I've been sooooo busy.  This week, I started my new part-time job.  Who else but God would have both part-time jobs within 5 minutes of each other.  Really.  They're that close!  Add to that, both employers are flexible.  The hours are complementary.  This thing is strategically mastered down to the smallest detail.  God is such a Strategist.  Along with Alpha, Omega, the beginning and the end, I have to insert Strategist.  Both jobs are transitioning in such a way that I'll be able to learn one without being overwhelmed with the other.     Only God could plan this thing so masterfully.

I've heard it said, "if you take care of God's business, He'll take care of your's."  Of course, it's always been used when it comes to Church Membership Etiquette 101.  Certainly, if you are going to be a member of anything, you need to be a good member.  Notwithstanding, I've found out that your Purpose is God's business.  He put that purpose down inside of you to serve the world.  It is his thumbprint on your existence.  It validates why you are here.  So, it's not honorable to put someone else's purpose above your own as if God has a fragmented view of what he calls good.  I see it often in church.  The preacher tells you that God blesses you for supporting His Vision.  I believe that' has merit.  But I don't believe God would bless your neglecting the vision He's placed in you in order to do it.  

I won't belabor that.  It's not truly my point anyway.  I'm just seeing a Greater, Wiser Energy directing my Life.  The more I set aside time to honor the dream He's placed in my heart, the more I look around and see my environment changing accordingly.

It's so much fun!  I didn't expect fun when building my businesses, but I am thoroughly enjoying every part of it.  From the creative to the interpersonal to the marketing to the sitting down with clients, I am relishing every part of it.  I now see it is key to my fulfillment and joy.  For that reason, I have to protect it and make decisions that make room for it.  Now that I respect it, the Universe is respecting it too.  How cool!

Is Your Dream Big Enough?

"If your dream is big enough, the odds don't matter," said Dennis Gaddy as he addressed his audience comprised mainly of formerly incarcerated men and women and prospective volunteers.  This caused the hairs on my arm to stand at attention as I rustled anxiously through my pocketbook for something to write with.  I had been wrestling with feelings of self-doubt all weekend, praying for some type of confirmation that I was on the right road.

No matter how called, appointed or anointed you are for the task or how purpose-driven or visceral the call, you will be met with opposition.  To some of us that is news.  We think that if God gave the call that it means our Red Sea will part and all of us will walk to the other side on dry land.  We forget that prior the suffering of the Israelites had become more intense.  After Moses told Pharoah to "let my people go," Pharoah started acting the fool!  Moses was proclaiming the very words I AM told him to say.  And even after plagues and disease ravaged Egypt and Pharoah finally said basically, "get the hell out," these happy vindicated souls come up against something that had absolutely nothing to do with Egypt.  The sea.  As if that isn't enough, Pharoah and his army were in hot pursuit with the intent to annihilate every man, woman, boy and girl.  Terror! 

Terror, yep, that's the feeling.  Despite planning my work and working my plan, terror.  Despite meeting with a client excited about utilizing my musical services, terror.  Despite the here-here's of my boyfriend and the excitement on the faces of the people at the church who enjoyed my piano playing, I was in a chokehold that I couldn't shake.  It would lift for a moment while I played or later sang, but everytime I'd get alone, it would wrap its chilly fingers back around my neck.  At these times, what you believe is tested.  In these moments, you grasp for your original resolve but just can't get the same feeling.  In these moments of aloneness when nobody is spurring you along anymore, you start to question if you really have what it takes.

Those who were once on your team have stopped asking how you are.  And if they do, your paranoia tells you they don't really want to know.  They want you to say that you have a job.  They want you to say that everything's great.  They don't want to hear about your suffering.   And honestly, you don't want to hear about it either.  You feel like detaching from everyone because now, they are more a danger to you than you could ever be to them.  Any lack of enthusiasm for your dream is exaggerated.  Every sigh, every glazed look, every hesitation heightens our sensitivities.  So with all those feelings wrapped around my neck, I decided to go check out Mr. Gaddy and CSI's orientation.  Yep, I tend to do the opposite of what I'm feeling.

Mr. Gaddy introduced two previously incarcerated individuals to the group.  I can't recall their names.  One was of Puerto Rican descent and the other was a devoted Muslim.  Their stories were unbelievable!  With the crimes they had committed, they should not have been greeting us or even alive to tell us about their experiences--yet there they were.  Men who had overcome the odds stacked so high against them that it was likened to the Red Sea that the Israelites faced.  Yet, their stories removed every single excuse I or anyone else had for not moving forward. 

Paramount for me was the fact that they persevered through opposition.  Where most would have sat down and quit or committed a crime to go back to prison, they perservered.  I heard a whisper.  "Crashing is part of the journey," it said.  On the road to success there will be crashes.  You'll be going strong and making progress then...wham.  These men both were thriving for a while, then due to the economy, had to close down their businesses.  They didn't stop though.  They kept moving.  Going back to prison was not an option for them--they had decided that--so, they had to find a way to make it work.

That's what happens when your dream is big enough.  Even if you wanted to give up, the strength of the dream won't let you.  Even if you decide to close your mouth, it'll speak to you through people, places, things.  Even if you refuse to pursue it during waking hours, it'll haunt you in your dreams.  You can't get away from it. 

Difficult Day

I feel so hyped up.  You know that kind of hyped that knows you need to take your tired butt to bed but you're just up and fidgety.  So here I am typing a blog. 

Today was a tough day.  It started yesterday and I haven't been able to shake the dry, discouraged feeling.  I was so temperamental today until my pork and beans and cole slaw made my bread soggy and I began to cry.  You would have thought somebody had beat me, I was crying so hard.  In a word?  Fatigue!

Surprisingly, I think that having my TV on for the noise has helped.  Somehow over these few hours, different successful icons have talked about dark times, trying times or times when they were turned down.  It's easy to forget that Michael Jordan got cut from his high school basketball team.  It's easy to forget that Michael Baisden had to self publish his books.  It's easy to forget that Jennifer Hudson was voted off American Idol.  It's easy to forget that Oprah was criticized for her name, her hair, her nose, her name and was ultimately demoted. 

This reminds me that regardless to how BIG your dream is or how certain you are of your Purpose, there will be days when you ask what-the-hum.  The fight can become so intense that you start to question yourself.  "Did I make a mistake," you ask.  You wonder if you have what it takes, if you're going in the right direction or if you're waaaaaaay off base.  You get tired and frustrated with your current state.  Things are getting dire.  Some things happen that you just can't figure out.

Jay-Z talks about learning more from failure than success on an encore of Oprah's Master Class.  He also talks about difficulty building character.  That actually helped me to hear that.  All great successes are riddled with failure, missteps, see-nothing days, or underwhelming responses.  Everybody talks about those dark times, those hard times, those times of uncertainty, those times when you couldn't pay the Universe to cut you a break. 

Nevertheless, what I see that's common among all these successes is consistency.  They didn't let one bad situation or misstep discount the validity of what was in their heart.  I'm sure there were nights where tears were shed and sobs were muffled in a pillow.  Nights where they just stared up at the ceiling wondering how they were going to do this or that.  Yet somehow they found a way to show up.  I don't think they could help themselves.  Might have looked a hot mess and felt even worse than they looked, but they showed up.  They reported to work.

Show up, my friend.  I know that Life can throw some hard blows or put up a steel wall that can't be scaled.  Still, show up.  After you have your temper tantrum, pick yourself up and keep moving in the direction of what you know deep down.  Cry if you have to, but show up.  Crawl if you have to, but show up. 

I'm tired.  Trust me when I tell you that.  The fatigue is as thick as my natural hair.  I'm getting tired of being tired.  I'm getting tired of feeling hopeful one minute and panicky the next.  All I know is I gotta keep moving.  I can't help it.  In frustration, I tell myself I'm going to close my laptop and I ain't doing another God-blessed thing but then I find myself opening it back up.

Creating a Buzz

When you do what you're born to do, it isn't work.  Yesterday was my rest day.  But rather than lay on the couch watching talk shows, game shows and soaps, I worked on my businesses.  I'm not a marketing guru neither do I have a PR agent so I prayed for God, the Ultimate marketing guru and PR agent, to give me some ideas.  Using social media and the Secretary of State list of corporations, I sent information about my businesses out into the cyberworld. 

Sometimes it's not so much in the who or the what but in the doing.  The creating a buzz is what I call it.  I didn't know half the people or the corporations that I forwarded information to. I don't know if my introductions sounded contrived or like a door-to-door vacuum cleaner salesman.  All I know is that I did something. I made steps to get the word out that Suzette is in business.  Like a barber taking his towel and knocking the hair off the barber chair in preparation for the next customer, I was telling the world I am ready for my next customer. 

I believe the wisdom needed is activated when you create a buzz.  It helps you to recognize the opportunities that your buzz creates.  Just the few days ago, a friend came to me with a problem.  She knew what she was born to do but admitted to feeling intimidated and afraid.  As I encouraged her, the idea came for me to coach her.  I didn't have it on my mind.  I wasn't looking for it at all.  The motivator in me was in full swing and it just happened.  "I'll be your life coach," I told her and she happily agreed.  Last night was our first session.  It was GREAT!   She was ready and so was I.  As I stood in my authenticity, the wisdom came and we both recognized the moment.

I know most coaches would warn you against coaching friends.  I wholeheartedly concur if, and I say if, you or your friends aren't able to distinguish between the coaching relationship and your friendship.  In this case, neither of us had that problem.  She was about business.  So was I.  The business of moving towards the fulfilling and purpose-driven life she knew was hers. The business of no longer accepting the roadblocks both internally and externally that had held her up in the past. How courageous she was!  She made me bring my A game...lol.  I LOVED it!

Another moment where wisdom was in full swing was related to a church I was considering providing musical services for.  I was to get back in touch with them after checking my calendar to see if I could play for their choir this Sunday.  In the course of the conversation, I became aware of something.  Sometimes decisions aren't made immediately.  Sometimes you create experiences that will help you to make the right decision.   

With respect to this local church, the first experience was to attend a worship service.  Before accepting the job, I wanted to get a feel for the environment.  I needed to sit in attendance and absorb what was going on around me.  Wisdom required that.  I've learned it is a serious mistake to jump at the first thing just because of the potential.  Observing things is a step we often fail to take that can cost us big later on.

Secondly, especially if working with a choir, I think it is important to either attend a choir rehearsal or, if there is an opening, to actually play for a choir prior to accepting the job.  For me, this second experience is necessary for clarity.  I need to know what I have to work with and if it has the capacity to nourish my Purpose.  It also demonstrates your abilities to the people you are considering serving.  

I've seen it happen repeatedly that the decision makers tend to be more open and willing to negotiate when they've heard you play.  An instance of that happened.  After the worship service ended, the pastor told me he wanted to talk; however, he was in the midst of shaking the hands of parishioners and visitors.  I contemplated sitting down to wait but remembered my dress was too short for me to feel comfortable on the front row.  Soooo, rather than appearing to pace, I walked over to the keyboard and hit a couple of notes.  Before I knew it, a lady walked up and asked if I knew how to play a song and began singing it.  Talk about creating a buzz!  As I played for her, we became the focus.  Without my planning it that way, the church went from an idea of me as a Musical Director to an experience of what I could offer them.   

Creating a buzz happens in many ways.  Before clients invest in your product or service, they have to not only know that you exist but they have to want what you're offering.  You have to be savvy and strategic, yes; but I'm not speaking of ego.  I'm speaking of Purpose.  I'm speaking of doing what you were born to do.  Purpose strategically presents opportunities and Wisdom helps you to be savvy in how you respond.  I heard someone put it this way, "A miracle happens when preparation meets opportunity."

It Mattered... And We Made It

Have you ever had a day where you were walking along and all of a sudden, it felt like a bolt of lightning hit it and it exploded?  Mine was yesterday.  I had worked an 8-hour temp assignment;  changed clothes in the bathroom for the Summer Camp for Women gala banquet; drove to The Salvation Army to make sure the transportation was there and the campers had all they needed:  bag lunches for their kids, check, car seats, check, the Salvation Army banner, check, only to lock my keys in the trunk of my car. 

That was the lightning bolt.  Stunned and shaken, I used my co-leader's cell phone to call AAA to come unlock my car.  The operator said it would be 2 hours before the locksmith would be there.  Mind you, the gala banquet started at 6:30pm, it was now 7:00pm.  Once the last camper from The Salvation Army was ready to be transported, we decided to go to the camp and just leave my car.  Five minutes up the road, a call comes in.  The locksmith is going to be at my car in 5-10 minutes.  Though I argued that I was told 2 hours, he said that if I wasn't there when he got there and he had to stay or there was another dispatch, AAA would charge me. 

Sooooo, we had to turn my co-leader's car around to take me back.  My heart ached.  It ached for the campers already at the banquet, waiting, wondering what was happening.  It ached for the camper and her child in the car.  It ached because neither of them had eaten.  It ached. 

As I entered the banquet to all the revelry and stood behind another camp about to make it's entrance, waving their butterflies and excited as they crossed stage, my heart ached once again. I tried to smile, I tried to talk, I just couldn't.  I didn't know where my campers were.  I just stood there with bags in my hands.  Bags containing the gift bags with each campers name, filled with beauty goodies from friends who generously donated them.  When I finally found the ladies, one looked up at me and said, "we didn't get to cross stage...we didn't have our banner."  The banner!  I had left it in the car.  So, I put the bags down walked back to the car that was parked a country mile away and came back with the banner.  Even with the efforts and the hope that, though late, maybe just maybe they could be recognized, those gorgeous butterflies didn't get to cross stage.  They attended the banquet, yes, but didn't feel part of the banquet.  My heart ached again.

"At least you made it!," you might interject.  And though that's true and I appreciate the clarity and focus and perspective you'd like to bring to this; it's a tad dismissive to me.  Besides, it wasn't about me.  It was about the campers who had to get dressed, round up their children, struggle with car seats and crying babies to get there.  It was about the final camper being delayed, hungry and tired from catching the bus from her job to pick up her child to come back to a place she didn't want to be, only to get dressed, get to the banquet and by then most of the food was gone.  

This morning, it's hard to accept the "at least you made it" argument.  The reason for my tears and the sadness in my heart doesn't alter that fact.  That's a given.  It's this: just fast-forwarding to the end makes it seem like it didn't matter.  It did matter.  Feelings matter.  Their feelings matter.  Your feelings matter.  My feelings matter.  And I can't fast-forward to the victory without acknowledging that it mattered.  When you care, it matters.  When you feel for someone else's experience, it matters.

So this is what I say.  It mattered.  I'm gonna let it rest there for a moment.  I'm not going to rush to the conjunction: the but, the yet, the still, the and.  I will feel all the discomfort that comes when something mattered.  I will allow myself to feel it.  I will allow myself to grieve the loss of that moment.  That moment the ladies didn't get to have.  That moment we didn't get to have together.  I will allow myself to care.  And I believe this.  I believe that if I allow my heart to feel as it does without blaming anyone else for what happened, including myself, I will move to, "and we made it."  For on the we made it side was seeing the ladies in their pretty dresses and their special hairdo's, sitting together, laughing together.  On the we made it side was seeing how impacted they were as the dancers twirled in their white dresses and gold flags.  On the we made it side was the look of surprise and delight as the ladies opened their gift bags, read their personal handwritten notes and smelled the fragrance of their shower gels, bath tea bags and salts. 

Understand, this blog isn't because I was treated like it didn't matter. Quite the contrary, when I entered the camp, the concern on my sister camp leader's face as I walked in late with my bags was heartfelt. She didn't have to say a word. When my friend, my neighbor, walked up in her yellow and hugged me and said "I was praying for you," I felt her sister heart. When I called the organizer to tell her of all that was going on, she was caring and affirming. So, it was one of those things that happened.

The lesson in this?  When people express discomfort or hurt feelings over something.  First and foremost, respond in a way that acknowledges that their experience, what they are saying matters. Let it rest right there.  Let them feel the healing of those words.  Let them feel the validation of their feelings, the validation of their experience.  Let it rest.  Don't try to move them too quickly.  For to do it puts them on the defensive.  They start arguing against what you are saying.  Let there be a pause.  A respectful pause.  A hug.  A rub on the shoulder.  A listening ear.  Do this before you shift them to the but, the still, the yet or the and.  They'll be more receptive to it. 

It mattered...and we made it.

     

For All The Write Reasons

What an experience!  On a whim, I went to Mahogany Experience August Meetup on Saturday at 1pm.  I came across the meeting while surfing the web looking for Lord knows what.  I'm so glad I went!  I walked in and saw writers sitting around the table with laptops opened, ready to get started.  I rushed and got situated, plugging up my laptop and waiting to see what this meetup was all about.

Kim Allbritton, the organizer, led the group in various writing exercises.  Surprisingly, I discovered a creative writing side that I didn't know I had.  Most impactful was she asked us to turn over some pictures and write the name, age, occupation, describe their personality and tell their story.

Exercise 1

I flipped over this picture and I knew immediately this was Beulah Mae.  I wrote:

Hello, my name is Beulah Mae, the chu’ren in my neighborhood call me Miss Mae.  My age is 65 and I am a grandmother.  Had a hard life, so to speak.  Folks look at me and just see another middle aged black woman but they don’t know that I have dreams too.  I had to put my dreams on hold to raise my kids and now I’m raising their kids.  Don’t get me wrong.  I love these kids.  Look at ‘em, just playin and eatin.  Carefree.  I remember when I use to be carefree.  Though I love them and I’m not bitter, I wish I could have done what I really wanted to do.  I wanted to be a writer.  I tell stories, ya know.  Stories about faraway places.  Places I had hoped to go to one day.   Now, though, I find that my stories are limited to telling Little Tyrone why he needs to stop digging in his nose in public or telling Mary to stop talking when grown folks are talking.  My kids don’t even know that I keep paper underneath my pillow.  When they all go to bed, I turn off the lights, get me a flashlight and start writing.  I can’t help it.  I remember my husband, my chu’rens’ father, Bill.  He didn’t like my writin.  He said that all I needed to do was fix him dinner and take care of them kids I had.  He always resented the kids.  He told me that I wasn’t a writer.  Stop that dreamin.  One day, I came in and he was reading what I wrote.  He threw it at me and asked me who was Paris.  He thought I was talking about another man. Fool!  But anyway…sigh…maybe I can keep working so my kids can go.  “Mary, stop hitting your brother!” 

Exercise 2

I flipped over this picture, looked into her face and immediately, this came to mind:

Oh William, what am I going to do now?  I feel so bad thinking about me.  After all, it is your funeral.  So much of my life was about you.  I loved you, William.  Truly I did.  Should I feel bad that I’m sitting here and I feel relief.   You were my husband of 50 years.  We had so many plans.  We were going to travel after the kids left home.  But one thing led to another.  Julie’s cancer scare had us all in a tizzy.  Bill’s job lay off.  You didn’t want him to move back home but I insisted.  I’m sorry, William.  You always said I loved him more than you.  I really didn’t.  I took my vows seriously, Wiliam.   For richer, for poorer.  In sickness and in health.  Neither of us thought about the sickness part.  I chuckle when I think about it.  We thought we’d live forever.  We were going to get us a little cottage by the beach, remember Wiliaml.  You promised me a cottage. 

I was amazed by this!  I didn't know I could look at a person's facial expression and create a character.  It was exhilarating. 

Looking forward to next month's meeting!

My New Website

I can't believe it's up and running!  My new website went public last night and I'm so excited.  Yay!!  I'm so proud.  I built it myself!  Using a free Google website, I added contonkas and what-whoozles of my own.  My creativity was on steroids, lemme tell ya.  I hadn't felt so stirred up since I was a kid, sitting on the floor with my baby sis, creating imaginary families and drawing about their lives on paper.  Who would have guessed that watching The Wonderful World of Disney, Joanne Tate on The Guiding Light or Bob Hughes on As the World Turns would feed such brilliance...lol!

Click here to go directly to website

What makes this website special to me is I've come full circle...but it's from a higher plane.   A higher plane of sight that wasn't there before.  I feel like my eyes have come open.  I see the broadness of who I am and the importance of what I have to offer the world.  I didn't understand that 5 years ago when I attempted to launch Purposeful Connections.  Heck, I didn't understand it ever.

I knew I could do many things.  I knew I found ways to do things in a unique fashion. Nevertheless, somehow...somehow folks would buy into my eccentricity.  I certainly gave God the credit, but I didn't sense the grandness. 

For instance, doing business as Odyssey Administrative Services, I created newsletters for my Mary Kay Executive Director and members of her down line.  I recall what led up to it.  My Director shared how she was told she needed an Administrative Assistant and to publish a newsletter.  She was an Executive Director after all.  I remember her heaving and ho-ing for a minute, having trouble collecting her thoughts.  She wasn't that stoked about it at first.  But I remember the look in her eyes when she saw her first newsletter.  She was so amazed!  I remember when I delivered her 100 impressive newsletters to her Mary Kay Sales Meeting.  Folks thought she had had them professionally done.  I beamed as I watched the response.  After that meeting was over, two more Directors approached me about my services.  What a grand moment; yet, I didn't comprehend it.

I also convinced a Baptist pastor to allow me to subcontract as pianist for his youth choir.  This was unconventional. He hadn't planned to do it any other way but the regular way:  hiring me based on what he wanted to pay.  I asked him to consider doing it another way.  With that, I whipped out my portfolio with the name Odyssey Music Consultants on it.  It was slick!  I showed him my concept, my services, my fees and the pro's of doing it my way.  He was impressed.  He said my enthusiasm made him want to give my idea a try.  Another grand moment; still, I didn't get it.  I didn't get the connection.

These bursts of creativity and innovation and glimmers into my future were just that, bursts and glimmers.  I didn't understand what it meant, I just wanted the satisfaction.  The satisfaction of doing something I enjoyed, doing it my way and getting paid for it.  I didn't see the grandness of it.  I didn't see God's favor or the swell of God's creativity, His inventiveness and His execution flowing through me.  The prophetic energy of how I could best serve my Purpose.  I didn't see it. 

When you don't know the value of what you have to offer, you will always be undersold.  My ego was so in control that I wanted, no needed, to be accepted and loved.  I needed to be validated by my church.  As a result, I threw my gifts and talents behind anybody and everybody who had the potential to give me money or validation.  Nothing wrong with it if it comes from an authentic place.  Mine did not.  I accepted the lesser because I didn't understand the Greater. 

Until now.  I am now standing straight and walking steady. I see how every experience, every burst, glimmer, swell, even what seemed like bad decisions at the time have supported me.  My sense of purpose and vision has gone from fragmented to whole, from flighty to grounded, from blurry to clear.   I am being shifted from one place to another, most times blind to the game of chess that God is playing until I later marvel at the move He just made.

This website is my announcement to the world that Suzette is back and ready to do it right this time.