It's becoming the norm. Wake up at 7:00am. Roll over to the left side of the bed. Reach for my laptop awaiting on the floor below. Plug in the battery charger. Open it up. Type, type...rat-a-tat-tat. What a ride I'm on!
Who would have thought that my life would be so exciting! Photo shoots, book covers, videos, collaborative sessions - a darn good man - smiling, creating and attracting the life I want. And did I say a darn good man?
I feel the energy of this next level every single morning. And despite being dog tired by the end of the day, I have a hard time shutting it off. Like the Skittles commercial, I feel like the little boy that starts vibrating with such joy he bursts into hundred of little Skittles.
I prayed for this. I prayed that I would get up every morning excited about my day. I prayed that I'd live my life on my terms. I hated being at somebody else's beck and call. I wanted to do my life my way. If you had asked me a year ago today, I couldn't have dreamed that this would be my today. I was grieving a huge loss, hated going to work so badly I could hardly get out of bed and was being tortured by menopausal symptoms. I didn't know right from left. All I knew was agony of the soul. Sure, I smiled and only a few people knew I was hurting so badly. But every morning and every night my soul wailed bitterly. You know how it feels. It's like life has spun you around so fast that everything is a blur and you can't get your balance.
Grief gave way to no money. The savings I had when I first went on leave and later left my job dwindled down to maybe, what, $10 or $20 dollars. Had it not been for my boyfriend, my sister, an old college chum and my son, I shudder to think of what would have happened. Sure, I had good girlfriends who came by, sat with me, let me cry, watched movies with me, brought over food and all, but that was because of the death of my cousin. Little did they know that their sister was broke as Job's turkey. It was the pits. I think that's why people cling to stuff that they honestly don't want. They fear being broke, alone, isolated. I was no different. I was so emotionally entangled in my then-job for those very reasons that I shed more tears of exhaustion over that job than tears of grief. My employer kept calling me. It became so burdensome that when my cell would ring, I was afraid to look at it.
I can't blame him too much though. I helped to create his dependency and that of the company. His life was still going on. The company still needed to operate. Accounting still needed to be done. I was proud that I was the only person that knew my job. It made me feel needed and valuable. Still, though initially disguised as a rope extended to me to take me higher, it was ever so insidiously wrapping around my neck, tightening with every call. That's why we don't need to let our ego build our life. It makes us feel good in the beginning but it is a trap later. Who wants to be tangled up in something that won't even allow you to grieve one of the biggest losses in your life?
It had to happen. Not my cousin dying, but my coming to that place. That place where you cannot make yourself do it one...more...day. I understand it all now. I understand why small business owners and entrepreneurs are as they are. They hate working for somebody else. They need their own. There's a dream with their names attached and it haunts them until they answer that call.
In my book--that will be available in the Spring by the way (shameless plug....lol)--I talk about God telling me "Don't put me in a box. I'm too big for that." I didn't understand it then but I finally get it. I've just had an aha! God's voice was my voice. It was His Image inside of me, the real me, sharing something vital with me about me: Don't put Suzette in a box. She's too big for that. Wow! How could I have ever thought a box would be okay no matter how big or cleverly wrapped? A box is still a box. A prison is still a prison. I had to break out. It was declared way back when I was a child. Anything that tried to box me in had to let me go. Either they were going to walk away or I was. It's nobody's fault. That's simply what happens when you're out of place or your life lesson is over. We might think we're suppose to be there until we're old, gray and toothless, but a Someone Wiser than us knows differently.
Well, I'm off to write my Inspirational Corner for Fine Success Magazine. I've enjoyed sharing. To find out more about my book and activities leading up to the launch, go to and LIKE my Purposeful Connections Facebook page. More to come. Cyber hug!
