What Makes Love Endure?

I just finished searching for the full episode of The Talk where Jada Pinkett Smith was the guest. It was Monday, August 15th and I hated I didn’t see it. Couldn’t see it actually cause I had to go to work. Though I am a shameless romantic, I tend not to put too much stock in celebrity marriages. You don’t know how much is real. After all, they are actors, actresses, performers. If it were the cutesy Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt type of romance, I might be a bit disenchanted. But when I watch Will and Jada, I see something different.

I was reviewing many of the youtube videos of Jada and there was one of Will being interviewed. He was asked what is the essence of Jada. I could see in his eyes the wheels turning. I can imagine he was trying to peel back all his experiences with her to get to that one thing that sums up his wife. “Commitment,” he said. "You can hang your hopes, your dreams on her and she’ll never let you down."

As I sit here, watching the sun rise above the trees outside my window, I know that it isn’t the romance that draws me to this couple. No more than it’s the romance that draws me to President Obama and Michelle. It is the commitment. I...choose...us.  It's like they share a secret that we can only guess about.  There is a knowing of the specialness there.  It’s not just lustful, it’s like-ful. It’s sparkle in your eyes-ful. It’s the you are enough-ful. It’s that I’m still in awe of you-ful that you see in their eyes.
What makes love endure?
 
I have to admit I don't know.  I've had fantasies.  I've observed couples and admired certain things.  To be honest, though, I've never experienced a pure selfless love outside my relationship with God.  Even as I evaluate my own capacity for love, I've only loved one person selflessly - my son.  I've loved because of.  I've loved in hopes of.  I've loved based on.  I've dreamed of true love, the Knight in Shining Armour happily ever after, but was taught obligation, martyrdom and suffering .  So much suffering in the name of love.  So much tolerating and enabling your partner at the expense of love.  So much settling for less as if this is all you deserve of love.
 
Though millions of books have been written, movies have been produced, people have exchanged I do's, what makes love last is still a mystery.  You love the way a person looks.  You love how this person makes you feel.  As time moves on though, Love is challenged.  Most times, it's nothing new. It was there all along but now, it can't be ignored.  Perhaps the whisper has now become a shout.  And if you continue to ignore it, it will be a brick up side your head.  You know within yourself that something's got to change.
 
Is it just me or does it seem like men are the last to get it.  They will tell you it's gonna be alright.  They will ask you to just give it time.  It's as if they hear you, but they don't really hear you.  Maybe that's what the fairy tale is about.  The beautiful princess is crying, "Help!  Help!"  But only her true love can rescue her.  Maybe it's because he's the only man who could really hear her.  What about swimming the moat and slaying the dragon to rescue the beautiful princess?  What is that about?  Maybe a dad was telling his little girl a story about his love journey.  Maybe he used these images to explain what he had to overcome from within and without to love her mother, his wife.  A man's journey from selfishness to selflessness.  You may be laughing now but I believe that if a man deeply loves a woman, he measures her worth by how much he's sacrificed.  What was required of him to have her and what he's had to do to keep her.

The moat requires overcoming what separates.  If you can't swim then you build a bridge.  You overcome obstacles to love.  Dragons must be slayed or removed, whether fire-breathing or Pete's Dragon.  They are a threat.  You can't manage a pet dragon.  A pet dragon might be a close relationship with an ex.  It might be a job that requires too much travelling.  Regardless of how it manifests, it's harder to remove because it might be tied to your ego or a hidden insecurity.  Try as you might, you can't keep it and keep her.  I guarantee you if Disney's Pete met a girl, the dragon would have to go...lol.  Dragons take up so much space, require too much time and effort in our lives until there is no room for love.  These dragons might breath fire on the relationship; but more times than not, they just suck up all the air. 

President Obama, What Will Your Legacy Be?

Mr. President, I'll admit I didn't watch The State of the Union.  It wasn't the message but it was all the "stuff" in the background that made me not want to watch.  Surfing through my email messages, however, I saw this video on Youtube.com.  It was more my speed.  A conversation not a speech among the curious, honest, and insightful about legitimate concerns, without all the judgments and biases that have become the "stuff" associated with politics.

Of all the questions and answers, the most powerful one was what will your legacy be?  As you pondered what you wanted to accomplish, you said that you'd probably not know that until the end of your term.  I, a citizen that you may never ever know or meet, wish to share what your legacy will be--at least for me.  

You have changed the face of politics.  That's a fact!  Not just the color of your skin though some have argued that you are too Black while others have deemed you not Black enough.  You have blended renaissance and futurism like no President before you.  You speak the language of both the old, while prophesying about the new:  a past, present and future that no government has ever experienced.  You are the first president of color to lead the free world!  That has brought with it a unique experience unlike those before you.

Parties have fought to keep their traditions and their power despite the shift in the minds of Americans that led to your election.  An America where no one race, no one creed, no one color can dominate at the expense of others.  Regardless to whether we elect a Democrat or Republican or Tea Party candidate or Independent in the future, a habit has been broken.  A line has been drawn in the sand.  It's a new America.  An America that requires that we come back to what politics is really about.  This, you defined so simply yet brilliantly as people coming together to decide how they are going to live together.  How simple is that!  You pointed out that we make political decisions every day.  Going to a movie with a group of our peers was an example of that.  No one person or interest decides. It takes consideration and compromise.  All have to feel their voices are heard though all concede to the majority vote.  If they don't, you may have won the movie, but lost the comradery in the process.

Like you, I see a new politics emerging.  One where our children have decided they don't want to be like us.  They don't want to be ruled by judgments that segregate.  They are coming out as they are, choosing rather to be honest than to be a hypocrite.  They have a new experience of life and cannot act as if they haven't.  They, reminiscent of their Creator, see hypocrisy and call it what it is despite people in authority who would beg to differ or to reframe or to ignore their truth.

Yours Mr. President will be a legacy that spearheaded a revolution.  One that is not fooled by the North winning the civil war or any Emancipation Proclamations or Fifth Amendments.  One that is not fooled by Martin Luther King Day being a federal holiday as proof that we have overcome and that all men are regarded as equals.  It is one prompted by the resurgence of hate that is so vile that people all over the spectrum of our nation and other nations shudder at it.  It is proof that what you ignore grows.  It is so grotesque that it requires that we do something about it.

No longer can we afford to mask it with references to skin color when the real culprit is--institutionalized fear.  Despite our criticism of the other, all of us share responsibility in the preponderance of fear ravaging our world.  Fear is what is killing the innocent.  Fearing what we should regard as valuable.  It's a revolution where Black Lives Matter.  It's a revolution where Police Lives Matter.  It's a revolution where All Lives Matter!

We point to our country being founded on Christian principles when nothing is further from the truth. If we look in the back yard of our founding fathers, there is nothing Christian about it.  It's just as messy as anyone else's.  Our history is messy, Mr. President.  It was founded on one group taking advantage of another.  We have perpetually taken what doesn't belong to us and tell ourselves that the end justifies the means.  We quote scriptures to justify it.  We quote the Constitution to justify it. We quote our favored religious books and practices to justify it.  Still, none of it covers our shame. We try to make intelligent argument and try to act as if we are coming from either a higher consciousness or keeping it real.  It doesn't change it.  Fear is fear.  From the pulpit to the Pentagon, fear is fear.  From our poverty-ridden history to our moving-on-up to new neighborhoods, fear is fear.

Mr. President, some say the opposite of fear is love.  Maybe that's true.  I would argue the opposite of fear is choice.  When we understand our power to choose, we no longer blame anyone for our status in life.  Nelson Mandela is proof of this.  Oppressors thought that throwing him and others into prison would convolute their message of freedom.  Though he endured atrocities to his person on a daily basis, he experienced an awakening to just how powerful he was.  For when offered the chance to leave, he made a choice not to leave without his brothers.  Today, we can all make a different choice. We can be better than hate.  We can be better than oppression.  We can choose to allow our circumstances to determine our depth, our breadth, our height or we can marry our bigger truth with our choice and, like the caterpillar, come out transformed and liberated.

I myself know the power of choice, Mr. President.  After 33 years of socialized and internalized criticism of myself and others, I came across a book laying on my sister's bed.  Captivated by its title, I rushed to pick it up and thumbed excitedly through the pages.  One word ignited my revolution. That word was choice.  Matter of fact, the title of the book was Love Is A Choice.  Likewise, the word that ignited this country's revolution came from God's heart through your lips.  That word was change.  And though the fury of the battle has escalated and many lives have been lost, it is still the word that the Universe is conspiring to bring about.  Our world will never be the same.  And years from now, when the smoke has cleared, our children and children's children will thank you for it.

The Sound of My Soul

In just 1 week and 1 hour, we'll be celebrating the release of my new book, The Sound of My Soul.  That's not all, her twin sister, Protecting Your Emotional G-Spot will make her debut as well.  If you haven't guessed it, they are fraternal twins but both share uncommon wisdom and a desire for knock down beliefs that hinder you from experiencing life to its fullest.  To order, go to www.suzetterhinton.com.    The Sound of My Soul

Book Cover: Help Me Choose!

I'm undecided about four book cover proofs.  They are proofs, so I am aware of the transition issue and speckles around my image.  Don't worry, they will be corrected.  This is just to get feedback.  My book, The Sound of My Soul, will be launching in April 2014.  It is the second in my Sound series. 

Here they are:

#1

 

#2

#3

 #4

I need your feedback on DISPLAY/BOOK SHELF APPEAL

I need your feedback on which cover would you most LIKELY TO PICK UP for a closer look

I need your feedback on which cover would have most MASS APPEAL

Thanks for your help and your support!!!

I've Been Epitomized

When I get an unprecedented jolt of excitement about something, I have learned to pay attention.  My Wise Self recognizes those Divinely inspired moments.  My introduction to Tina Wheeler's Epitome Collection was such a jolt.  I was so impacted, I decided to put together this video.  Check it out: I've Been Epitomized

The Sound of My Bravery

For many of us, it is not a question of whether we believe in God. The question is whether we believe God believes in us. Are we enough? Are we enough for him to support our dreams? Are we enough that he would enable us, guide us and most of all, throw the weight of his support in our direction. I'm so grateful that at a point where I was tired of trying to act brave and just got down to the real troubling question that had nipped at my heels throughout most of my adult life, He showed up for me. It was do-or-die conversation with God, the hard conversation where everything was on the line. http://ow.ly/lotnN

Ordinary Is The New Extraordinary

Announcing my new radio show, ORDINARY IS THE NEW EXTRAORDINARY. Launching Sunday, June 2, 2013, 8:30pm - 9:30pm on BlogTalkRadio.com. I am so excited. Why should Father's Day be one day, I've declared June to be the month of the man. Accordingly, my guests will be men who have overcome the odds and are making a difference in the lives of others. For more information about the show, go to http://www.blogtalkradio.com/bonnie-kaye/2013/06/03/ordinary-is-the-new-extraordinary. Yay!