Just saying two fish and five loaves brings“the feeding of the 5000" to mind. It seems almost laughable that a little boy’s lunch would even remotely be enough to feed such a massive crowd, but when his disciples informed Jesus of what the boy had, he said to bring it to him. I’m sure they gave Jesus one of those sideways puzzled looks as they walked up to the young lad. Doubtful that it would be enough, I imagine they watched, probably feeling a little embarrassed. I don’t know if it was even noticeable at first. I imagine Jesus took the fish and bread in his hands, thanked God for providing more than enough, broke the fish in two, broke the bread in two and passed it to the disciples who in turn passed it to the next person and so on and so on. Maybe they were so busy passing the halves to the hungry men, women and children that they didn’t notice that fish and bread kept coming down the line. I don’t know how it happened, when it happened or when somebody noticed it but the Bible says that it was enough. More than enough, in fact, for when they took up the leftovers they had twelve baskets full.
I don’t know what God is up to in my life. I've shared my experiences with people who think they got it figured out. God is doing this or that they tell me. I've learned to be kind to people but not trust their knee jerk assessments of what God is doing in my life. All I know is that this familiar account of the two fish and five loaves came out of nowhere as I anticipated the decrease of my part-time hours from 24 hours a week to 12 hours a week. How can I be expected to survive off that?, I pondered. Like a ticker tape, my bills and obligations and putting gas in my car and groceries were scrolling in my mind.
I know that for so many Americans making it from one day to the next is a struggle. They see an unstable economy and hear reports of people losing jobs or folks that simply have stopped applying for unemployment. They worry about how they're going to feed their families, keep a roof over their heads and get to and from this place and that. I myself have been shocked and awed by friends who have shared with me that they've been homeless, severed from jobs they’ve worked for 30+ years, unemployed for years and even some have had to move back in with parents. Just like in the Bible days, seems like famine is all around. Newsflash, being a Christian doesn’t make us immune from mishaps.
I don't know about you, but I get bent all out of shape when something I didn't anticipate happens. Could it be that I have a control problem? Could be. Nevertheless, with the two fish five loaves recollection came a higher truth. Truthfully speaking, my 12 hour workweeks are of no consequence to God. He is not alarmed or moved by that. " Aren't you concerned?," the disciples asked when the winds and waves were beating the sides of their boat. How could he be asleep when the boat was filling with water and their very lives were threatened? There is one answer to this: He is I am. And in his I am-ness, he commanded the winds and the waves to cease. "Peace. Be still.," I am said.
He is that, He is. In a previous
blog, I shared how worrying is a waste of time.
It truly is. One, by worrying, you
cannot change one thing. It doesn't stop anything from happening. And two, just
because we can’t see it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.
Take the wind for example. No one has ever seen the wind. We feel it brush up against our skin. We hear the whistle when it’s blowing between buildings. We see trees, blades of grass and loose pieces of debris being tossed around by it. Nevertheless, nobody has actually seen it. Still, it exists.
I have to revisit my example about the cup of water. That was a true aha moment for me. To a person who isn’t aware of indoor
plumbing and how that all works, once their cup of water is gone, there is no
more. I can imagine that person
panicking with each rationed sip of water as he looks around and sees no water. Just look around
your house. Walk around. There is no pond in the
house. No well in the house. Nothing but just carpet,
hardwoods, linoleum, ceramic tile, walls, ceilings, appliances and
fixtures. You might have pitchers,
buckets, bowls, tubs, sinks but by all appearances there is absolutely no
water. NO WATER?! Then how am I gonna live?, he might lament. Imagine his stress. Imagine his fear.
I believe that those of us who grew up with a scarcity
mentality are like that person. We fret when
we look in our bank accounts and don’t see enough zeroes. We panic when we’re handed a pink slip and
told that the company is downsizing. We spend most of our lives at jobs we hate, working insane hours because we fear the alternative. In secret, we beg God to rescue us, to help us, to provide for us,
to meet our needs, to not let us die as if His provision is way up in Heaven somewhere or
is nonexistent just because we don’t see it. I’m learning that the times of lack I’ve experienced or feared have been grossly misinterpreted. Watching my parents work hard and hearing my dad say that “man will have to work by the sweat of his brow” taught me that provision was difficult to come by. If you didn't work hard for every single dime, you'd have nothing. That’s not true. To a person who truly believes in God, or better, believes that He is faithful to them, that cannot be true. Even a person who believes in his own value, knows that he will outlast whatever difficulties come his way. We work, most definitely. But it's not because we fear not having our needs met. We work because we want to be productive. We work because we have gifts, talents and skills that need to be expressed. For some, work and income are a package deal. For others, work and money are from separate streams.
Are we exempt from down times, suffering or bitter Winters? No. Everybody has down times, everybody suffers at one time or another, everyone is subject to bitter Winters. That happens to the rich, the poor, the Black, the White, the person of faith, the agnostic. What’s different is how we perceive it. It comes down to what we believe. I feel my beliefs changing. I’m beginning to put two and two together. Every single thing that happens in my life is purposeful else it would not happen. There’s a purpose to employment. There’s a purpose to unemployment. There's purpose in taking the right road. There is purpose in taking the wrong road. There is purpose to succeeding. There is purpose in failing. There’s a purpose to being full. There’s a purpose to being empty. There is purpose to the Prodigal Son squandering all his inheritance. There is purpose to the son who remained faithful all the while.
This season is challenging the scarcity mentality that has stayed stuck to me like gum underneath my shoe for most of these 52 years. Faith is arguing against that type of fatalism. Working 12 hours per week doesn’t guarantee hunger, thirst, unpaid bills, untreated illnesses or lack in any way, it argues. As long as there is a faucet in my house attached to the water line, there is no reason to fear being thirst.
I have a
good friend whom I was blessed to reconnect with. She and I were BFFs in college yet life has taken us down different paths. She has not been employed since
she had a major medical procedure with a recuperation that exceeded what her job allowed. Has she
been without? No. She shared story after story of how God more than met her needs, some even before she even asked. Is she special somehow? No.
She is a person just like me. She
is a person just like you. She’s just
discovered the faithfulness of her invisible Source. She
knows that abundance is not determined by what she sees, but who she knows.
To be honest, I've been resisting hearing her stories. I'm not her, I've thought. I don't want to not work. I cannot be content to not work. Despite this, still another college chum with a similar testimony has come into my life. Another one! She too has been unemployed for some time. She is committed to not accepting anything less than God's best for her. I've resisted some things she's said also because I've not wanted to consider anything other than gainful employment - SOON!
I realize that fear has been distorting their message. It is not one of laziness or indifference, it's a message of God's faithfulness. When you have experienced God's faithfulness, you pray different. When you've experienced his faithfulness, you see life different. Instead of begging for provision, you start blessing what God has provided. You start declaring that it is more than enough. You eat without fear of hunger. You drink without fear of thirst. Something deep within is changing. A knowing is replacing the fear that once left me tormented. I'm beginning to expect God to be faithful. I'm beginning to feel gratitude for God's provision regardless of how it looks. Somewhere deep within me, I know what is happening. God is blessing and breaking the two fish and five loaves of my life.
