As I sit here eating, I have a chance to ponder my day. I am grateful to have my energy back. It's not because it's forced. I'm not trying to make myself be anything that I'm not. The energy is flowing on its own. Thank you Jesus!!!! Typically, I am not a sullen personality. I am a high energy, optimistic, joyful spirit. Being in social situations and surrounded by friends makes me as happy as a clam. Feeling sad and temperamental is just not me. Today was a good day. Here lies the deception. You think you are better. So you start getting back into the swing of things. Listening to the same music, watching the same TV programs, engaging in the same conversations with friends. But you aren't okay yet.
Reminds me of my tooth. Not the tooth again! Okay, okay, I hear you. I'll use another example. It's like getting over the flu. You start feeling better and, because you've been couped up and feelin so terribly, you are bursting at the seams to get out again. You are so happy you overdo it. Then you wake up the next morning feelin like... well...h-o-r-r-i-b-l-e!
Last night, I ate something crunchy. I could chew on my left side. Yeah! Wow, I thought to myself, my tooth is healed. So I ate as if everything was fine. But today, it throbbed almost all day long! Sorry, I couldn't help it, I had to slip that tooth thing in cause that's where I am.
So it is with my heart. I was just on the phone with a girlfriend. I was energetic and she even commented that I sounded better. But by the end of the conversation my energy had waned. It's funny how men, relationships and the like are a commonplace discussion for us ladies. Normally, the conversation would have been thought-provoking, discussion-worthy and would leave me feeling energized by the adrenaline-rush I often feel. Relationships are my thing. I read relationship books. I write about relationships. Even hope to have another one one day. Having men and women in a room and listening to them talk about relationships is absolute heaven....normally. Not this time.
I've learned something very valuable tonight. For now, discussions about relationships, men, folks losing someone they love, dating experiences are not a good idea. I'm still very sensitive. I'm gonna have to take it easy. Baby steps.
