What a beautiful day! Upon logging on to Facebook, I was overwhelmed by the outpouring of well-wishes on my wall. I was moved to tears as I read all the "Happy Birthday's" I received. And intermittently were comments that moved me as folks talked about how much I have touched their lives.
In comparison to last year's birthday - the big 5-0 - by all appearances this birthday has been pretty low-key. No hoopla, birthday party or going out on the town. I've not left the house. Yet, all day I've felt overwhelming gratitude.
May I be very transaparent? My 50th birthday was ridden with anxiety about growing or looking old. I needed fanfare. I needed smiling faces, gifts and much ado made over me. I needed to look good in my form-fitting jeans and fashionable boots. I needed to feel like I still had it. That I wasn't ready for sensible shoes. I kept looking in the bathroom mirror, or any mirror for that matter, to make sure I didn't have a sprouting of fine lines around my eyes or more furrows on my forehead.
Age 51 feels more emotionally stable. I feel like a wiser graciousness is coming up from my toes, flowing upward and filling me with a deeper understanding of who I am becoming. No more perplexity about where I fit or how I fit. I don't feel anxiety about where I'm going or growing. Authenticity no longer feels like something I am pursuing; rather, something I embody. Authenticity is a reservoir, springing up and flooding my soul. With it, the revelation that God dwells in me as me. Thanks Elizabeth Gilbert for sharing that simple yet powerful truth!
