This past weekend, I had an fabulous date. One of the best I've had for as long as I can remember. I'll tell you why. It wasn't that I didn't have memorable times together with my ex-boyfriend. It was a fuller and richer date because I felt understood. I didn't have to explain why I think as I do. He understood the meaning behind what I said and what I shared. And I, him.
Since that date, however, I had to let him go. Yeeeeeah. He had the personality. We had common values, common likes, common beliefs, common ways of seeing things and that, mixed with the charm of the cafe, the music and the delicious food made for a magical encounter. Sadly, though, that's all it was. The date was Saturday. Sunday went by without an email, a text or a phone call. Monday, I texted him and invited him to attend the State of the Union Watch Party with me. Though he was very gracious, he declined because "he had to get up at 5:30 in the morning." Oooooo-kay. Let me say, it didn't get better after that. Every opportunity he had to connect went ....ummmm....unnoticed.
Having said that, I'm certain that I would get mixed reviews on my handling of the situation. Taken at face value, Paige Parker, author of Dating Without Drama, would probably say that I should have not been so hasty. The Millionaire Matchmaker would say "men fall in love after the date" so you have to give him time to process. I hear ya, Paige and Patti...BUT I am not a woman who simply needs to chill out. My response to this man wasn't because of anxiety over a phone call. It was out of a mixture of experience, his distant body language, my intuition and honoring who I am and how I roll. I've been treated exceptionally well and I'm not going back to being treated, in my opinion, mediocre.
Someone once said, you should not date someone who values you less than you value yourself. To this, I say a resounding Amen! This does not mean that he should be your sugar daddy or she should be your trophy. Neither does it mean that anyone should coddle any bad or mean-spiritedness egoic eccentricity. It does mean that he should leave no doubt of his interest in you. One of my good friends is dating a man who, by his own admission, is very shy. Despite this, from start to 5 months of being together, he has left no doubt of his intentions and desire for her. Frankly, I believe a man who is cavalier about you from the beginning ain't gonna change in time. He's just gonna frustrate the heck outta ya!
My last experience was with a man who called and/or texted me every day. It was a very validating relationship and I have re-entered the dating world more confident in my worth. To this, my weekend date said that perhaps I was confusing quality with quantity. He might be right but I don't think so. Different men have different ways of expressing their interest but whatever their method, the interest is expressed. You don't hear crickets and toads joining in song as a testimony to the passing of time before he reconnects with you! I read an article, the name I can't remember, that said if you have to wonder if a man is interested then he's probably not interested.
At my age, I ain't wasting my time on a maybe. I no longer feel compelled to chase a man's potential. My standard is simple. I expect to be treated exceptionally well by the man I'm dating. Proportionately, a man will not get a second date if his energy towards me wanes after the first one. .
