Today's blog is a full circle moment. Me, like many of you were taught that hard work pays off. As a result, if I wasn't working hard at something, it wasn't worth much to me. Overachiever's complex, you could call it. You know, the belief that you have to be smarter than the rest and work harder than the least to get ahead. Though I understand the context as a person of color, it can be a stumbling block when you don't know your true value. My full circle moment brings me to what I've learned.
Overachieving makes the goal the end all-be all. We fill our lives with goal setting. Got to reach the goal, we tell ourselves. But if you haven't been present in the journey, you'll get to the finish line and wonder what it was all for. A goal alone is not enough to bring satisfaction. Ask those who have worked their whole lives and have attained much materially but have no relationship with their children now grown. You have to be able to live, laugh and love else it's hardly worth it.
Overachieving makes it hard to listen to your internal compass. You're so focused on the results that you can miss all the cues, whispers and signals of your Wiser Self. Taking a page from my own life, when I went to college I had no idea what I wanted to major in. So when it came time to declare a major, I didn't know what to do. I went to see my guidance counselor, took a test and she said the results were high in math and high in psychology. Being that my goal was to find a good job, I discounted my first love psychology and majored in math instead. My reason? One, I would get out of college on time and two, there was more potential in math to make more money...so I was told.
I disregarded the whisper. My Inner Wisdom knew that psychology was linked to my calling in life. That's why I was enamored with it. Of course, being young and barely in my 20's, I only knew what I knew - absolutely nothing...lol. I went all past my intuition, my gut, and chose math. True, I have an aptitude for math and accounting but my calling, math is not. My calling is more linked to my path and how I was able to overcome the trauma's and hurts.
What I have learned is this. I don't have to strive for what I'm called to do. All I have to do is get in position. Align myself with the wisdom inside and act accordingly. It's not about reaching a goal but living my best life. Everything that I'm suppose to have will run and overtake me. How do I know this? It's happening right now. So, I've turned in my overachiever's card and have placed my stakes in purposeful ground.
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Too Big for the Box
It's becoming the norm. Wake up at 7:00am. Roll over to the left side of the bed. Reach for my laptop awaiting on the floor below. Plug in the battery charger. Open it up. Type, type...rat-a-tat-tat. What a ride I'm on!
Who would have thought that my life would be so exciting! Photo shoots, book covers, videos, collaborative sessions - a darn good man - smiling, creating and attracting the life I want. And did I say a darn good man?
I feel the energy of this next level every single morning. And despite being dog tired by the end of the day, I have a hard time shutting it off. Like the Skittles commercial, I feel like the little boy that starts vibrating with such joy he bursts into hundred of little Skittles.
I prayed for this. I prayed that I would get up every morning excited about my day. I prayed that I'd live my life on my terms. I hated being at somebody else's beck and call. I wanted to do my life my way. If you had asked me a year ago today, I couldn't have dreamed that this would be my today. I was grieving a huge loss, hated going to work so badly I could hardly get out of bed and was being tortured by menopausal symptoms. I didn't know right from left. All I knew was agony of the soul. Sure, I smiled and only a few people knew I was hurting so badly. But every morning and every night my soul wailed bitterly. You know how it feels. It's like life has spun you around so fast that everything is a blur and you can't get your balance.
Grief gave way to no money. The savings I had when I first went on leave and later left my job dwindled down to maybe, what, $10 or $20 dollars. Had it not been for my boyfriend, my sister, an old college chum and my son, I shudder to think of what would have happened. Sure, I had good girlfriends who came by, sat with me, let me cry, watched movies with me, brought over food and all, but that was because of the death of my cousin. Little did they know that their sister was broke as Job's turkey. It was the pits. I think that's why people cling to stuff that they honestly don't want. They fear being broke, alone, isolated. I was no different. I was so emotionally entangled in my then-job for those very reasons that I shed more tears of exhaustion over that job than tears of grief. My employer kept calling me. It became so burdensome that when my cell would ring, I was afraid to look at it.
I can't blame him too much though. I helped to create his dependency and that of the company. His life was still going on. The company still needed to operate. Accounting still needed to be done. I was proud that I was the only person that knew my job. It made me feel needed and valuable. Still, though initially disguised as a rope extended to me to take me higher, it was ever so insidiously wrapping around my neck, tightening with every call. That's why we don't need to let our ego build our life. It makes us feel good in the beginning but it is a trap later. Who wants to be tangled up in something that won't even allow you to grieve one of the biggest losses in your life?
It had to happen. Not my cousin dying, but my coming to that place. That place where you cannot make yourself do it one...more...day. I understand it all now. I understand why small business owners and entrepreneurs are as they are. They hate working for somebody else. They need their own. There's a dream with their names attached and it haunts them until they answer that call.
In my book--that will be available in the Spring by the way (shameless plug....lol)--I talk about God telling me "Don't put me in a box. I'm too big for that." I didn't understand it then but I finally get it. I've just had an aha! God's voice was my voice. It was His Image inside of me, the real me, sharing something vital with me about me: Don't put Suzette in a box. She's too big for that. Wow! How could I have ever thought a box would be okay no matter how big or cleverly wrapped? A box is still a box. A prison is still a prison. I had to break out. It was declared way back when I was a child. Anything that tried to box me in had to let me go. Either they were going to walk away or I was. It's nobody's fault. That's simply what happens when you're out of place or your life lesson is over. We might think we're suppose to be there until we're old, gray and toothless, but a Someone Wiser than us knows differently.
Well, I'm off to write my Inspirational Corner for Fine Success Magazine. I've enjoyed sharing. To find out more about my book and activities leading up to the launch, go to and LIKE my Purposeful Connections Facebook page. More to come. Cyber hug!
Who would have thought that my life would be so exciting! Photo shoots, book covers, videos, collaborative sessions - a darn good man - smiling, creating and attracting the life I want. And did I say a darn good man?
I feel the energy of this next level every single morning. And despite being dog tired by the end of the day, I have a hard time shutting it off. Like the Skittles commercial, I feel like the little boy that starts vibrating with such joy he bursts into hundred of little Skittles.
I prayed for this. I prayed that I would get up every morning excited about my day. I prayed that I'd live my life on my terms. I hated being at somebody else's beck and call. I wanted to do my life my way. If you had asked me a year ago today, I couldn't have dreamed that this would be my today. I was grieving a huge loss, hated going to work so badly I could hardly get out of bed and was being tortured by menopausal symptoms. I didn't know right from left. All I knew was agony of the soul. Sure, I smiled and only a few people knew I was hurting so badly. But every morning and every night my soul wailed bitterly. You know how it feels. It's like life has spun you around so fast that everything is a blur and you can't get your balance.
Grief gave way to no money. The savings I had when I first went on leave and later left my job dwindled down to maybe, what, $10 or $20 dollars. Had it not been for my boyfriend, my sister, an old college chum and my son, I shudder to think of what would have happened. Sure, I had good girlfriends who came by, sat with me, let me cry, watched movies with me, brought over food and all, but that was because of the death of my cousin. Little did they know that their sister was broke as Job's turkey. It was the pits. I think that's why people cling to stuff that they honestly don't want. They fear being broke, alone, isolated. I was no different. I was so emotionally entangled in my then-job for those very reasons that I shed more tears of exhaustion over that job than tears of grief. My employer kept calling me. It became so burdensome that when my cell would ring, I was afraid to look at it.
I can't blame him too much though. I helped to create his dependency and that of the company. His life was still going on. The company still needed to operate. Accounting still needed to be done. I was proud that I was the only person that knew my job. It made me feel needed and valuable. Still, though initially disguised as a rope extended to me to take me higher, it was ever so insidiously wrapping around my neck, tightening with every call. That's why we don't need to let our ego build our life. It makes us feel good in the beginning but it is a trap later. Who wants to be tangled up in something that won't even allow you to grieve one of the biggest losses in your life?
It had to happen. Not my cousin dying, but my coming to that place. That place where you cannot make yourself do it one...more...day. I understand it all now. I understand why small business owners and entrepreneurs are as they are. They hate working for somebody else. They need their own. There's a dream with their names attached and it haunts them until they answer that call.
In my book--that will be available in the Spring by the way (shameless plug....lol)--I talk about God telling me "Don't put me in a box. I'm too big for that." I didn't understand it then but I finally get it. I've just had an aha! God's voice was my voice. It was His Image inside of me, the real me, sharing something vital with me about me: Don't put Suzette in a box. She's too big for that. Wow! How could I have ever thought a box would be okay no matter how big or cleverly wrapped? A box is still a box. A prison is still a prison. I had to break out. It was declared way back when I was a child. Anything that tried to box me in had to let me go. Either they were going to walk away or I was. It's nobody's fault. That's simply what happens when you're out of place or your life lesson is over. We might think we're suppose to be there until we're old, gray and toothless, but a Someone Wiser than us knows differently.
Well, I'm off to write my Inspirational Corner for Fine Success Magazine. I've enjoyed sharing. To find out more about my book and activities leading up to the launch, go to and LIKE my Purposeful Connections Facebook page. More to come. Cyber hug!
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Who's On Your Team?
Today, while watching Good Morning America, I saw the words: Who's On Your Team? It was a caption that was part of a woman's story who is going through the rigors of chemo. It spoke to what we need when we are going through life's challenges. They also talked about Robin Roberts and the far-reaching support she's received throughout her difficult treatment. I began to think about this time in my life.
With all the people I interact with, who is on my team? I'm reminded of the book, The Five Love Languages, where Gary Chapman has identified 5 ways love is communicated. He believes that if you can understand your partner's love language and he understands yours, you can have a satisfying relationship. It is a very thoughtful book and has helped me to identify my love language. My primary and secondary languages are quality time and acts of service. I'm not content with merely talking on the phone, emailing, texting and the like. Connections are important to me. I want to see the person. I also value their involvement. If a person is close to me and doesn't show up for what's significant in my life, I question the substance of the relationship. I use to get really bothered about that and in some cases I still do. It depends on how close that person is to me and what expectations go with that.
Knowing this has called into question what I need going forward. In the Spring of 2013, I will be launching my first book. This is really, really big for me. Like my 50th birthday and my housewarming, this is right up there for me. I realize the whole point of a book launch is to introduce your book and to encourage people to buy it. Just as important to me is having folks come. If a person I consider a close friend foregoes the launch and purchases the book, I'll feel let down. I will. It's not merely about the goal; just as important is having them share the experience.
Most of us extend love to others in ways meaningful to us. Though it may make us feel good, the other person might not understand that. All this is of consideration at this time in my life. If I feel that I am extending myself to speak another's love language but they aren't extending themselves likewise, then it doesn't work. That's when I dial it back a bit. Sounds easy, right? Not really because emotions are often involved. That's why I've made a conscious decision. If a relationship requires more than I can give, I stop and dial it back.
When a rocket soars to a certain height, the rocket boosters have to fall off else the rocket will blow up. I think that's the same way life is. I've finally found what I am called to do and I am so grateful. I actually feel as if I'm soaring at a higher altitude. I have something to look forward to. I will be working for myself doing what I LOVE. What a gift! As a result, I'm not in the same place that I use to be. I'm not wishing. I am doing. Some friends will make the transition with me but others will not. That makes me feel sad. If I could bundle everybody up together and physically take them I would, but that's not how life is. Sure, I can choose to be disappointed, hurt, angry or I can choose to be grateful for the time shared and the value they brought to me. I choose the latter.
I welcome with open arms and an open spirit all who God will send my way. And I bless those whose season is over.
Who's on my team?
With all the people I interact with, who is on my team? I'm reminded of the book, The Five Love Languages, where Gary Chapman has identified 5 ways love is communicated. He believes that if you can understand your partner's love language and he understands yours, you can have a satisfying relationship. It is a very thoughtful book and has helped me to identify my love language. My primary and secondary languages are quality time and acts of service. I'm not content with merely talking on the phone, emailing, texting and the like. Connections are important to me. I want to see the person. I also value their involvement. If a person is close to me and doesn't show up for what's significant in my life, I question the substance of the relationship. I use to get really bothered about that and in some cases I still do. It depends on how close that person is to me and what expectations go with that.
Knowing this has called into question what I need going forward. In the Spring of 2013, I will be launching my first book. This is really, really big for me. Like my 50th birthday and my housewarming, this is right up there for me. I realize the whole point of a book launch is to introduce your book and to encourage people to buy it. Just as important to me is having folks come. If a person I consider a close friend foregoes the launch and purchases the book, I'll feel let down. I will. It's not merely about the goal; just as important is having them share the experience.
Most of us extend love to others in ways meaningful to us. Though it may make us feel good, the other person might not understand that. All this is of consideration at this time in my life. If I feel that I am extending myself to speak another's love language but they aren't extending themselves likewise, then it doesn't work. That's when I dial it back a bit. Sounds easy, right? Not really because emotions are often involved. That's why I've made a conscious decision. If a relationship requires more than I can give, I stop and dial it back.
When a rocket soars to a certain height, the rocket boosters have to fall off else the rocket will blow up. I think that's the same way life is. I've finally found what I am called to do and I am so grateful. I actually feel as if I'm soaring at a higher altitude. I have something to look forward to. I will be working for myself doing what I LOVE. What a gift! As a result, I'm not in the same place that I use to be. I'm not wishing. I am doing. Some friends will make the transition with me but others will not. That makes me feel sad. If I could bundle everybody up together and physically take them I would, but that's not how life is. Sure, I can choose to be disappointed, hurt, angry or I can choose to be grateful for the time shared and the value they brought to me. I choose the latter.
I welcome with open arms and an open spirit all who God will send my way. And I bless those whose season is over.
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
A God Idea!
Rejoice
Rejoice
Rejoice
Rejoice
The Lord is good
He's wonderful
Holy is His Name
The Lord is marvelous
Filled with splendor
Holy is His Name
Different from dreams where you have images and scenes, this was a sound. No images. Nothing preceded it or followed it. No choir director. No robed singers. None of that. Just the song in my head while I slept.
This encounter was the same. I knew I was asleep. I was very aware of that. Yet, I heard a new idea. I'm not going to put it all out there as it is being developed, and just as important, timing is critical. But I will say that it was a God-idea. I had not even conceived doing something like this and I, with baited anticipation, await the time when I will implement it. In the meantime, I am even more certain that I'm smack dab in the center of where I am purposed to be. Creativity and joy are always byproducts.
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