Early man must have stopped running for a moment to notice a
pattern, a Law if you will. He observed
the animals, the ocean, the trees and the sky.
He learned that there were signs, rhythms and seasons to things. Day and night, Sunrise and Sunset were a
certainty—unless he lived in Alaska...lol When
the wind would shift, birds would fly overhead and dark clouds would gather hiding the Sun, I’m
sure he scratched his head totally confused.
I can imagine he came home to his mate and told her how the clouds ate
the Sun that day. Until he lingered long enough to discover that the Sun was not
eaten at all, I can imagine his fear. With time and observation, he realized the Sun was shining
brightly all the time. Clouds were simply blocking it.
This season in my life has caused a resurgence of anxiety
and panic. The feelings of well-being
are being overwhelmed by what-if's. What if I don’t have enough of this or that. And if I have enough for right now, what
about next week, next month, next year? To
be honest, I have always struggled with an out-of-sorts all-encompassing feeling. Mom
called it “nerves.” The DSM-IV
(dictionary of mental disorders) calls it an anxiety.
Wikipedia says that anxiety covers four aspects of
experiences: mental apprehension,
physical tension, physical symptoms and dissociative anxiety. If any of those descriptors make you curious, you can google anxiety disorder and read more about them. My takeaway is it is quite human to worry from time
to time. A disorder exists however when anxiety is chronic or obsessive. The disorder can manifest
as generalized anxiety disorder, phobic disorder and panic disorder. I have had to face how fear of
lack has been a constant struggle to my experience of life.
I don’t know what happened in my
childhood or what organic factors contributed to my nervous
predisposition. It is an up and down struggle though.
I volunteer at WakeMed Hospital in the children’s ward. Last week, while talking with a hospital
worker, a blue light started whirring overhead and emitted an odd sound. I had not heard it before. It wasn’t a siren so I knew I didn’t need to
leave the premises, but it was some type of alarm. Pretty soon a security officer came walking
briskly up the hallway. She said that
what we were hearing was an alert that somebody might be trying to steal a
child. Not only was there an alarm but exit
doors locked, elevators couldn’t be used and other unseen safety guards were
activated thereby preventing that person or child from getting out of the
hospital. An anxiety disorder happens
much the same way. You feel alarmed by
something and every action you take is in proportion to the intensity of the alarm.
In the midst of all this, I have had two aha moments. One, I am not the anxiety. Two, there is a Law that supersedes all
other laws.
Anxious is how I feel, it is not who I am. I may feel afraid, but I am not afraid. I am who I am when I feel peaceful, secure and
loving. That's who I am. I am full of gratitude. I am awed by God’s provision in my life. I am observing a stronger me emerging out of the chaos. I am
resourceful, smart, creative and courageous.
I am clear about what I want and why I’m doing what I am doing. I am committed to showing up for that regardless to flashes of lightning
and ear-splitting thunder. I am authentic and allow that to guide my decisions. This is the Sun that is peeking out from
behind blurrying clouds and adverse conditions.
It is true that there are natural laws. The Sun rises and sets every single day. You can count on it. Just the same, there is a Law that trumps that law. I call it the Law of Purpose. The Bible is filled with stories or metaphoric
illustrations of that Law in action. In the book of Joshua there is an account of
the day the sun stood still. In the New Testament, Peter bids Jesus to invite him to walk on water. Though some
would argue that this is absolutely ludicrous, you cannot discount that there are constantly emerging
realities that to-this-day defy all reason.
The Law of Aerodynamics says that a bumblebee should not be able to fly. But it does.
Purpose creates a way where there is none. Even two fish and five loaves blessed by
Purpose can feed 5000 with baskets full of leftovers. Ask J. K. Rowling, the brilliant mind behind
the Harry Potter books or Cordia Harrington, a multimillionaire who went from
rags to riches by investing $587 into an idea. Both had some challenges,
true, but a Greater Consciousness was definitely at work in their lives.
In the final analysis, the biggest aha is there is no need for fear. It is a useless waste of time, energy and
spirit. Bishop Jakes said once, “you’ll
wreck your car swatting at gnats.” Gnats
are small details that you don’t plan for but can frustrate the heck out of
you. You might simply open your windows
to let the sunshine and gentle breeze blow through and find gnats swirling
around your head: getting all in your
face when you try to eat or buzzing in your ears when you try to watch TV. With all our preparation and calculations, gnats
do come. What I now realize is that it
is a disorder to focus more on the gnats than on the journey.
Gnats are not to be feared, they are to be managed. This is the bedrock for opportunity. Opportunities for raised awareness, for
digging deeper, for expansion, for solution. Just as it
would be futile to pray away an ocean, it is futile to pray that gnats stop existing. Maybe the prayer should be, “God, show me
the solution." Then our job becomes looking and
listening. Purpose will reveal the answer.
Purpose will reveal what is needed to erradicate or to overcome every obstacle.
I don’t know where my “nerves” came from. I don’t have to know. All I need to know is God is. So, I can allow doubt and fear to run amok
or I can open my mind to a boundless supply and ideas. He is driving this vehicle called my life. Attraversiamo….let’s cross over!
