I can’t allow Valentine Day to come and go without talking about the man in my life – Robert Vearnon. Robert whom I adoringly call Carm. You’re probably thinking that Carm has absolutely nothing to do with the name Robert. And you’re very right. There is definitely a reason behind it that I’ll choose to keep to myself.
Carm and I met January 2011. We actually met online and what impressed me most was his motivation to meet. Believe me when I tell you, that was not the norm. I don’t know if guys hang out online just to have virtual relationships…lol…but it was like pullin teeth to have a face-to-face. To me, it ain’t real until I see you in person. So, within two days of saying “hello” online, we decided to meet at Caribou Coffee. We still meet there from time to time just to reminisce.
Immediately, Carm and I hit it off. We had the same kind of comedic timing. If I said something witty, he would respond in kind. I found that intriguing. I also felt very comfortable around him. He had a laid-back comfort that I had not seen in past dates. He wasn’t pretentious—not at all. After some ice breaking talk, I asked him why he was on the dating site. He said he was there to meet new people. Not certain of whether we were looking for the same thing, I pressed further for clarification. I mixed no words in telling him my intention to meet someone I could have a satisfying long relationship with, annnnnnnnnd I didn’t think we were seeking the same thing.
As I thanked him for his time, Carm clarified that he was looking for something long-term too. He just wanted to take his time to get to know a person rather than making it all about the goal. “Ohhhhhh,” I said. He was smart to clarify cuz this gurl was about to walk away. He told me later that he realized in that moment that I was exactly what he had been looking for: a woman who wasn’t playing games but was honest about what she wanted. He won’t about to let me walk away.
Within a day or so, he contacted me to ask me out on an actual date. Ohhhhh how I loved how he asked me out!! It went something like him asking me if I was available on Friday or Saturday that weekend. He had two places in mind that he felt would be good. He described them both, invited me to pick which one I wanted or suggest something else. I chose Beyu Café. I’m so glad that I did. When describing our date only one word captures it adequately - magic. The atmosphere, the food, the live band, the whole night - magic. I was downright giddy, grinning all the way home!
Everything was going well, until. Until he didn’t call. That’s when insecurities and fears got the best of me. You see, I had read the book, HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU. Greg Behrendt cautions that a man isn’t that into you when he can go for more than 48 hours after a date before he calls you. To me, the date had been so wonderful I was surprised and disappointed when he didn’t call. One day went by, no call. I was able to justify that to myself without a problem. Another day went by and no call. Not so easy. By the third day, I called him and invited him to President Obama’s State of the Union but he declined. I was sure that he was feelin just so-so about me and I was too far from the so-so to pump the brakes. Feeling disappointed and scared, I didn’t even pay any attention to the fact that he said he’d be interested in going if it were earlier. All I heard was “he’s not that into you.” Determined not to be undervalued, I ended the relationship. He resumed dating other women and I, other men. In later conversations, we found that we were not satisfied with the people we went out with. After three weeks to a month, I felt compelled to call Carm. I had to apologize to him. I had no other agenda but to let him know that he was a good man and the truth about why I ended things. I… was… scared--point blank.
I can honestly say that, when I called him, I wasn’t expecting for us to get back together. I thought it was too late. Nevertheless, I wanted him to know that he wasn’t to blame, that he was a good man and that I’d not be so quick to abandon the next one. He was so gentle with me, listened without interrupting and then asked, “do you want to try again?” The rest is history.
Thank you, Carm, for making this the best Valentine Day ever. Can’t wait to continue our celebration tomorrow ;)
