. So now, I no longer allow his charm, his looks, his words, or his humor to cloud my judgment. I give him a week. If he's inconsistent, sends mixed signals or makes excuses for not showing up, I discontinue contact. I thank him for his time and wish him well.
With online dating, staying in my lane means a face-to-face meeting as early as possible. If I spend too much time emailing, texting or talking on the telephone with a guy, it purports a premature familiarity. A bond of sorts. It's silly for a man you've never met to start calling you "sweetheart" or "baby." I have to keep it real. A man shouldn't be allowed that kind of access until you meet him in person.
I know that life comes up. Truly it does. Still, it sends a disingenuous message when the subject of meeting each other isn't brought up any further unless I bring it up. Or if a man can't drive 30 minutes to meet you in a week's time. We're not even talking a date, simply a face-to-face over coffee. No woman wants a man she has to twist his arm to meet. Besides, if a man can't show up to meet you, then it leaves little hope that he'll show up in the relationship. Can't waste my time talking with someone who can't show up.
I guess all in all you could say that staying in my lane is making my actions line up with my confession. Integrity. I want to keep my heart open, rebuild my confidence and have something meaningful with an available man. Integrity dictates that if an encounter does not line up, then I have to cut it loose.
