Who says I'm too old to write? Probably the same folks who say you can't teach an old dog new tricks. Or the ones who say you can't find love after 40. To this, I say, I am reinventing myself at 50. I have found love at 50. And, I am 50 times a writer! My mission is to write, out of my Being, words that illuminate and evoke honesty, liberty and connection.



Showing posts with label relationship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationship. Show all posts

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Intensity Without Attack


My guy and I had a conflict not too long ago.  Rather than deal with it right then and there, I chose to continue to have fun then talk about it in private.  Sounds pretty reasonable, right?  "You hold things," he said.  Me?  Hold things?  All I could see was my sparing him and others drama, not humiliating him in public and resolving conflict in private.  How could this be holding the anger?  How could this be wrong?  But here's the thing.  When we did get in private, I not only told him how I felt, but launched a full scale attack!  

A soft answer turns away wrath.  I think that comes from Proverbs in the Bible.  I can't tell you what chapter and verse but it's in there.  When I was young, I took that to mean saying it nice.  But like many kids, just because I said "I'm sorry" didn't mean I meant it.  So, to me, a soft answer was only so I wouldn't get a belt on my bottom, but in private, my anger intensified!

Moreover, the way folks communicated around me was blunt, sharp and without anesthesia.  Blaming, shaming and attacking was what people did when they got mad.  Or they'd say they weren't mad but you could fry an egg on the heat coming from their face!  As I grew up, I adopted this way of expressing my frustration or discontent. When people would distance, I claimed they weren't being real.  They couldn't haaandle the truth.

With age (and a boyfriend) has come perspective.  I've been on the receiving end and truth is, words do hurt.  Death and life is in the power of the tongue.  These words from the Bible are very true.  So what is a soft answer?  Is it spineless?  Is it fake or patronizing?  I don't think so.  I don't even think it is really about the tone of your response.  I think it's more about respect and caring.  That's where the intensity should be.

When I was going to school for Human Services, one of the main skills we worked on was empathy.  Different from sympathy where you feel sorry for the person, it was the ability to put yourself in someone else's shoes.  To help us to develop this skill, we practiced reflecting.  Two people would face each other. One would talk about something, such as a situation at work, and the other would identify the feeling behind the words.  We'd also say what the other person just said, but in our own words.  The exercise wasn't about regurgitating content but gaining understanding. 

Now, in order for this dialogue to be genuine, the listener had to approach the person with acceptance and warm positive regard.  The listener couldn't give advice, take over the conversation or dismiss anything the speaker was saying.  Rather, the focus was to make the speaker feel heard.  Maybe that is the point of resolving the moment.  It removes you from the intensity of the disagreement and brings both people back to a safe place.  A place where no one feels threatened. 

Think about it.  Even a wounded animal will let you take a splinter out of its paw if it doesn't feel threatened.  It has to feel safe.  You have to speak softly.  As qualified as a veterinarian is to treat the wound, he has to respect the animal's point of reference before he can even get close.  The greater the pain, the gentler the approach. 

No doubt, honesty is necessary for a healthy relationship.  You must speak from the heart without fear of rejection or retaliation.  At the same time, your interaction with others must be nonthreatening. Ladies, you can be passionate in saying how you feel without blame or attack.  And gentlemen, you can be rational in your response without problem solving her feelings.  Simply, acknowledge her feelings first.

For the sake of balance and keeping it real, I must clarify by saying there is another side to this.  In my article, A Defensive Man Can't Love, I talk about barriers to a man's availability.  After all, relating does require that both people show up.  Give it a read and tell me what you think.
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Thursday, July 29, 2010

Emotional Availability: Gratitude Instead of Attitude

Don't get digusted but some of my greatest reading happens while on the toilet.  I've been bouncing around the notion of emotional unavailability for a couple of days now.  Although most books and articles you read on the matter have merit, I'm discovering the information needs to be weighed carefully before you label someone. 

I am into self-help books.  Have been since my first aha moment came while reading a book lying idly on my sister's bed:  Love Is A Choice.  I couldn't figure out why I was stuck emotionally in a relationship that was long over.  This book got me unstuck.  I digress.  Back to my epiphany while sitting on the Great White Throne. 

I picked up one of my books, Relationship Rescue, and, honest-to-goodness, there was a business card I had used as a bookmark on page 155.  My eyes went automatically to the section called Emotional Needs but right above it, these words jumped out:
A note about emotional needs: this is a broad category that deals with how you need to feel.  How you need to feel is up to you, not your partner.  Your partner cannot make you feel the way you feel, but your partner can help you achieve your desired feelings by becoming aware of what they are and sensitive to the fact that they are important to you.  At this point, don't worry about how you expect your partner to respond to these needs. Identify them so that you can communicate them.
WOW!  Just about blew me off the throne!  Unknown to but a friend or two - okay, maybe a dozen - I have been struggling with my emotional needs. 

While browsing various articles online, I came across this statement: If you keep attracting men who are unavailable, then something inside of you is unavailable (I paraphrase).  How profound! In the words of my friend, Pam, "Good God-A-Mighty!" As I sit here pondering that answer to a post on Answer.com, I realize that when I was unattached, I met my own emotional needs.  I wasn't starved for attention.  I paid attention.  I wasn't starved for connection.  I surrounded myself with like-minded people who were available to dish, to go places, to give warm hugs and interact with me.  When I longed for spiritual connection, I found ways to reconnect with my inner core.  When I needed pampering, I'd consult my Musiq Soulchild playlist and soak in an aromatic bath.  What happened to me?  Like many people, when I met that special someone, I made him responsible for my feelings. One could argue that by doing so, I became unavailable for me... and for him.

How many good men or women get thrown away because they don't do what we want, when we want and how we want?  How many people have we abandoned?  How many people have been spooked by our neediness?!  If they meet our needs, we feel good.  We might even say we're falling in love or have found our soulmate.  If they don't, we diss-and-dismiss.  We shrug it off as incompatibility or...well....unavailability.

When you realize your own power or your Higher Power's ability to meet your needs, there's a grace that settles over you.  You don't hold your partner at gunpoint.  And you don't just throw people away haphazardly.  You have a sense of joy that radiates from within.  You have a concern about the health and well-being of others.  It makes people feel comfortable being around you.  You appreciate what they add to your life.  Ummm, gratitude instead of attitude.

I don't say this as one who has attained.  Not. At. All.  I struggle like the next person.  Just ask my friends.  My girlfriends who feel with me.  My male friends who reason with me.  And my wonderful guy who is happy just to have me in his life - emotional and all.  Priceless!

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Who You BE?


Who are you....really? Or in the words of older folk, "Who you be?" The path to true joy - abiding joy - is not merely in the doing or even in the having. It is in the BEing.
Most people believe that if they 'have' a thing (more time, money, love - whatever) then they can finally 'do' a thing (write a book, take up a hobby, go on vacation, buy a home, undertake a relationship), which will enable them to 'be' a thing (happy, peaceful, content, or in love).
I don't know if this quote from Neale Donald Walsch's Conversations With God spearheaded the BE - DO - HAVE Principle. Or whether it's necessarily the truest path for all people. But when I came across this in my coaching stuff, it grabbed me. In essence, it encourages us not to concentrate on having. Rather, the doing and having should flow out of your BEing.

Most of my life was judged by my doing. If I sang well, won the 50 yard dash or brought home A's and B's, I was rewarded. If not, the words--and possibly my butt--stung! Maybe that's why I am a bookkeeper. Earning money was more of a priority than finding my passion and making it lucrative. Though there's nothing wrong with a job well done or having things, we shouldn't be owned by it.

Writing is my dream. It allows my soul to have a voice. But my dream needs to be more defined. Further it needs to become a mission statement that is both attainable and measurable. Go with me into my think-tank. What am I passionate about? What would I do if nobody paid me a dime? I'd read self-improvement books. I'd grab a nonfiction relationship how-to book in a hot minute, put my feet up and read it from cover to cover. And then....then...I'd write about it. Ha ha ha!

Certainly, the most read articles tend to be about celebrities, money, politics and sports. Notwithstanding, before you take out your measuring tape and regurgitate market statistics, let me clarify. In order for your dream to be realistic, ask yourself if it is suited to your temperament, your interest, your unique skill sets, your heartbeat. Dreams outside of that aren't genuine. Dreams outside of that are fiction. Dreams outside of that are merely the fantasies of DOing and HAVing. I could write about what's popular but there'd be no purpose. No joy. No BEing. Suffice it to say, in order for me to succeed as a writer, I have to respect the beat of my own heart.
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