Inauguration 2013

As I watch Colin Powell's interview on GMA's Inauguration 2013 coverage against the backdrop of a racially diverse choir singing, "this land is your land, this land is my land.....this land was made for you and me," I remember where I was at the first inauguration.  I had just been released from the hospital.  I had demanded it actually.  You see, after a groove session with my then-boyfriend, my pelvis locked and I was in a great deal of pain.  It had been a little over a year since my hysterectomy so I thought I was free and clear to assume a normal life.  Obviously I wasn't.

I had been in the hospital for a couple of days, going through a battery of tests as the source of my pain could not be found.  The doctors were baffled.  I was miserable.  Yet, I had the support of the smiling faces of my friends and couldn't help but laugh and be uplifted by them.  I have to acknowledge the devotion of my sister, Meshelle Taylor, who with a soldier's heart wasn't going to let me be left behind.  She stayed with me and questioned the doctors and nurses until I was moved to a private room at around 3 o'clock in the morning.  I'll never forget that. 

So here I was, propped up on pillows with my cell phone in one hand and my laptop on my lap.  Having taken some pretty effective pain killers, I watched, cried, texted and sent out messages all day.  So proud.  So touched.  So moved.  Now, as I prepare for some girlfriends to come over to watch this second Inauguration with me, I'm even more moved.  Despite a difficult first four years, where many who helped him get elected questioned whether he was the man for the job, we are about to witness THE man for the job being sworn in for a second time. 

I think about Martin Luther King Day and the parallels.  Many of us, I think, have forgotten that Dr. King was a polarizing figure.  He wasn't welcomed.  He was mocked.  He was called a Communist.  He was called a Socialist.  He was called uppity and a troublemaker.  He led many crowds, this is true, but there were also people of color that resented him for "stirring the pot."  Things were bad, yes; but they were familiar and here he was messing with the system.  There were those who felt he didn't need to do that.  That he wouldn't be successful.  There were those of his own race who said in their hearts that he was a problem.  People who use to smile and nod at them were now crossing to the other side of the street.  Their safety was threatened.  Their children were being harassed.  They were being fired from jobs because of this "troublemaker."  So many parallels.  Opposition from political giants, party fights and muscle flexing, egos gone wild.  As if that wasn't enough, spending nights in jail, attacked by dogs, even a cross burned on his own front lawn and still he was clear on a nonviolent demonstration.  To some, he was a punk. To other, she was a hero. 

Change never comes without a cost.  Our people have to learn that.  You don't turn-coat when things get tough, you press in.  I didn't elect President Obama as a Savior.  I didn't elect him as a perfect man.  I know in my heart, this is his time.  This is his hour.  This is his season.  And like Martin, some things won't be celebrated until after his term is over. 

And so, I salute President Obama today and his spirit guides Martin Luther King and Abraham Lincoln and those who have gone on before whose stories were never told.  I am moved to live the dream in every decision I make and by choosing freedom amidst all who tell me I should chose otherwise. 

So much for our little snow event.  From where I'm looking, there is no evidence of it.  The roads have that soaked gloss but even the water has been lapped up by the sunshine.  Oh well.

It's been three weeks.  So much is happening in my life.  Sadly, I spent the latter half of last week helping my mom as her husband of 9 years passed away.  It was interesting to me that my mom was most concerned about others, not herself.  It is of no surprise though.  My mom has always put others before herself.  I find it one of her most admirable qualities.  Of course, her child would.  However, the now grown daughter only wants her to enjoy her remaining years.

It's these kinds of profound life events that bring perspective to your life.  I am 53 which at age 11 seemed ancient.  Almost fossil-like, actually.  Surprisingly, except for puffy eyes and a few wisps of lines across my forehead, I think I look pretty good.  That's just typography though.  My Wiser Self knows that time is precious and the clock is ticking.

Reinforces for me how I want to spend my time.  I work.  I love to work.  This season of life however has been about how I work.  I know that doing one thing all the time becomes mundane.  I like the eclectic nature of my lifeforce.  What lifes me is the freedom of picking and choosing.  I like the project nature of things.  That's the entrepreneur in me.  Certainly I know the city I live in:  administrative, music and coaching.  But there are so many avenues.  So many streets I can take to get from Point A to Point B.  That's what I like.  I get to choose my path.  I'm working hard to get to that freedom of choice:  if it resonates with me, I do it:  if it doesn't, I don't.

That's why I'm thankful for my Business Strategist.  She understands how I work.  She is pulling out my marketable qualities to create products that will give me a steady stream of revenue.  That's so important.  Most of us entrepreneurs do our thing without having a strong financial foundation to stand on.  We end up getting in goo gobs of debt and constantly having to chase the next moneymaking involvement--whether it rings true or not.  This is not why we do what we do.  We want freedom.  That's the whole point.  So, I'm grateful for the vision she brings.  

In fact, part of that vision is my book.  Yep, I'm writing a book.  My Business Strategist gave me 30 days to get it done.  For some, this might be impossible; but not me.  I am ready, willing and able for the challenge.    To that end, I'll say goodbye for now.  Got lots to do!!!

Latta.

I AM FOUND

While eating my cereal and pondering my day, I turned on my TV which was on OWN (of course).  It was an encore of Oprah's Farewell Event and Stedman was having words.  He talked of how, with all her notoriety, she still brings her lunch to work everyday.  As Oprah watched with tears in her eyes and threw a kiss his way, to her surprise Stedman introduced the incomparable Aretha Franklin who sang "Amazing Grace."  Everyone knew that Aretha had had some major health challenges but stood flat-footed and belted out a rendition with the power and vocal stylings of her younger years.

If you've ever been lost and now you're found, that song stirs such gratitude to the God of all Grace who found you.  That, for me, trumped what I had been taught God's only agenda was:  sin and hell.  For I was in church all my life and even "got saved" on my knees in my parent's bedroom, but I was as lost as lost could be.  I knew church.  I knew church culture and doctrine.  People would even say I grew up in a Christian home.  But I didn't know God for I didn't know myself.

I wasn't good enough.  I wasn't holy enough.  I always came up short.  The rules were so tight and God seemed so hard to appease!  I tried, God knows I tried.  I so wanted to belong.  I so wanted to be righteous.  Yet, I was constantly tormented and afraid of being doomed to a fiery hell.

All my life, I felt God's presence.  It wasn't hokey or mystical, it was a warm, caring presence; but it was often perverted by those around me who made it not holy enough, not spiritual, not compliant with the doctrine that those around me swore by.  I prayed, I fasted, I tarried.  Shoot, I got saved every Youth Revival but I was still lost.  Everytime I'd hear, "if God were to come today, if you're not sure you'd go back with him, you'd better come to this altar," I would think of all that I lacked and how I kept messing up and would shamefaced come to the altar to beg for forgiveness.

So you see, God finding me was the most wonderful, awesome, amazing thing that ever happened in my life.  I know it sounds weird given the torment I just described, but He showed me that was my environment but that wasn't Him.  That is what people did based on where they were and how they were taught.  They were still stuck in legalism, much like the Old Testament accounts; but hadn't really made the heart shift to grace. They read the letter but didn't truly get the spirit of the letter.  He knew the good, the bad, the ugly, the eye-rolling, cussin under my breath me and said "you're enough."  And if  anything needs to be changed, God is God enough to do it.  No one else gets a vote, not even the preacher.  Not even the church culture.  That, my friends was my salvation.  He affirmed me as me.

Me, the person who hated going to Sunday School.  Me, the person who hated midweek services.  Me, the person who preferred to share a family breakfast than hurry to Sunday worship service.  Me, the person who couldn't understand how by not paying tithes I was cursed with a curse.  Me, the person who called a thing a thing much to the disapproval of those around me.  Me, the woman who wasn't created to fit a religious box or to color inside the lines.  Me!

So, while many might not be able to get with the person I've become, I know of God's Amazing Grace and I am abiding in a state of grace.  I don't have to worry about messing it up.  I live there.  It's a of place rest.  It's a place of foundness.  I did everything I could to botch it up, but God accepted me with open arms and a chuckle because He knew I was finally getting it.  I was finally getting why Christ came.  As a result, I don't live with a sin-conscious, a hell-conscious or a devil-conscious.  I live with a grace-conscious.  I live with a found-conscious.  I am free, unapologetically and hilariously FREE.  This, my friends, is what the birth of the Christ Child means to me.  He came to give His life so I could have mine.  So tomorrow, should the Lord allow me to see it, I will celebrate this Season with more meaning and gratitude than ever before.  And if He chooses to come and take me home before then and this is the last thing I write, it is well with my soul.  For I was lost but now I'm found.  Was blind but now I see.

Business Strategy in Full Effect

Today, I had another session with my Business Coach.  I'm so excited that if you struck a match, I would go up in flames!!!!  I feel so alive.  I feel so inspired.  I feel so on the right track for my life.  There is nothing like it.  Wheee!!!!!!

We focused on my financial prospectus and how much money I'd need to comfortably be in business for myself.  I was actually surprised that I didn't need more.  One thing I need to know before I fully cut the chord is how much it would cost a woman my age to have individual health, dental and disability insurance.  That is major!   That will determine whether I can move forward in my projected timeframe or whether I need to push it out a little bit further.

Next thing.  Katrina asked me who is my ideal coaching client.  Having coached a phenomenal woman, it was easy for me to describe her.  I'll call her P.O.W. "This is the type of person you're called to help," she replied.  My mouth dropped open because I realized in that moment that I'm called to coach women like me. 

Don't misunderstand.  I am not suggesting a cookie cutter of me.  Not at all.  I'm speaking more of their spirit.  Their energy.  There is a certain dynamic rhythm to us.  We are the make-it-happen woman.  I know this woman.  She is self-directed and has beaten the odds on so many levels.  We think outside the box.  We deplored boxes!!!  We've slayed those dragons that kept us on lock-down.  We know how to fight our way out and our way through.  We're resourceful.  We're resilient.  We got that.  It's merely the next level of living that we need help with.  It's going from fighting for to owning the territory we fought so hard for.  This gives another level to my calling.  I not only know what I am called to do, but I know who I'm called to help.  This way, I don't spend time trying to morph myself or someone else into somebody we're not. 

This is sooooo freeing!  My homework assignment is to write down P.O.W's attributes and why it is such a joy to coach her.  Next will be to put together screening questions that will help me to recognize this person from potential clients.  What I see in this is the importance of knowing who you're called to.

My P.O.W. leaves me energized.  This is key.  There is a sharing of energy that lifes us both.  This is so different from how most folks look at those whom they are called to serve.  There's the image of the minister who is exhausted after laying hands or the person who is exhausted after a day's work. 

Maybe this is why counseling wasn't a good fit.  Without a doubt, I was effective.  Earlier this year in fact, I visited the agency where I had my first counseling job.  We talked about how things were when I was there and how much I was missed.  I know they'd welcome me with opened arms.  Still, as effective as I was, I got little back to restore me.  The addicted population was brutal.  The resistance.  The denial.  The cyclical regurgitation of the same problems, the same victim-mentality, the same story as if they are caught in an endless do-loop left me drained.  No matter what skills or insights I offered, few could absorb it.  They were so in their own heads that the work it took was too much.  The only reason I lasted as long as I did was because I literally took my phone off the hook on weekends.  I didn't enlist in anything that was obligatory.  Outside of supporting my son through high school, I was too tired for much else.  But as the song goes, "it's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life....and I'm feelin GOOD!!!!!"   

Going After My Dreams

As I was driving home from work, I tuned in to Foxy 107 and I heard something that moved me.  Michael Baisden was pleading with his listeners to get their hustle on.  He told us that it was a shame to have gone all of 2012 without doing anything to change our situation.  He warned that if we don't go after our dreams, another year will pass and many of us will find ourselves right where we are now - nowhere.

What I've learned is this.  Unless or until your calling shouts from within, you have nothing of substance to spur you on.  Sure, you might join this association or become a part of that moneymaking scheme, but you won't stick with it long because it is not authentic.  Once I was awakened to the fact that what I needed was already inside of me, I've been on fire.  I have a sense of direction and a groundedness such as I have never known before.  There is such joy!  I'm having a ball!!!

Out of this authentic space, my goals for 2013 are:

• To work for myself in 6 months or less
• To position my business to reach my target audience, produce products that folks can buy online and to be profitable
• To become more healthy as an individual and grow with my boyfriend into a stronger couple
• To become a better writer and broaden my readership
• To rebuild and sustain my financial future more in line with my current and future needs as an entrepreneur and business owner
• To take 3 mini-excursions and 1 major trip to someplace I've never been
• To seize every opportunity that rings true and walk through every open door God reveals
• To "stand fast in the liberty wherewith Christ has set me free and to not be entangled again with the yolk of bondage"

Heart-Opening Wisdom

Loneliness during the holidays is not the absence of people, it's distancing your heart from the love it longs for.  We objectify that love by putting a man or woman's face on it or hold it hostage to a painful life event but it's a constricted heart space nonetheless.  When your heart opens, loneliness fades.

"But it hurts," you might argue.  You're right.  It does hurt.  It's uncomfortable.  It feels weird to allow your heart to open.  After all, you're scared.  So, let me offer some wisdom.  Some heart-opening wisdom, how about that.

Get up and get out

Come outside your four walls.  There is something symbolic about leaving your house or leaving your normal routine.  It's coloring outside the lines.  It creates an energy that allows new experiences.

Safe places only

Refuse.  And I'll say it again, REFUSE unsafe situations.  I don't care if it's expected, familiar or you said you would.  Put your heart FIRST.  I know it might subject you to criticism.  I know that.  I can almost guarantee that it will.  Expect it and put your heart first anyway.

Look for warm folks, warm spirits, warm venues that feel like a warm blanket being pulled up around you.  Open in that space.  Touch and allow yourself to be touched.  See and allow yourself to be seen.  Hear and allow yourself to be heard.  Breathe and allow others to breathe you.  Taste and allow yourself to be tasted.  Engage your five senses when discerning warmth or warm blanket moments.

Take a piece of it with you

Make a connection and add it to your life.  Perhaps you were walking in the park and felt such a rich energy fill you.  Take a picture or pick up a leaf, a branch, something that you can take home with you.  For my creative folks, you can finesse it and place it somewhere in your home that you can look at and feel that energy again.

Or perhaps you met someone that made you feel so good...so good just being around them.  Square your shoulders and invite them in by asking for their phone number or a way to connect with them.  Perhaps they are a speaker who talked your language.  They made you feel seen and heard.  Most of all, they inspired you!  They lifted you.  If they are too busy for a one-on-one, no matter.  Google them, go on their website, immerse yourself in more of that feeling by experiencing them indirectly. Go to another event where they will be speaking or that they are involved in.  Purchase their books.  Purchase their CD.  Bring it home with you.

Recreate your environment

"So how long do I have to do this?," you might ask.   Do it again and again and again until you feel your heart open.  Get up and get out...again.  Place yourself in safe places only... again.  Take a piece of it with you..again.  Do it again until you feel your heart heal.  Do it again until you feel your heart love.

If you commit to doing these things consciously and consistently, you'll recreate your environment.  You'll create a new experience of your life.  Loneliness has no choice but to fade.  You'll find yourself surrounded with what feeds you and nurtures you so that you can live again.  You will stop objectifying people, places or things with mistrust or as the cure for your loneliness.  Rather, you'll see your own power to fill yourself.  You will trust yourself to apply the salve that will heal what's broken or what's painful or what's isolating instead of looking at something else to do it.  You'll create a space for love.  A loving heart is a happy heart.  A loving heart is a full heart.  It's full no matter where you are and it's wise in knowing how to sustain that fullness.

Maybe you're feeling a little shy about starting or simply sense I am a safe place and you'd like to talk to me, I'm ready to listen.  Contact me at coachsuzette@purposeful-connections.com.  Regardless, know this:  you matter!

Supper Club

What a great weekend.  My boyfriend and I went to a second supper club at Buku Restaurant.  We had never been there before but had passed it while walking around downtown Raleigh.  Such a great place.  The food was exceptional!  Most of all was sharing such a fun evening with our couple friends.  What I like is we are a rainbow coalition of out-of-the-box warm people.  We embrace diversity and each other.

I know that my doctor says I should wear low heel shoes.  And most of the time, I do; but last night was the exception.  I felt girlie.  Tis the season!  I took out my suede burgundy pumps and let it do what it do!!!  It felt great to get dressed up and go out on the town.

I think it's important for couples to make time to court.  A date night, a surprise kiss, holding hands, and some naughty flirting can go a long way.  Add to that, sprucing up.  An extra curl in your hair, some blue eyeshadow, a little bronzer on the shoulders can go a long way!  I think our partner needs to see the sexy.  Doesn't mean plunging necklines or a hemline up to your apple bottoms, but something that accentuates your greatest features and what he loves most.  Maybe he loves your eyes.  Play them up.  Maybe he loves your curves, then wear something that fits you well without looking hoochey.  Don't know if it's that I'm almost 53 or that I now have a man but I am very mindful of these things.  What woman who loves her man doesn't like to see his eyes light up?  

I've learned some things having been in my 50's for 2 years.  

One, get you a good push up bra.  You might not be aware of it right now, one day you will wake up to your breasts being halfway to your waist and you'll wonder when they decided to do that.  You'll also notice some vertical wrinkles up and down them that gets masked pretty well with some bronzing lotion and again with a nice push up.

Another thing is stretching.  It is important to stretch every day or at least every other.  It keeps you from getting stiff and walking like Fred Sanford.  Trust, if you don't think you're headed there, let me tell you.  You'll go to get off your bed and stiffness will have you walking like an old lady.  Thank God for stairs.  Like Betty White, "I am forgetful."  So going up and down the stairs is very helpful.  I've also learned that some foot pain is because of shortening muscles down the back of your leg.  To step on the stairs and allow your heels to hang downward off the step will stretch that muscle back out.  It's also important for hand pain to stretch the muscles in your forearm.  One way I do that is extend my arms in front of me and with the other hand, pull my hand back.  It stretches your ulnar nerve.

Thirdly, being in love reverses the signs of aging.  The joy that fills your heart and the constant smiling is such an energy boost.  To be emotionally available for love, one has to allow another person into one's internal experience.  That will make you resolve areas that don't get resolved without that type of intimacy.  And it is medically proven that a satisfying sex life does wonders for you overall health.

Lastly, the importance of sleep.  Right now, I'm up beyond what I should be, but getting at least 8 hours of sleep a night does wonders for energy level and makes you look less tired.  As we get older, we are more aware of wrinkles.  We don't want to exaggerate the bags under our eyes due to lack of sleep.  So, with that, I'm getting ready to go to bed.

Have a great evening!