Sunday, April 15, 2012
50 Times A Writer: Suzette Unleashed: Don't Chase Provision, Stand in Your Purpose and P...
50 Times A Writer: Suzette Unleashed: Don't Chase Provision, Stand in Your Purpose and P...: "Don't spend your life chasing provision. Stand in your purpose and provision will chase you," says Bishop Jakes while illustrating his poi...
Don't Chase Provision, Stand in Your Purpose and Provision Will Chase You
"Don't spend your life chasing provision. Stand in your purpose and provision will chase you," says Bishop Jakes while illustrating his point holding a $10 bill in front as if chasing it and then behind as if it was chasing him. I forgot that, I thought to myself.
I had scheduled two interviews for Sales jobs. To be honest, they weren't what I wanted. I was consenting simply because these folks had contacted me. Why, as Southern girls, do we feel we have to oblige just because someone asks?! Why can't we allow the deeper truth that resides inside of us to have the louder voice? I'm sorry; I digress. Nevertheless, I had to do what any red-blooded freed woman would do? I canceled those interviews. Yes I did. I shared with my boyfriend why. "I'm not courageous," I said to him. "I'm really not." I often say aloud when I'm praying about the here-here's I've received, "I'm not running for office." I'm doing what I'm doing because I have to. If I don't believe what I say in my blogs, articles and the like, then I have nothing.
I have often said, changing your mind is the easy part. It's the transition that's hard. It's hard to leave the familiar for something that you've never seen or experienced. It's hard when you thought you had found the right job only to discover it's not. What a blow! It's hard when your stand is costing you your savings. It's hard! Now let me clarify something. I'm not grappling with my decision. I know it was right. It's the struggle between where you are and where you are going and the time it's taking you to get there. It's the silence. Then it's the see-nothingness. You struggle with impatience. You come to a dark place where everything is exaggerated or you can't see at all. You start to feel isolated as people around you go about their normalcy and you aren't normal anymore. Everybody can't go with you in the delivery room. Everybody can't handle you when you are birthing something greater than yourself.
Today was difficult. The scripture that came to my mind was "but you have need of patience that after you have done the will of the Lord you might receive the promise." I'm not going to say that God spoke that to me. Time will tell. But what it did do was stop my mind from drifting into dangerous albeit familiar territory. You know, those thoughts that make you suffer. I had enough of that, lemme tell you. Struggling with whether to leave my employment or stay when I knew it was over was torment, absolute torment. I was afraid to leave and afraid to stay. No more suffering!
Bishop Jakes says, "don't give your strength to something that doesn't even matter." It's like this, I can't afford to waste these precious moments. It's not that I've gotten a prognosis and am preparing to die in the near future. It's the fact that at age 52 my mortality is becoming more palpable. I need to be effective. It's like riding a stationery bike. You might pedal oh so fast, but you still ain't gonna move from that spot. Just as I stopped accepting temporary or seasonal men in my life, I have pulled the plug on pimping myself out for a paycheck.
I'm not Oprah. I'm not TD Jakes. I'm not Iyanla. Though the afore-mentioned people excite the very core of my being, I don't lust for what they have or envy them their life path. They aren't my escape. They are simply my God-given encouragers. They rouse the gift that rescued me and that sustains me. I experienced God outside the box. That gift has created a supportive network of warm, affirming friends that I can be myself with. That gift opened my heart and mind to welcome a fulfilling love relationship. Though the chatter around me was to the contrary: there are no good men, there is a 10:1 ratio of women to men, men don't like a woman who are so self-directed, Cinderella is a fairy tale and there is no Handsome Prince, you're going to be a statistic and other familiar beliefs, my truest self objected. "I can't go out like that," it argued. "I'm not suppose to be alone. I can't accept anything less than a genuine, love relationship. Not anymore." My world is the manifestation of that truth. I had nothing else to go on but what resounded inside of me. Why should my employment--where I spend most of my time--be any different?
So how does that look? What is my vision of it? Some clues lie in when I took Career Development courses at Glaxo Inc., one of which was "How To Deal With Difficult People." It was learning those interpersonal skills and the atmosphere of sharing that I felt most alive. There was another time when my ex-husband and I had to go to parenting class. It was required by the mediator in hopes of avoiding a nasty custody battle. I was surprised that I thoroughly enjoyed it. More than the affirmations, I saw myself doing what the facilitator was doing. Perhaps, looking for employment in Career Development, Training and Development or Employee Relations is where I should focus. I saw a position at an area college for a Career Advisor. I applied today. That was the first position I applied for that felt like I was in on the right path.
Group facilitation has a teaching and coaching component that I have enjoyed. I enjoyed that aspect of substance abuse counseling. What was antagonistic was working with an addicted population. I felt like a fraud. I had never been addicted to a substance so all I was regurgitating was book knowledge. I was challenged but there were souls that were impacted by me. Part of attraction to life coaching was it made room for me. It felt like home. I could lend my skills as a counselor to seekers. Whether it was building a business or building a life, I'd work with individuals or groups that were seeking something greater. It is true that people need to feel seen, heard and that they matter. Too, there is a next step. Transformation.
Life has taught me that just feeling understood isn't enough to bring lasting change. It's not enough to get you from your here to your there. One has to figure out their next steps. How can this be useful to move me in my day-to-day? That's the beauty of life coaching. And please know, I'm not trying to make a shameless plug. I truly have progressed because I myself have sought life coaches and/or therapists. Knowledge is illumination but wisdom is how to apply it. I believe that my thirst for knowledge and for wisdom in solving my own internal dilemmas has birthed me into purpose. The proof is not just within me but there is now fruit that others can see and taste of. Athough I have been hired as a secretary or a bookkeeper, it has been those moments where I've been able to share my fruit that I have felt most alive. One such moment was with my ex-employer. He told me that I had insights into people. "What was your perception of him," he would ask. "What did you sense?" I need to find employment where this insightfulness is at work, not something called on occasionally.
I had scheduled two interviews for Sales jobs. To be honest, they weren't what I wanted. I was consenting simply because these folks had contacted me. Why, as Southern girls, do we feel we have to oblige just because someone asks?! Why can't we allow the deeper truth that resides inside of us to have the louder voice? I'm sorry; I digress. Nevertheless, I had to do what any red-blooded freed woman would do? I canceled those interviews. Yes I did. I shared with my boyfriend why. "I'm not courageous," I said to him. "I'm really not." I often say aloud when I'm praying about the here-here's I've received, "I'm not running for office." I'm doing what I'm doing because I have to. If I don't believe what I say in my blogs, articles and the like, then I have nothing.
I have often said, changing your mind is the easy part. It's the transition that's hard. It's hard to leave the familiar for something that you've never seen or experienced. It's hard when you thought you had found the right job only to discover it's not. What a blow! It's hard when your stand is costing you your savings. It's hard! Now let me clarify something. I'm not grappling with my decision. I know it was right. It's the struggle between where you are and where you are going and the time it's taking you to get there. It's the silence. Then it's the see-nothingness. You struggle with impatience. You come to a dark place where everything is exaggerated or you can't see at all. You start to feel isolated as people around you go about their normalcy and you aren't normal anymore. Everybody can't go with you in the delivery room. Everybody can't handle you when you are birthing something greater than yourself.
Today was difficult. The scripture that came to my mind was "but you have need of patience that after you have done the will of the Lord you might receive the promise." I'm not going to say that God spoke that to me. Time will tell. But what it did do was stop my mind from drifting into dangerous albeit familiar territory. You know, those thoughts that make you suffer. I had enough of that, lemme tell you. Struggling with whether to leave my employment or stay when I knew it was over was torment, absolute torment. I was afraid to leave and afraid to stay. No more suffering!
Bishop Jakes says, "don't give your strength to something that doesn't even matter." It's like this, I can't afford to waste these precious moments. It's not that I've gotten a prognosis and am preparing to die in the near future. It's the fact that at age 52 my mortality is becoming more palpable. I need to be effective. It's like riding a stationery bike. You might pedal oh so fast, but you still ain't gonna move from that spot. Just as I stopped accepting temporary or seasonal men in my life, I have pulled the plug on pimping myself out for a paycheck.
I'm not Oprah. I'm not TD Jakes. I'm not Iyanla. Though the afore-mentioned people excite the very core of my being, I don't lust for what they have or envy them their life path. They aren't my escape. They are simply my God-given encouragers. They rouse the gift that rescued me and that sustains me. I experienced God outside the box. That gift has created a supportive network of warm, affirming friends that I can be myself with. That gift opened my heart and mind to welcome a fulfilling love relationship. Though the chatter around me was to the contrary: there are no good men, there is a 10:1 ratio of women to men, men don't like a woman who are so self-directed, Cinderella is a fairy tale and there is no Handsome Prince, you're going to be a statistic and other familiar beliefs, my truest self objected. "I can't go out like that," it argued. "I'm not suppose to be alone. I can't accept anything less than a genuine, love relationship. Not anymore." My world is the manifestation of that truth. I had nothing else to go on but what resounded inside of me. Why should my employment--where I spend most of my time--be any different?
So how does that look? What is my vision of it? Some clues lie in when I took Career Development courses at Glaxo Inc., one of which was "How To Deal With Difficult People." It was learning those interpersonal skills and the atmosphere of sharing that I felt most alive. There was another time when my ex-husband and I had to go to parenting class. It was required by the mediator in hopes of avoiding a nasty custody battle. I was surprised that I thoroughly enjoyed it. More than the affirmations, I saw myself doing what the facilitator was doing. Perhaps, looking for employment in Career Development, Training and Development or Employee Relations is where I should focus. I saw a position at an area college for a Career Advisor. I applied today. That was the first position I applied for that felt like I was in on the right path.
Group facilitation has a teaching and coaching component that I have enjoyed. I enjoyed that aspect of substance abuse counseling. What was antagonistic was working with an addicted population. I felt like a fraud. I had never been addicted to a substance so all I was regurgitating was book knowledge. I was challenged but there were souls that were impacted by me. Part of attraction to life coaching was it made room for me. It felt like home. I could lend my skills as a counselor to seekers. Whether it was building a business or building a life, I'd work with individuals or groups that were seeking something greater. It is true that people need to feel seen, heard and that they matter. Too, there is a next step. Transformation.
Life has taught me that just feeling understood isn't enough to bring lasting change. It's not enough to get you from your here to your there. One has to figure out their next steps. How can this be useful to move me in my day-to-day? That's the beauty of life coaching. And please know, I'm not trying to make a shameless plug. I truly have progressed because I myself have sought life coaches and/or therapists. Knowledge is illumination but wisdom is how to apply it. I believe that my thirst for knowledge and for wisdom in solving my own internal dilemmas has birthed me into purpose. The proof is not just within me but there is now fruit that others can see and taste of. Athough I have been hired as a secretary or a bookkeeper, it has been those moments where I've been able to share my fruit that I have felt most alive. One such moment was with my ex-employer. He told me that I had insights into people. "What was your perception of him," he would ask. "What did you sense?" I need to find employment where this insightfulness is at work, not something called on occasionally.
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