It is true that Steve Harvey, though a bestselling author, is quite controversial. Many people - both men and women - have strong concerns about him due to his checkered past. Nevertheless, I have learned to listen for the voice of my Higher Consciousness, my Wise Guide, my Wonderful Counselor whomever He speaks through. Yesterday, it was Steve Harvey.
Lifechanging for me was his analogy of passion versus gift. Let me explain. We've been told to pursue our passion. That this is the path to true happiness and fulfillment. In difference, Steve gave an example from his own life. When he was young, he was passionate about basketball. "There was one problem," Steve said and I paraphrase. "When I'd have to drive the ball hard to the basket, I'd lose the ball along the way." That's a problem.
"Your gift will make room for you and bring you before great men," says the Bible. Steve referenced this scripture while clarifying that the importance is to find what you are gifted to do. "You can be passionate about something but not gifted to do it." This struck a chord within me.
What is my gift? You might ask. "It's what you do with the least amount of effort," Steve clarified. It's what you're able to do almost effortlessly. It's almost second nature. I began to reflect on my gift of music. That is the gift I am most known by since me and my sisters have been singing and playing the piano since we were young. We'd parade around the front porch of our home on Oak Street, with pencils in our hand as microphones and sing with perfect harmony.
"When I took the DISC Personality Test, my dominate trait was that of Advisor," I whispered to my friend, Gail, while listening to Steve's words. "Most definitely. I can see that," Gail responded. Teacher, counselor, sound advice, easy-to-talk-to, genuine, thought-provoking, outside the box, engaging, honest, enlightening, liberating, soothing are all adjectives I've heard at one time or another to describe how I sing, how I speak and how I write. The singing, the speaking and the writing are just tools for what I am truly gifted to do. Even lately, my boss has been seeking my advice. He has been asking me what I think and how he should approach certain human relations type situations with our business partners. "You're good at that," he tells me.
Perhaps that is why I connect so deeply with Iyanla Vanzant. She has an undeniable gift that transcends her admission of being "crazy." Her humanity does not diminish it. "How do you heal a broken heart?," she asked. " You have to tell yourself the truth." "How do you heal a broken heart?, she asked again. "You have to forgive." She was so dynamic as a featured speaker at Women's Empowerment. No bells. No whistles. No pomp and circumstance. No theme music. No entourage. Just a spiritual being shrouded in human flesh, hurt and personal struggle delivering a message of peace and liberation to a room filled with women. To all the reasons she had to feel otherwise, she declared, "I forgive you. I don't want to but I'm willing." What a gift!
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Stay Open
I use to think that staying open meant tolerating something about someone. It took a lot of psyching myself up. "It'll get better," I'd tell myself. I felt that if I was more tolerate, that made me a better person. Perhaps not so arrogant. Perhaps not so uppity. It would mean I was laid back, easy going, the kind of woman that was more desirable.
Staying open doesn't mean that at all. No one should tolerate being regarded with less value than they have for themselves. You shouldn't have to dim your light so that someone else can feel good about themselves. Staying open does not require that. Rather, it means making room for another person. It means embracing someone for who they are. It means welcoming someone new and different without dismissing them prematurely.
"But he didn't open my car door," she complains. "He is suppose to know that he's suppose to do that!" So, because of this one thing, she discounts that he was patient while he waited for her to get ready, drove to the restaurant and paid for the meal. It is good to have standards; but many of us confuse dating etiquette with character. Just because a man is chivalrous doesn't mean it comes from a pure place. Time reveals what's truly in a man's heart.
Case and point. A friend of mine was in a jewelry store with her boyfriend. They came upon a man who was buying pieces of jewelry for his woman. To an onlooker, his intentions seemed loving and generous. Imagine the surprise when my friend learned that his attitude was very self-serving. He was more interested in buying what he liked and what he wanted her to have.
Staying open means keeping your heart available. So many people have allowed pain to shut their hearts down. They want intimacy but fear it more. It'll cause you to disqualify a good man because he doesn't live up to a Hollywood manufactured ideal. An available heart puts more weigh on what's enduring. A wise heart is careful yes. Guarded and defensive, no.
Staying open doesn't mean that at all. No one should tolerate being regarded with less value than they have for themselves. You shouldn't have to dim your light so that someone else can feel good about themselves. Staying open does not require that. Rather, it means making room for another person. It means embracing someone for who they are. It means welcoming someone new and different without dismissing them prematurely.
"But he didn't open my car door," she complains. "He is suppose to know that he's suppose to do that!" So, because of this one thing, she discounts that he was patient while he waited for her to get ready, drove to the restaurant and paid for the meal. It is good to have standards; but many of us confuse dating etiquette with character. Just because a man is chivalrous doesn't mean it comes from a pure place. Time reveals what's truly in a man's heart.
Case and point. A friend of mine was in a jewelry store with her boyfriend. They came upon a man who was buying pieces of jewelry for his woman. To an onlooker, his intentions seemed loving and generous. Imagine the surprise when my friend learned that his attitude was very self-serving. He was more interested in buying what he liked and what he wanted her to have.
Staying open means keeping your heart available. So many people have allowed pain to shut their hearts down. They want intimacy but fear it more. It'll cause you to disqualify a good man because he doesn't live up to a Hollywood manufactured ideal. An available heart puts more weigh on what's enduring. A wise heart is careful yes. Guarded and defensive, no.
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