He says there are usually three categories that most people fit into. These are comrades, constituents and confidantes. Comrades are folks you align yourself with to fight a common foe. Other than having a common threat or enemy, you have no other connection with this person. Kinda reminds me of how neighbors help each other after a calamity. A tornado hits. People who don't even like each other rally together to help lift trees off houses or to help pull someone out of the rubble. Yet after the emergency is over, the argument over property line continues.
The second category are the constituents. These are people whom you share a common goal or interest with. Meetup.com was a God-send for me in that regard. After my son went to college, I sought to build a social network with people I could enjoy different activities with. The only caution about constituents is they are not interested in you. Say you decide you don't want to participate anymore, a constituent will no longer seek you out. It's about the goal, nothing but the goal, so help me God!
Hence the problem. Most of us confuse constituents as confidantes. Add shared interest and a great personality and it's easy to start thinking of these relationships as more substantive than they really are. I genuinely believe that one of the reasons the divorce rate is so high is everybody says, "today, I marry my best friend" when in fact that person is merely a constituent. You see, a confidante is someone who cares about you. They are not concerned about you meeting an ideal. They are not concerned about how you can help them reach their goals. Even though you may share a common threat or common interests, you can remove any of the above and they'll still choose to stay. They are in it for you and you alone.
In Tyler Perry's Madea's Family Reunion - the play not the movie - one daughter asks her fiance, "What do I do for you?" He can't answer. All he seems concerned with is his woman this and his woman that. He is consumed with her appearance and how she fits into his world.
Bishop Jakes concludes that many disappointments can be avoided if we'd learn how to recognize what role a person plays in our lives. Some comrades. Some constituents. Granted, every person has their place. When it comes to love, though, he's got to be a confidante.
