My Natural Hair Anniversary: I AM ENOUGH

It was September 19, 2009 when I did it.  I did the Big Chop.  Little did I know how something so simple as cutting my hair would be the pathway to freedom. 

I never intended to have a TWA (teenie weenie afro).  Quite the contrary.  My reasons for going natural was pure vanity.  My sister had been getting her hair silkened and I wanted mine to have the thickness and movement she was enjoying.  Moreover, my hair had been over processed and my healthy relaxed hair was becoming nothing more than lifeless strings.  Because I spoke with my sister's hairdresser, I thought transitioning would be simple.  It wasn't.

In the weeks leading up to my decision, I had been getting up every morning and rod-setting my hair.  A curly fro seemed to be the only style that I felt comfortable with.  I was the only person of color at my company and feared that if I did anything dramatic, everyone would be stunned and uncomfortable.  Perhaps that is why I kept hearing Don Imus' voice saying "nappy-headed hoe."  It taunted me throughout, rendering me fearful of doing the big chop.

It wasn't until I went on youtube.com and found some short natural hair styles, that I found peace about cutting off my hair.  I searched website after website.  Watched video after video.  Finally, I saw this cute short do with a nicely shaped hairline.  I knew that my hair texture would not be as curly, so, with the aid of gel and shaping cream, I achieved a look I could be proud of with my 4b spongy, kinky coily texture.

It was a quite a bold move.  I was daring to transform in front of my own eyes.  I cut away the hair color.  I cut away the signature relaxed look I had grown accustomed to.  As a child, I hated my hair.  I wanted the long, silky hair of my Crissy doll.  I even put old T-shirts and stocking caps on my head, tied to swing like ponytails, to have the movement and length that I envied.  I was bare.  I had nothing to hide behind.  I looked in the mirror and it was me.  Nothing but me.  I see me. 

Day 1

The day after, I decided to take my new look for a spin.  I had prepared myself for the stares and even for men not even looking my way.  After all, brothers preferred the long, straight hair, right?  Rather than carry an aura of discomfort or lack of confidence though, I squared my shoulders and sported my new look.  I even decided to wear no large earrings and no makeup.  I was going to be bare.  Just me.  To my surprise, a man - a brother, even - motioned for me to roll my car window down.  After I parked my car, I noticed the gentleman had pulled up right beside me and still motioned for me to roll down my window.  I did.  He said, "I just had to tell you that I LOVE your hair."   I grinned from ear-to-ear. Yes!  As he and I walked and talked, I became aware of a surge of confidence.  I felt powerful.  I felt more in touch with myself and the world around me.  I took of my shoes and felt the sand between my toes as we walked up and down the beach.  I felt more alive.  I felt more girly.  But most of all, I felt such joy. 


  

Day 365

As the months have passed, that joy has grown.  I feel more in touch with my heritage amongst the kinkyfied.  I feel more soulful.  I feel more loving.  I feel a profound connection with everyone but even more with my natural sisters.  It's not clique-ish or condescending.  It's a shared freedom.  Instead of my world getting smaller, it is growing.  I find myself more welcoming of different cultures.  Welcoming of committed love.   But more than anything, I feel an abiding truthfulness about me.  I am who I am.  No bells.  No whistles.  Just me.  Resounding in the depths of my soul is this one thing:  I...AM...ENOUGH!