I AM The Vision

I expected to hear back from two job interviews by Friday.  Didn’t happen. Consequently, I've felt kinda off, if you know what I mean. You know that off you feel when underneath your smile and your functioning, there is an inward heaviness, a weighted sigh.  I hate it when I feel like that.

Anywho, I turned on TV this morning in hopes of getting some inspiration from OWN's Super Soul Sunday. Arggggggghhhhhhhh, not the Dr. Phil House! I don’t know about you, but I hate the Dr. Phil house. The issues are soooo intense. But you know how we do, I kept it on for the noise factor and watched it halfheartedly until it was over. He did say something that I had to text to my boyfriend for further texted discussion...lol. Dr. Phil said, “if you have to give up who you are as an individual to be part of a couple, you have to ask yourself if that’s too much.” He was talking with couples anticipating marriage and some of the the struggles they were having in their relationships.  Now, some of my strong-minded, independent, got-to-have-it-my-way sisters might unite in a hearty, “that’s right!” Then one adds, “That’s why I left Boo-Boo! He wanted me to stay home with him. He ain’t gonna control me like that,” she says rocking her neck back and forth much to the affirming nods of her girlfriends. But before you burst into a chorus of Beyonce’s Single Ladies, I have to say “control” is such an ugly, oft overused word. Could it be that you are taking his actions out of context? I mean after all, the brother might just want to spend some quality time with you. And excuse my terrible grammar here but if your girlfriends ain’t got no man, I’d be a little suspect of their advice or affirmations. I’m just saying. Anyway, I digress. Back to Super Soul Sunday.

Once Dr. Phil ended, there was a behind the scenes of Oprah’s Lifeclass with Iyanla Vanzant and Tony Robbins. Yay!!  When I saw Iyanla on stage with a microphone in her hand, I knew something lifechanging was about to happen. She did her introductions, of course, but then she said one word that made pings go off inside and shake every heavy feeling and weighted sigh inside of me. That word was VISION. “That word saved my life,” she said to her enthralled listeners—me, being one of them.

“Vision is what moves you forward.”  When Iyanla said this, “without a vision, the people perish” was the first thought that came to my mind. This quote from The Bible, I’ve heard all my life. Most times, it was associated with getting behind the preachers vision. Today however held a different meaning. Without a vision, you stay stuck in what is familiar. There is nothing more uncomfortable than trying to get into jeans that once fit but now, oh Lord. The more your hips and thighs mature, the more acrobatics are required just to pull them up. Don’t even think about buttoning them. I swear the button might fly off and put out somebody’s eye!  Staying stuck in the familiar has similar consequences.

During Iyanla's most trying and difficult moments, it was the vision that rose from within her belly that got her through. She had a vision that was greater than where she was at in her life, true; still, God’s vision for her was bigger than she could have ever dreamed for herself. I tell you, that gurl was talking directly to me.

She said that it takes courage to stand in your vision. God knows that’s the truth. When what you feel in your core is all you got and nothing around you looks even remotely like you’re right, it’s a scary thing. When the well-wishers you had early on, pack up their “you-go-girl’s” and move across to the other side of the street and you’re left alone with what appears to be diminishing all around you, it is tougher than tough, tough, tough. This is why it is important for you to nurture your vision. Iyanla gave three ways--four, to my thinking.

First she said you must affirm your vision every day. I am, is the way you do it. I am is a powerful descriptor. I am aligns you with the Divine Consciousness of who you truly are. She used the example of people who say, “I am broke.” Think about the power of that for a moment.  Think about the fact that folks who complain about being broke are….well...always broke. It goes back to changing the way we tell our story.  I've had to consider that I’ve been saying, “I am unemployed.” Just saying that makes me feel bad. Unemployed implies jobless, unfruitful, unproductive. Unemployed brings up images of poverty, lack, despair. It says I’m lacking the skills that would make someone want to hire me. None of that is true. Truth is I am employable.  I have chosen to honor my growth and transition to an exciting and fulfilling career. That’s the truth. Rather than continuing to squeeze my expanded frame--okay, my big ole butt--into those skinny jeans, I decided ENOUGH already. Instead, I am shopping at different stores, trying on different pairs to find a custom fit. I don’t know what law of nature, law of physics, law of dynamics it is. All I know is if I keep looking, I will find what I am looking for.

Secondly, she said “never judge your clarity on how other people respond.” In short, your vision is not any greater or any less by what people think of it. Don’t let the objections, the baffled looks, the eye-roll, the sighs you hear when you tell just one more person you aren't working yet or the crickets and frogs being the only sound you hear affect your judgment.

Iyanla took her grandchild to the eye doctor for an eye exam. She had found a coupon where you could get two eye exams for the price of one, so she decided to get her eyes examined too. The doctor asked her about her glasses. She said she didn’t wear glasses. The eye test showed a “diminished visual acuity” that she wasn’t aware of. She thought she was seeing just fine. This, she said is the way we go through life. We think we’re seeing just fine but many of us are only seeing with a percentage of clarity. I know this sounds like I’m using the wrong example given that I just said not to judge your vision by what others think. I’m not though. The doctor is a professional. The God of your vision and my vision is a professional. He is the one who sees your vision most clearly. He’s the one whom you should listen to against all odds.

To me, number three in her three ways of nurturing your vision was don’t wait for the how before you move towards your vision. So many times, people will not move because they don’t see how it’s all going to work. I myself am guilty of this very thing. Iyanla says sometimes you have to walk blindly.  I think of Tyra Banks. She was tall and gangly in elementary school on up to high school. She had a wide forehead, receding hairline and dark circles underneath her eyes. On top of that she was a Black woman. All qualities that were considered unattractive by those around her and society at large. Now just think about this. This gurl opts to pursue modeling of all things. Modeling!  She even declines college to chase something that she seemed like the worst fit for.  But look, now some twenty years later, she is heralded as one of the most successful and influential models of our day. She was a trendsetter. She reset the bar. She expanded the definition of beautiful. And all that gave birth to America’s Next Top Model. Nothing like that had ever been done on TV. It opened the door for Project Runway and other fashion industry type reality shows.  It brought a greater level of respect to the industry.  Most of all, it took the limits off modeling as we know it. One vision. One person.  One God whose vision for her was bigger than the one she had for herself.

“Instead of begging God for direction, listen for instructions,” was the I-said-all-this-to-say moment of Iyanla's address. “Be still…and listen,” she said. When she said this, I understood where my progression had brought me. I had taken the physical leap with a destination in mind; but my journey has been about so much more. I saw myself one way back in February but now, that’s all changed. Throughout the peaks and valleys, the gains and the losses, the sunshine and the rain, from declaring to becoming, my vision has not waned. In fact, it's gotten louder.  I no longer see it as something I'm reaching for or destined for. I see it as a reflection of who I am.  I and the vision are one.  I am the vision.

When that happens, you stop begging God as if you’re asking for something that is way out there somewhere. You begin to check in with your core. That’s the listening. You pay attention to what it’s saying. The stillness doesn’t mean you stop moving no more than listening means you stop asking. It simply means that the chaos of your own insecurities and fears is secondary. Fear doesn't push you into wasted busyness to keep you from being still and to keep you from listening. You stop allowing it to take center stage. You hear it yes, but you press in to hear deeper and that is what you pray. This moves from hoping, past believing and into knowing. A knowing that your vision isn’t born out of escapism but born out of the still small voice of your purpose. I see progress. I and the vision are becoming one.

Lest you should think that's the end of it, the operative word is becoming. I’m not all there yet. Some days are better than others. One day, spooked by the latest bill or alarming situation, I feel that desperate need to get a job, any job. That’s when I frantically search the online job postings and consider applying for that data entry job or that multi-line answering receptionist job. Other days aren’t so alarming. I observe my approaches to problems and advice to others and pause to recognize that I am a manager. I am a coach. I am a person who helps others become their best. I am an encourager.  I am gifted in giving wise counsel. So you see, I can identify with Clark Kent, the understated wannabe news reporter whose eyeglasses are crooked and who stutters when he speaks. To all who know him, this is who he is.  However, he’s hiding a secret. He is Superman.  This, he hides and minimizes deeming fitting in as more important until he discovers that his purpose serves something Greater.  The journey he took to find answers to the why’s that have tormented him is understated but is the most powerful part.  Understanding his authentic soul and its value, I often found it curious that he didn't get rid of Clark Kent. I think I understand it better now.  He is Clark Kent and he is Superman.  They aren't two, they are one in the same.  When Clark Kent allows you to have a human experience but no longer limits you or defines you, you're okay. All this lets me know that there is a Divine mind who is bringing my past and my present in alignment for something Greater.  I am the Vision.