With me contributing to a myriad of different E-writing opportunities, I have had to rethink my posts to this blog. My blogs tend to become articles. I don't plan on it, it just happens. To make it more bloggy, I've decided to make this more of a public diary. Not that I plan on telling you what I ate for breakfast or all my business, I do plan on talking more about where I am in the moment.
Sure I am a life coach. But I think it's important for clients to know that I live what I talk about. I have to do the work to get from Point A to Point B too. I seek guidance, wise counsel, coaching to help give insight and accountability.
Tonight while talking with my boyfriend, I realized something. This is the first relationship I've ever had that came to a difficult point that didn't result in weakening the relationship or revealing how weak it was. Though I'm glad on the one hand, on the other, I've never been here before. I know it sounds strange that a woman twice married my age would say that but it's true. What bonded me in past relationships was a need for validation or approval. My independence was praised as long as it meant I didn't require true intimacy. Vulnerability was shunned and I felt cut off. That's not the case in this relationship.
Sure, we're prone to fight-or-flight when we feel threatened with whatever our brand of threat is; but we haven't attacked each other. That's noteworthy. My past tendencies to fire up and let er rip have been tempered by my work with my coach. My hap was to go into defensiveness mode and then attack. Granted, it felt good in the moment but afterwards I'd see such devastation. Then I'd feel guilty and assume responsibility. This absolutely negated my own feelings.
This is new territory for us both but we've decided something. We want to make this work. We've found a safe place and we want to make a home there.
It requires bonding as a couple as well as dealing with our individual issues. If this will bring us to a whole and authentic space, it'll be so worth it. I am hopeful.
