I swear I thought I just read this statement; yet riffling through the online pages of Martha Beck’s Oprah Magazine article, “Who’s Sorry Now: Six Ways to Regret-Proof Your Life,” I can’t find it. Please, not yet another senior moment! I dunno maybe it was the need to get to the bottom line as I woefully saw that her article was 6 pages long. [Note to self: make sure your articles don’t intimidate the readers by being too doggone long!]
I believe that unforgiveness is what keeps you in a state of regret. Not so much what other people think, but what you think about it. Maybe it’s because it hurt the people you loved, sabotaged some potential good or crushed some possibility in your life. Or contrariwise, you feel like the victim. You feel, as I did, that someone took advantage of you. You felt humiliated. You felt like the laughing stock or the brunt of someone's pathetic joke. Well, let today be the day you take yourself off the hook.
Though Martha says regret can be good or bad, I would have to say that it’s time to stop regretting and count it as life experience. “If you had known better, you would have done better.” It’s true. If I had known what I know now, I wouldn’t have made some of the decision I made. So, it’s futile to punish yourself for what you didn’t know.
But what if you did know. “I did it anyway,” you might agonize. To this, I say let's examine what the word know means. To know something is to comprehend it fully. I ask you, how can you comprehend something fully without experience or an unexplainable knowing from a Wiser part of yourself?" For whatever reason, it was something that you, I repeat YOU, had to know. Now, you can beat yourself up for that or you can embrace it for what it was. In the words of Dr. Robin Smith, author of Lies At the Altar, a compelling book about marital vows and our lack of readiness to make such promises, “How we grow—emotionally, spiritually, relationally, financially—is to take a risk.”
This brings to mind a spiritual belief I have as a person of faith. I believe my steps are ordered by a Higher Consciousness (whom I adoringly call God) who has a plan for my life. Hence, I can’t make a wrong decision. I know that’s hard for some people to swallow, but think about it. If God is all-knowing--He knows our thoughts even afar off, we belong to Him and nothing about us escapes his watchful eye--then even our mistakes are approved. In fact, there is purpose in them. November 2006, I wrote the article “Perfectionism: A Life Without Flaw.” It starts out with this statement. “I am where I am because I made the perfect decision to get me here.” Now, that’s a dope (brilliant) line if I have to say so myself. Most important, it dispels the belief that you are a victim.
Lest, I should do as my fellow writer Martha Beck and write a 6-pager, I will bring this to a close. Besides, I need to get my butt in gear and get about my day-to-day. I believe that regret only has the power that you give it. You can use that power to whip yourself and deem other people’s recollection as a scarlet letter you’ll have to wear with shame for the rest of your life or you can use your power of reinvention. The Bible calls it redemption. In other words, “when life throws you a lemon, make lemonade.” I don’t know coined that phrase, but we quote it as if Moses had it written on one of his tablets.
It is necessary that you morph your regret into hope. Search through the rubble and find something useful. Let it inspire you to be better for it. More human. Less judgemental. To be a catalyst for change, take that regret and make something out of it that serves humanity in some way. There's a greater good out there that's counting on your arrival.
It is necessary that you morph your regret into hope. Search through the rubble and find something useful. Let it inspire you to be better for it. More human. Less judgemental. To be a catalyst for change, take that regret and make something out of it that serves humanity in some way. There's a greater good out there that's counting on your arrival.
