I am grateful for today's fast from EGO.  I was presented with a challenge that had been in the back of my mind but I had prayed and told God I wasn't going to worry.  I'd trust Him to resolve it whatever He chose.  Well, while writing my earlier blog, I heard a whisper inside.  "Let them know how you feel," was what I heard.  You see, what is familiar is to avoid uncomfortable situations.  To tell myself that it's no big deal.  Oftentimes, letting somebody know that something they did was not okay is not the easiest thing. I tend to struggle with denial as a result. However, I knew in that moment that I would betray myself if I wasn't honest about my feelings and why.   

As I have admitted in previous blogs, articles and conversations, my problem isn't standing up for myself.  When I feel the internal motivation to do it, I'll assert my truth and will defend it valiantly.  The problem is how a person responds causes me to second-guess myself.  I feel guilt or shame if they get upset. 

I know where this comes from.  It takes me back to times I would tell my dad how I really felt about something that he did.  In a perfect world, he would say, "Baby, I'm sorry.  I didn't mean to make you feel that way.  Please forgive me."  Well, my world was far from perfect.  After all these years, I still get queasy when I open up with someone about something I think they won't like hearing.  Blame or shame is the byproduct unless they take my truth well.  Trouble is, everybody doesn't do that.  And there's absolutely nothing wrong with it.  They must have the right to respond in whatever manner they see fit.  They might not agree.  They might not see it.  And they might challenge me, get upset or blame me for their discomfort.  There is always that risk.  What I've learned however is this.  Behaving as if you're okay with something when you're not is not fair to the other person.  Furthermore, it is a betrayal of your soul.  Pretending is hypocrisy.  Going along to get along breeds resentment.  The dishonesty edges God out.  And the smoldering resentment edges God out.  No matter how we try to put a spin on it, it edges God out.

I am fasting from edging God out.  Certainly, I have some growing and some healing left to do.  Just the same, I've heard a quote and I truly believe it.  We teach people how to treat us.  Another one is People don't betray us.  We betray ourselves.  At the end of the day, I'd rather be disliked for my authenticity than to be liked for my pretense.     

50 Times A Writer: Suzette Unleashed: A New Type of Fast

50 Times A Writer: Suzette Unleashed: A New Type of Fast: It is now Wednesday.  At the start of the week, I had an inspired thought.  I'm going on a fast.  Yeah, a fast.  I have made a conscious dec...

A New Type of Fast

It is now Wednesday.  At the start of the week, I had an inspired thought.  I'm going on a fast.  Yeah, a fast.  I have made a conscious decision that I will fast from Ego.  By Ego, I mean:

Edging
God
Out

Edging God Out is like God is in the driver seat and I'm sitting beside Him on the passenger side.  Rather than enjoying the ride, trusting in His driver abilities, I'm constantly questioning His every turn and sliding closer and closer to the driver's side.  Ultimately, I am  pushing Him out the door and taking the steering wheel.  Edging God out.

Dr. Wayne Dyer offered an even richer perspective: a striking metaphor of God as the Ocean.  "God is the ocean," he said.  "If you take a cup and scoop out part of the ocean, it is still the ocean."  We are what's scooped out.  Apart from the ocean, we are still the ocean but we are vulnerable. We are vulnerable to evaporation.  We are vulnerable to being spilled out and absorbed by what we're spilled on.  Practically speaking, we are vulnerable to Ego.  But if I'm poured back in the ocean, if I stay connected, I have access to all the ocean is.  I have the power of the ocean.  All that the ocean is, I am.  Now that's pretty darn awesome!  My fasting is me snuggling back into that ocean. 

I'm staring myself in the face, eyeball-to-eyeball, and asking "Why are you really doing this?"  If my reasons are anxiety, guilt, accommodating someone else at my expense or fear, I'm deciding "no."  I believe that these are learned betrayals to love, trust, faith and joy.  They steal from us.  Familiar, yes but edging out inspiration.  Edging out meaning. Edging out fulfillment.  Edging out the abundant life that is our birthright as redeemed children of God.

When I woke up this morning, I said two things--that's all--two things:  "Thank you" and "How can I be used today?" That was the extent of my prayer.  Starting my morning with gratitude and surrender feels right.  I'll do that as part of my fast. 

Next, I fed my spirit.  I went to online to Oprah.com. Using my VGA cord, I connected my laptop to my flat screen TV and watched one of the full episodes on her website.  It was great!  I ate breakfast and fed my soul.  Yesterday morning, it was her Super Soul Sunday interview with DeVon Franklin.  This morning, it was Sarah Ban Breathnach and Dr. Dyer. 

I'm inspired to adopt this as part of my fast going forward.  I'm also inspired to allow my day to unfold as it needs to, asking myself if what I'm about to do will keep me in the ocean or edge God out.  My conscious effort is to stay in the ocean.  I expect there will be challenges.  Just because I'm fasting doesn't automatically lessen the familiar.  But I have determined that I will pray and ask God for help and surrender the outcome to Him.  I will see it as His help.  I feel strongly that I must refuse....refuse....REFUSE the familiar anxiety, guilt, accommodating someone else (at the expense of my dignity, my joy, my power, my own sense of my season) or fear-driven reasoning.

I've never done this before.  This idea of a fast from ego is ...well...inspired so I'm having to learn as I go.  You know I'm gonna write about it.  You can bank on that..lol.   

Change Your Familiar

A story that has inspired me since I heard it was the one about Nelson Mandela.  If you read the Wikipedia account, it simply says, "In 1962 he was arrested and convicted of sabotage and other charges, and sentenced to life imprisonment. Mandela went on to serve 27 years in prison, spending many of these years on Robben Island. Following his release from prison on 11 February 1990, Mandela led his party in the negotiations that led to the establishment of democracy in 1994."  What it doesn't say is he was offered release repeatedly.  Accounts say he flatly rejected them.  He stood for equality and refused to be freed without the dignity of his brothers being freed as well. 

To get a better idea what Robben Island was like, I conducted an online search.  Robben Island was brutal.  "The duty of those who ran Robben Island and the Robben Island prison was to isolate opponents of apartheid and to crush their morale," was one description.  It was a place of great suffering. 

So how was Mandela able to triumph through such degradation?  I didn't see the movie, Invictus, but Sharon Sim-Krause recalls in her blog, Shot of Inspiration, the moment where Morgan Freeman (Nelson Mandela) shares with Matt Damon (Francois Pienaar) how William Ernest Henley's poem helped him to survive.  I know that it is controversial in Christian circles as they feel it is a denial of the power of God for a man to say, "I am the master of my fate.  I am the captain of my soul."  I don't hear it that way.  I hear the God-man speaking.  The Greater One living inside of us.  How else could 27 years of brutality not break him?  How else could he move from being a victim to a victor?    When I look at life experience in the context of true courage, nobility and purpose, I perceive that the strength of the human spirit is the Image of God manifesting. 

There was a past episode of The Oprah Show where a audience member said she didn't believe in angels neither did she believe in God.  She said she believed in the strength of the human spirit.  The power that resides inside us as humans.  She said she also believed that there's an energy evident in nature.  Where does that strength or power or energy come from?  I wanted so much to ask her that.  Do humans who can't stop themselves from being born or dying manufacture that?  Does nature cease to function because we aren't present?  Well then, who or what created that?  Who set nature on a timer so it knows how to maintain itself? Who created the circle of life?  There has to be a master mind, a greater intelligence that predetermined that.  I call Him God.  (Sidebar:  when I say Him, it is inclusive of his maleness and femaleness).   

With the aid of this greater intelligence, a flesh and blood man or woman can change.  I'm a witness of that.  What is now familiar can be changed.  Doesn't matter what your familiar is.  Where it might be familiar to allow a man or woman to abuse us mentally, emotionally, sexually or whatever-ally, we can change that.  We have the power to create a new familiar where we are honored, nurtured and respected in our relationships.  Science even tells us that we have the power to rewire our brains thereby changing what we accept and what we attract into our lives.  Nowhere in my life experience has that been more evident than when I was working with substance abusers.  By educating a DWI offender about the pharmacological effects of alcohol, substances, even prescription medications and how they hijack the brain, he or she was able to make informed decisions about whether to continue using or whether to operate a vehicle.  Some got it and transformed their lives.  Knowledge is power.  Education changes cognition (thinking) and thereby changes behavior.  When one understands who he or she is apart from a substance, an experience, a criticism, he can live in the integrity of that understanding.  He is no longer defined by externals and can now makes his residence in that higher understanding.    

I had to repent. My God, I thought. I have idolized money.  For many of us who worship at the throne of the almighty dollar, it is a fear of lack that drives us.  For some, it manifests in workaholism.  For others, it manifests in suicide.  And still others, it manifests in murder.  I was willing to sell out my true gifts and talents for an hourly rate.  Fear drives us, exacting the whip of intimidation as it threatens poverty, i.e., lack of respect, lack of influence, lack of power, lack of freedom, lack of worth.  I'm sure that many of my unemployed or underemployed sisters and brothers are hearing some semblance of those bullying beliefs.  "You gonna lose your house," they say.  "You're going to lose everything."  "You can't provide for your family."  I was spending most of strength on trying to morph into something that I wasn't.  I wasn't happy.  I wasn't blissful.  Dr. Wayne Dyer, global wisdom teacher, says that bliss is the byproduct of an inspired life. I wasn't inspired. This is needed to change your familiar. 

Here is where I believe the human spirit asserts itself.  It throws off denial and says, "No!  No more!"  It refuses to live in that intimidated, uninspired state.  It refuses to cower and pay homage to it.  It refuses to deny itself the truest expression of itself.  It stares what it fears in the face, grabs it in the collar and says, "I will outlast you!  Believe that.  I am BIGGER than you!"  That, my friends, is what I believe happened when Mandela read Invictus.  My, my, my, that's grace. Grace that secures us for the journey.   

Once that happens, ideas and creativity and resources are activated.  Something bigger.  God, the fashioner, the author and finisher of our faith comes alive inside of us.  We are the masters of our fate.  Whether it's life or death, we choose.  We choose if we are willing to die for our cause.  No one  or nothing bullies us into submission.  Whether it's working for someone else or working for ourselves, we choose.  Whether it's moving and shaking on Wall Street or moving and shaking on your own street, we choose.  His homing device starts signaling opportunities to create, to serve, to share.  When I choose fulfillment over obligation, I am the captain of my soul.  This changes your familiar. 

Does it get scary sometimes?  Yes.  Does the familiar send bullying or self-limiting thoughts sometimes?  Yes.  Nevertheless, like Nelson Mandela and those brave souls of ancestors past, something Greater spurs us onward.  I want my life, my environment, my familiar to reflect wholeness.  To be inspired.  Doesn't matter to me whether it's writing a column, running a business, coaching a client, playing for a church, bookkeeping or lending administrative support to a company.  I've taken off my mental ideal of what will be the avenue.  I'm just open.  I'm just willing.  I'm just experiencing.  I'm experiencing the joy of leading a summer camp for women.  I am experiencing the fulfillment of making coffee and giving a warm smile to families of children on the pediatric floor of the hospital.  I am enjoying opportunities that are presenting themselves.  And surpising to me, I am enjoying being a part of an accounting team of two for 12 hours a week. 

One step at a time.  One decision at a time.  One opportunity at a time . One interview at a time.  I'm surrendering to that energy that knows.  I am being led, moved by compassion instead of coerced by obligation.  I am living life my way instead of trying to live up to some presumed or perceived standard that so doesn't fit anymore.  I am changing my familiar.  With the strength of God and the supportive angels He has placed in my life, I will advance--greater, richer and more alive than I've ever been.  I am changing my familiar.  You can change your familiar.

Decide To Decide

Until last night, I didn't know that the inability to make a decision was a symptom of menopause.  With wonder, I listened as a group of us women went through the laundry list of symptoms only to discover indecisiveness can be one of them.  Something as simple as what to buy from the grocery store or what to wear to work can become a major hurdle. 

Barring menopause and its symptoms however, life brings us to various pivotal points where we have to decide.  We have to impose a just-this-far-and-no-more moratorium on things.  My just-this-far-and-no-more came with a family member.  We had years of missteping with each other.  We'd offend the other without trying, accusee the other for our discomfort, go or a while without speaking, then we'd feel bad inside or long for the connection.  One of us would reach out to the other.  It would feel great for a while, then the other would do something or say something wrong. The cycle would repeat itself.  Sadly, each time this happened, the relationship slipped deeper into despair.  In time, we both assumed the victim role.  We argued who was the bigger victim and lost trust.

It just so happened that the umpteenth conflict arose while I was in conversations with wise friends and sage advisors.  Who knew you could meet such people while attending a meetup or while searching for a life coach online!  It happened.  This friend said to me that when we have an intense reaction to something or someone, there is some pain that Life wants to heal.  While pondering that, the answer came.  

In that moment of clarity or Higher Consciousness, I saw two things:  (1)  I owed my family member an apology and (2) I needed to attend to the wound.

Up until that moment, I blamed her for the emotional distress I had been feeling.  "It's your fault," I said to her everytime she disappointed me in some way.  I took it personally and held her responsible.  After all, when an interaction with someone bumps into unfinished emotional or psychic pain, you no longer feel safe with them.  You just don't.  Trust is eroded more and more everytime you don't feel your experience is regarded.  Isn't that at the core of resentment?  Most of us would say so.  I would have said so.  Nevertheless, in this moment, it got challenged.  The source of resentment has nothing to do with someone else.  I'll say that again.  Your source of resentment has nothing to do with someone else.  I believe the source is requiring someone else to give us relief.  We bully them to answer the way we want and act as we want.  When they won't, we blame them.  We reject them.  We talk about them.  We harrass them.  I had to apologize for that. 

No doubt, when we are mishandled by someone, it hurts.  It hurts like heck!  However, it is misguided to expect the perpetrator to stop the pain and heal the wound.  Even if they repent and want to make amends, they still can't do that.  You have to attend to your own pain and your own wound.
 

A first step is forgiveness.  There goes that F word again.  Forgiveness is no longer holding the precipitant liable for the pain or loss or wound.  I always like to use practical examples to illustrate my point.  Say you get shot.  The shooter runs away and leaves you lying on the floor.  Do you lay on the floor, bellyaching over why you got shot, what kind of person would shoot you, how dare they shoot you?  Do you yell to the shooter, "Come back here!  It's your fault!  You fix this!" and tell yourself that the reason you're bleeding and in pain is because he or she won't come back and help you?  No!  Understanding the seriousness of a gunshot wound, you drag yourself to a telephone or cell phone or neighbor and get some help.  "I've been shot," you tell the 9-1-1 operator.  One of the first things the operator will tell you to do is try and stop the bleeding.  They'll walk you through it as they send emergency services to your location.  Not one time will the operator entertain rantings about the shooter unless the shooter is of immediate threat.

What happens if you fail to call 9-1-1?  What happens if you fail to do as the operator advises?  You could risk blood poisoning.  You could lose a limb.  You could even die.  Whose fault would it be, the shooter's or yours?  I know you want to say the shooter.  I feel ya.  But, I beg to differ.  If the phone is lying nearby, you are conscious, there is a shirt you can rip apart to put pressure on the wound, something, the responsibility is on you.  If you don't attend to your wound, you are the one at fault. 

When I understood that, my decision was clear.  I knew I had to attend to the wound.  This would require distance as it had grown more painful and more infected.  I assured my family member that  my love wasn't in question.  I loved her deeply.  I wasn't okay though.  I was compromised; hence, I couldn't give her the kind of friendship she needed and deserved.  I asked for room.  She consented.  Dr. Phil says, "We have moments in our lives where we can step up and do powerful and meaningful things." This was one of those moments.  I think we both stepped up in that moment.  I shifted my focus to me and did the work to heal.  I am happy to say she and I are in a healthy place.

When we decide to decide, we stop the bleeding.  Yes, there is some work on the other side; but it starts with a decision.

I Love Martha Beck

Ever since I read the book, Finding Your North Star, I have loved Martha Beck.  If you don’t know her, she is the go-to  author and life coach to Oprah Winfrey.  There is just something whimsical and unburdening about Martha that strikes a chord with me.  I recollect it was in her book that I read about my soul wanting to dance.  She talks about the time she had minor surgery.  Beseiged with post-op pain, she sought some type of effective pain management.  In her conversation with the nurse, she got what she felt was the best advice she could have received.  The nurse said, “You’re supposed to avoid stress and get lots of rest.But if your soul wants to dance, staying in bed is stressful, and dancing is restful.”  I was staring out my window, feeling that mouse in the corner cautiousness.  Oh how I longed to expand, to breath, to dance.   Her words gave me permission. 

Her words spoke to my weirdness.  "You feel one way but do the exact opposite,”  my relationship coach pointed out to me in response to my sharing with her what a guest speaker told potential camp leaders for The Encouraging Place's Summer Camp for Women.  In essence, I don’t let anxious feelings dictate my life.   I might feel like retreating to my home, closing the blinds and putting up a “do not disturb” sign on the door knob.   Instead, I get dressed and go volunteer.  Whenever I’m going through that struggle between what my soul wants and what I’ve been conditioned to do, Martha's words remind me that choosing my soul is the right thing to do.   

Her words silence the taunting of anxious thoughts.  Despite going with my gut, I’ve seldom felt peace about my decisions.  If everything goes hunky-dory, I pat myself on the back and say I made the right decision.  At the same time, if I'm met with challenge, my thoughts harp all over me.  Not a good spot to be in.  Martha would say that my social self and essential self are at war.  Before that, I would sabottage my own progress.  I see that confused look.  What the heck is a social self and an essential self, you're thinking.  Martha differentiates them in her book but here’s my take.  Your social self is the self that is socially conscious, socially savvy and socially motivated.  The essential self isn’t.  It’s not necessarily politically correct.  Much to the contrary, it pretty darn controversial. Nevertheless, it’s what you need to feel whole.  It’s the meaningful self.  It’s as unique as your fingerprint and cannot be dictated by anybody. 

The essential self can be suppressed or overwhelmed by the social self or the essential self and social self can work together harmoniously.  Folks who are happiest are those folks whose selves  agree to “play on the same team.” In many ways, your essential self is the call. Your social self is the response.   Say, your essential self needs to rest.  Your social self can turn off the TV and go to bed or it can choose to pull an all-night cram session for your final exam.  With Martha’s insights, I’m gaining understanding needed to stop my social self from ignoring or bullying my essential self. 

Her words affirm what I already know:  my essential self is fueled by my authenticity.  Even when I was flip-flopping between two opinions, my body always knew the difference.  It spoke its truth through that queasy feeling or resistance when I was about to do something I didn't want to do or be around somebody I didn't want to be around.  Because I've learned to respect those visceral reactions, I don't force people to assume any role they aren’t comfortable with.  To impose my will in that way, in my opinion is abuse.  I will be leading a Woman’s Camp come Monday.  Rather than my co-leader and I assuming roles that are contrary to our essential selves, we are choosing to play to our strengths.  As a result, she feels excited.    So do I.


I can't say that I've fully surrendered my control tendencies.  My social self still hunches my essential self to provoke a fight.  What can I say, I'm a work in progress.  But I am making progress...I sense it...I see it... I feel it.  A calmness is settling over me that I gotta admit is pretty cool.  For this, I credit God who is leading me.  And Martha Beck, whose words are soothing me.  I love Martha Beck.  

Two Fish, Five Loaves

Just saying two fish and five loaves brings“the feeding of the 5000" to mind.  It seems almost laughable that a little boy’s lunch would even remotely be enough to feed such a massive crowd, but when his disciples informed Jesus of what the boy had, he said to bring it to him.  I’m sure they gave Jesus one of those sideways puzzled looks as they walked up to the young lad.  Doubtful that it would be enough, I imagine they watched, probably feeling a little embarrassed.   I don’t know if it was even noticeable at first.  I imagine Jesus took the fish and bread in his hands, thanked God for providing more than enough, broke the fish in two, broke the bread in two and passed it to the disciples who in turn passed it to the next person and so on and so on.  Maybe they were so busy passing the halves to the hungry men, women and children that they didn’t notice that fish and bread kept coming down the line.  I don’t know how it happened, when it happened or when somebody noticed it but the Bible says that it was enough.  More than enough, in fact, for when they took up the leftovers they had twelve baskets full. 

I don’t know what God is up to in my life.  I've shared my experiences with people who think they got it figured out.  God is doing this or that they tell me.   I've learned to be kind to people but not trust their knee jerk assessments of what God is doing in my life.  All I know is that this familiar account of the two fish and five loaves came out of nowhere as I anticipated the decrease of my part-time hours from 24 hours a week to 12 hours a week.  How can I be expected to survive off that?, I pondered.  Like a ticker tape, my bills and obligations and putting gas in my car and groceries were scrolling in my mind.     

I know that for so many Americans making it from one day to the next is a struggle.  They see an unstable economy and hear reports of people losing jobs or folks that simply have stopped applying for unemployment.  They worry about how they're going to feed their families, keep a roof over their heads and get to and from this place and that.  I myself have been shocked and awed by friends who have shared with me that they've been homeless, severed from jobs they’ve worked for 30+ years, unemployed for years and even some have had to move back in with parents.  Just like in the Bible days, seems like famine is all around.  Newsflash, being a Christian doesn’t make us immune from mishaps. 

I don't know about you, but I get bent all out of shape when something I didn't anticipate happens.  Could it be that I have a control problem?  Could be.  Nevertheless, with the two fish five loaves recollection came a higher truth.  Truthfully speaking, my 12 hour workweeks are of no consequence to God.  He is not alarmed or moved by that. " Aren't you concerned?," the disciples asked when the winds and waves were beating the sides of their boat.  How could he be asleep when the boat was filling with water and their very lives were threatened?  There is one answer to this:  He is I am.  And in his I am-ness, he commanded the winds and the waves to cease. "Peace.  Be still.," I am said.  

He is that, He is.  In a previous blog, I shared how worrying is a waste of time.  It truly is.  One, by worrying, you cannot change one thing.  It doesn't stop anything from happening.  And two, just because we can’t see it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. 

Take the wind for example.  No one has ever seen the wind.  We feel it brush up against our skin.  We hear the whistle when it’s blowing between buildings.  We see trees, blades of grass and loose pieces of debris being tossed around by it.  Nevertheless, nobody has actually seen it.  Still, it exists. 

I have to revisit my example about the cup of water.  That was a true aha moment for me.  To a person who isn’t aware of indoor plumbing and how that all works, once their cup of water is gone, there is no more.  I can imagine that person panicking with each rationed sip of water as he looks around and sees no water.  Just look around your house.  Walk around.  There is no pond in the house.  No well in the house.  Nothing but just carpet, hardwoods, linoleum, ceramic tile, walls, ceilings, appliances and fixtures.  You might have pitchers, buckets, bowls, tubs, sinks but by all appearances there is absolutely no water.  NO WATER?!  Then how am I gonna live?, he might lament.  Imagine his stress.  Imagine his fear. 

I believe that those of us who grew up with a scarcity mentality are like that person.  We fret when we look in our bank accounts and don’t see enough zeroes.  We panic when we’re handed a pink slip and told that the company is downsizing.  We spend most of our lives at jobs we hate, working insane hours because we fear the alternative.  In secret, we beg God to rescue us, to help us, to provide for us, to meet our needs, to not let us die as if His provision is way up in Heaven somewhere or is nonexistent just because we don’t see it. 

I’m learning that the times of lack I’ve experienced or feared have been grossly misinterpreted.  Watching my parents work hard and hearing my dad say that “man will have to work by the sweat of his brow” taught me that provision was difficult to come by.   If you didn't work hard for every single dime, you'd have nothing.  That’s not true.  To a person who truly believes in God, or better, believes that He is faithful to them, that cannot be true.   Even a person who believes in his own value, knows that he will outlast whatever difficulties come his way.  We work, most definitely.  But it's not because we fear not having our needs met.  We work because we want to be productive.  We work because we have gifts, talents and skills that need to be expressed.  For some, work and income are a package deal.  For others, work and money are from separate streams.

Are we exempt from down times, suffering or bitter Winters?  No.  Everybody has down times, everybody suffers at one time or another, everyone is subject to bitter Winters.  That happens to the rich, the poor, the Black, the White, the person of faith, the agnostic.  What’s different is how we perceive it.  It comes down to what we believe.  I feel my beliefs changing.  I’m beginning to put two and two together.  Every single thing that happens in my life is purposeful else it would not happen.  There’s a purpose to employment.  There’s a purpose to unemployment.  There's purpose in taking the right road.  There is purpose in taking the wrong road.  There is purpose to succeeding.  There is purpose in failing. There’s a purpose to being full. There’s a purpose to being empty. There is purpose to the Prodigal Son squandering all his inheritance.  There is purpose to the son who remained faithful all the while.
  
This season is challenging the scarcity mentality that has stayed stuck to me like gum underneath my shoe for most of these 52 years.  Faith is arguing against that type of fatalism.  Working 12 hours per week doesn’t guarantee hunger, thirst, unpaid bills, untreated illnesses or lack in any way, it argues.  As long as there is a faucet in my house attached to the water line, there is no reason to fear being thirst. 

I have a good friend whom I was blessed to reconnect with.  She and I were BFFs in college yet life has taken us down different paths.  She has not been employed since she had a major medical procedure with a recuperation that exceeded what her job allowed.  Has she been without?  No.  She shared story after story of how God more than met her needs, some even before she even asked.  Is she special somehow?  No.  She is a person just like me.  She is a person just like you.  She’s just discovered the faithfulness of her invisible Source.  She knows that abundance is not determined by what she sees, but who she knows. 

To be honest, I've been resisting hearing her stories.  I'm not her, I've thought.  I don't want to not work.  I cannot be content to not work.  Despite this, still another college chum with a similar testimony has come into my life.  Another one!  She too has been unemployed for some time.  She is committed to not accepting anything less than God's best for her.   I've resisted some things she's said also because I've not wanted to consider anything other than gainful employment - SOON! 

I realize that fear has been distorting their message.  It is not one of laziness or indifference, it's a message of God's faithfulness.  When you have experienced God's faithfulness, you pray different.  When you've experienced his faithfulness, you see life different.  Instead of begging for provision, you start blessing what God has provided.  You start declaring that it is more than enough.  You eat without fear of hunger.  You drink without fear of thirst.  Something deep within is changing.  A knowing is replacing the fear that once left me tormented.  I'm beginning to expect God to be faithful.  I'm beginning to feel gratitude for God's provision regardless of how it looks.  Somewhere deep within me, I know what is happening.  God is blessing and breaking the two fish and five loaves of my life.