You have a good life: a good job, a comfortable home, and you might even have the man or woman of your dreams. All is well, right? Right! So why the unrest? Why is there this sigh inside of you that goes unnoticed? Why is there this so-so feeling that you cover up when you interact with others or when people talk about how "good" you've got it? Makes you feel bad. Makes you feel ungrateful. Yet, it remains. You can volunteer to help the blind, the deaf, the blind and deaf, but it still remains. You can go to church, have a Hallelujah good time but when the smoke clears, it's still there. You can lay in the arms of your beloved but when he or she rolls over and goes to sleep, it whispers to you. It's that deep breath in followed by a silent sigh of unfulfillment. I have good news. You're not ungrateful. Lest you should spend dollars on a therapist's couch needlessly, neither are you depressed. None of that. Your destiny is simply calling.
Inside the human spirit, I believe there is some Divine DNA. Along with surviving circumstances that would have killed someone else or a heart that forgives the most heinous of unforgiveable acts, there is some spiritual coding inside that sends out an energy pulse when it's time to make a change or you've somehow found yourself at the wrong place, the wrong time or with the wrong person. On the surface, everything looks good. You might have the most understanding and affirming boss ever, make more money than you've ever made, gotten awards and accolades for your contribution, have a strong family life, have all the symbols of success but if you are encoded with something deeper, you will not be happy unless or until unearth the treasure.
How I wish destiny would give you some advance warning. You could make some adjustments. You could negotiate the timing of things with the mortgage payment, the kids' needs, your husband or wife's temperament and timetable. Unfortunately, your calling doesn't work that way. I've found it to be quite rude. It disrupts your sleep whenever it gets ready and says, "it's time to wake up NOW." I marvel that those little stirrings throughout my life meant something. I just didn't know it. Me, I dismissed it as simply something I enjoyed or had an inclination towards but never took it really, really seriously. It was a hobby that I might fit in whenever I had the time. Or a temporary fill-in between jobs. But when it came to making a living and taking care of my family, I put it aside for a "real job."
When contemplating destiny and purpose, Oprah's response rings most true. She says, "The work of your life is to discover your purpose and get on with the business of living it out." That, my friend, is your spiritual quest. You have to find out why the house, the car, the children, the job, the man, the life you have built is not enough. In your unrest, there is a nugget of wisdom yet to be uncovered. It signals you that something is off course and you need to get busy figuring out what it is.
Ignoring, rationalizing, explaining, reframing or even beating yourself up - all, wasted uses of your time--must cease. Listen, simply listen. Listen to that unrest inside of you. Pay attention. Some folks can do that on their own. Others need a supportive influence--a midwife, if you will--to help coach them through the birthing process to that point of illumination. I have been blessed to be that supportive influence. I have also been blessed to have someone support me.
This has brought me into great company! They have been veiled in a femaleness and their skin color is of a brown hue, yet no less great servants to this world. One has found her sense of purpose and joy in motivational speaking. Another has found a sense of calling in advocacy. This is not the end of their calling but they are awakening to the fact that what they feel is not just a passing phase. It's more important. It's how they were created to serve the world. Like me, they have been challenged by three things: One, feeling that family and friends don't get it. They don't fit anymore. Probably never did. Two, feeling like in order to get along with others they have to pull back or dim their light. And last but certainly not least, one word - fear.
We seem selfless. We seem giving. But if the truth be told, we are afraid. We doubt ourselves and the strength of our calling. This makes it much easier to push somebody else's dream. We have all be confronted with that. We have all asked ourselves why. To this, I have some wisdom I've gained. There is Bible story of ten lepers who asked Jesus to heal them. Though there are accounts of Jesus laying hands or speaking to maladies and folks being healed immediately, such was not the experience of these guys. He instructed them to go and show themselves to the priest. Somewhere along the way, they noticed that their diseased limbs were whole. Sometimes you get what you need as you go. Persistence pays off. The longer I keep working toward my goal, the more my confidence increases.
I say to you, using the words of Marianne Williamson. "Your playing small does not serve the world." God gave you the talents, the gifts, the skills and the desire for something greater in your life. It is His Divine DNA, a reflection of His Image, inside of you. To deny it is to deny Him. It's that simple. So part of my coaching is assisting clients with working through that unfinished small thinking. Doesn't mean that you eliminate family and friends out of your life. Quite the contrary. Broaden your space. Add some more chairs. There is room for them in your life. What you have to do however is not give them a front row seat. Save those seats for like-minded individuals. Save those seats for your cheering section. Save those seats for people who support your vision.
I've observed two kinds of success stories: people who are snarky and those who are grateful. The former give credit to no one but themselves. They pulled themselves up by their own bootstraps. "Nobody helped me," they say as they look down their noses. To me, these are the people who "gained the whole world and lost their souls." They are ungrateful, cynical, detached creatures. There is no empathy or regard for their fellow man. On the other side, you have those who give credit to the angels who supported them along the way. Rather than focus on who didn't help them, they talk about the kind stranger who let them sleep on the sofa when they fell on hard times. They speak kindly and reverently of the surrogate family who believed in them against all odds. They give honor to their faith whether it's God, some other spiritual teacher, or in the kindness of others. These folks reach their destined end with a gratitude, a joy, a grace. What determines which success story you will tell? I believe it's release.
You release those who won't, don't or can't support where you are going. You release the husband or the wife who found they could no longer honor their marriage vows because of your emergence. You release family members who were critical of your dream, disavowed your worth or accused you of abandoning your roots. You release the difficulty of your journey. But most of all, you release yourself. You release yourself from having to prove you are good enough. You stop doing penance for a crime you didn't commit or a sentence you didn't deserve. You surround yourself with people who accept you as you. This way, when you attend family functions or go out with your friends, you don't expect stuff out of them that they simply cannot give you. Sidebar: if they make an offhanded remark or you sense a growing cynicism, relegate them in the nosebleed section.
