While eating my cereal and pondering my day, I turned on my TV which was on OWN (of course). It was an encore of Oprah's Farewell Event and Stedman was having words. He talked of how, with all her notoriety, she still brings her lunch to work everyday. As Oprah watched with tears in her eyes and threw a kiss his way, to her surprise Stedman introduced the incomparable Aretha Franklin who sang "Amazing Grace." Everyone knew that Aretha had had some major health challenges but stood flat-footed and belted out a rendition with the power and vocal stylings of her younger years.
If you've ever been lost and now you're found, that song stirs such gratitude to the God of all Grace who found you. That, for me, trumped what I had been taught God's only agenda was: sin and hell. For I was in church all my life and even "got saved" on my knees in my parent's bedroom, but I was as lost as lost could be. I knew church. I knew church culture and doctrine. People would even say I grew up in a Christian home. But I didn't know God for I didn't know myself.
I wasn't good enough. I wasn't holy enough. I always came up short. The rules were so tight and God seemed so hard to appease! I tried, God knows I tried. I so wanted to belong. I so wanted to be righteous. Yet, I was constantly tormented and afraid of being doomed to a fiery hell.
All my life, I felt God's presence. It wasn't hokey or mystical, it was a warm, caring presence; but it was often perverted by those around me who made it not holy enough, not spiritual, not compliant with the doctrine that those around me swore by. I prayed, I fasted, I tarried. Shoot, I got saved every Youth Revival but I was still lost. Everytime I'd hear, "if God were to come today, if you're not sure you'd go back with him, you'd better come to this altar," I would think of all that I lacked and how I kept messing up and would shamefaced come to the altar to beg for forgiveness.
So you see, God finding me was the most wonderful, awesome, amazing thing that ever happened in my life. I know it sounds weird given the torment I just described, but He showed me that was my environment but that wasn't Him. That is what people did based on where they were and how they were taught. They were still stuck in legalism, much like the Old Testament accounts; but hadn't really made the heart shift to grace. They read the letter but didn't truly get the spirit of the letter. He knew the good, the bad, the ugly, the eye-rolling, cussin under my breath me and said "you're enough." And if anything needs to be changed, God is God enough to do it. No one else gets a vote, not even the preacher. Not even the church culture. That, my friends was my salvation. He affirmed me as me.
Me, the person who hated going to Sunday School. Me, the person who hated midweek services. Me, the person who preferred to share a family breakfast than hurry to Sunday worship service. Me, the person who couldn't understand how by not paying tithes I was cursed with a curse. Me, the person who called a thing a thing much to the disapproval of those around me. Me, the woman who wasn't created to fit a religious box or to color inside the lines. Me!
So, while many might not be able to get with the person I've become, I know of God's Amazing Grace and I am abiding in a state of grace. I don't have to worry about messing it up. I live there. It's a of place rest. It's a place of foundness. I did everything I could to botch it up, but God accepted me with open arms and a chuckle because He knew I was finally getting it. I was finally getting why Christ came. As a result, I don't live with a sin-conscious, a hell-conscious or a devil-conscious. I live with a grace-conscious. I live with a found-conscious. I am free, unapologetically and hilariously FREE. This, my friends, is what the birth of the Christ Child means to me. He came to give His life so I could have mine. So tomorrow, should the Lord allow me to see it, I will celebrate this Season with more meaning and gratitude than ever before. And if He chooses to come and take me home before then and this is the last thing I write, it is well with my soul. For I was lost but now I'm found. Was blind but now I see.
Monday, December 24, 2012
Friday, December 21, 2012
Business Strategy in Full Effect
Today, I had another session with my Business Coach. I'm so excited that if you struck a match, I would go up in flames!!!! I feel so alive. I feel so inspired. I feel so on the right track for my life. There is nothing like it. Wheee!!!!!!
We focused on my financial prospectus and how much money I'd need to comfortably be in business for myself. I was actually surprised that I didn't need more. One thing I need to know before I fully cut the chord is how much it would cost a woman my age to have individual health, dental and disability insurance. That is major! That will determine whether I can move forward in my projected timeframe or whether I need to push it out a little bit further.
Next thing. Katrina asked me who is my ideal coaching client. Having coached a phenomenal woman, it was easy for me to describe her. I'll call her P.O.W. "This is the type of person you're called to help," she replied. My mouth dropped open because I realized in that moment that I'm called to coach women like me.
Don't misunderstand. I am not suggesting a cookie cutter of me. Not at all. I'm speaking more of their spirit. Their energy. There is a certain dynamic rhythm to us. We are the make-it-happen woman. I know this woman. She is self-directed and has beaten the odds on so many levels. We think outside the box. We deplored boxes!!! We've slayed those dragons that kept us on lock-down. We know how to fight our way out and our way through. We're resourceful. We're resilient. We got that. It's merely the next level of living that we need help with. It's going from fighting for to owning the territory we fought so hard for. This gives another level to my calling. I not only know what I am called to do, but I know who I'm called to help. This way, I don't spend time trying to morph myself or someone else into somebody we're not.
This is sooooo freeing! My homework assignment is to write down P.O.W's attributes and why it is such a joy to coach her. Next will be to put together screening questions that will help me to recognize this person from potential clients. What I see in this is the importance of knowing who you're called to.
My P.O.W. leaves me energized. This is key. There is a sharing of energy that lifes us both. This is so different from how most folks look at those whom they are called to serve. There's the image of the minister who is exhausted after laying hands or the person who is exhausted after a day's work.
Maybe this is why counseling wasn't a good fit. Without a doubt, I was effective. Earlier this year in fact, I visited the agency where I had my first counseling job. We talked about how things were when I was there and how much I was missed. I know they'd welcome me with opened arms. Still, as effective as I was, I got little back to restore me. The addicted population was brutal. The resistance. The denial. The cyclical regurgitation of the same problems, the same victim-mentality, the same story as if they are caught in an endless do-loop left me drained. No matter what skills or insights I offered, few could absorb it. They were so in their own heads that the work it took was too much. The only reason I lasted as long as I did was because I literally took my phone off the hook on weekends. I didn't enlist in anything that was obligatory. Outside of supporting my son through high school, I was too tired for much else. But as the song goes, "it's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life....and I'm feelin GOOD!!!!!"
We focused on my financial prospectus and how much money I'd need to comfortably be in business for myself. I was actually surprised that I didn't need more. One thing I need to know before I fully cut the chord is how much it would cost a woman my age to have individual health, dental and disability insurance. That is major! That will determine whether I can move forward in my projected timeframe or whether I need to push it out a little bit further.
Next thing. Katrina asked me who is my ideal coaching client. Having coached a phenomenal woman, it was easy for me to describe her. I'll call her P.O.W. "This is the type of person you're called to help," she replied. My mouth dropped open because I realized in that moment that I'm called to coach women like me.
Don't misunderstand. I am not suggesting a cookie cutter of me. Not at all. I'm speaking more of their spirit. Their energy. There is a certain dynamic rhythm to us. We are the make-it-happen woman. I know this woman. She is self-directed and has beaten the odds on so many levels. We think outside the box. We deplored boxes!!! We've slayed those dragons that kept us on lock-down. We know how to fight our way out and our way through. We're resourceful. We're resilient. We got that. It's merely the next level of living that we need help with. It's going from fighting for to owning the territory we fought so hard for. This gives another level to my calling. I not only know what I am called to do, but I know who I'm called to help. This way, I don't spend time trying to morph myself or someone else into somebody we're not.
This is sooooo freeing! My homework assignment is to write down P.O.W's attributes and why it is such a joy to coach her. Next will be to put together screening questions that will help me to recognize this person from potential clients. What I see in this is the importance of knowing who you're called to.
My P.O.W. leaves me energized. This is key. There is a sharing of energy that lifes us both. This is so different from how most folks look at those whom they are called to serve. There's the image of the minister who is exhausted after laying hands or the person who is exhausted after a day's work.
Maybe this is why counseling wasn't a good fit. Without a doubt, I was effective. Earlier this year in fact, I visited the agency where I had my first counseling job. We talked about how things were when I was there and how much I was missed. I know they'd welcome me with opened arms. Still, as effective as I was, I got little back to restore me. The addicted population was brutal. The resistance. The denial. The cyclical regurgitation of the same problems, the same victim-mentality, the same story as if they are caught in an endless do-loop left me drained. No matter what skills or insights I offered, few could absorb it. They were so in their own heads that the work it took was too much. The only reason I lasted as long as I did was because I literally took my phone off the hook on weekends. I didn't enlist in anything that was obligatory. Outside of supporting my son through high school, I was too tired for much else. But as the song goes, "it's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life....and I'm feelin GOOD!!!!!"
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Going After My Dreams
As I was driving home from work, I tuned in to Foxy 107 and I heard something that moved me. Michael Baisden was pleading with his listeners to get their hustle on. He told us that it was a shame to have gone all of 2012 without doing anything to change our situation. He warned that if we don't go after our dreams, another year will pass and many of us will find ourselves right where we are now - nowhere.
What I've learned is this. Unless or until your calling shouts from within, you have nothing of substance to spur you on. Sure, you might join this association or become a part of that moneymaking scheme, but you won't stick with it long because it is not authentic. Once I was awakened to the fact that what I needed was already inside of me, I've been on fire. I have a sense of direction and a groundedness such as I have never known before. There is such joy! I'm having a ball!!!
Out of this authentic space, my goals for 2013 are:
What I've learned is this. Unless or until your calling shouts from within, you have nothing of substance to spur you on. Sure, you might join this association or become a part of that moneymaking scheme, but you won't stick with it long because it is not authentic. Once I was awakened to the fact that what I needed was already inside of me, I've been on fire. I have a sense of direction and a groundedness such as I have never known before. There is such joy! I'm having a ball!!!
Out of this authentic space, my goals for 2013 are:
- To work for myself in 6 months or less
- To position my business to reach my target audience, produce products that folks can buy online and to be profitable
- To become more healthy as an individual and grow with my boyfriend into a stronger couple
- To become a better writer and broaden my readership
- To rebuild and sustain my financial future more in line with my current and future needs as an entrepreneur and business owner
- To take 3 mini-excursions and 1 major trip to someplace I've never been
- To seize every opportunity that rings true and walk through every open door God reveals
- To "stand fast in the liberty wherewith Christ has set me free and to not be entangled again with the yolk of bondage"
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Heart-Opening Wisdom
Loneliness during the holidays is not the absence of people, it's distancing your heart from the love it longs for. We objectify that love by putting a man or woman's face on it or hold it hostage to a painful life event but it's a constricted heart space nonetheless. When your heart opens, loneliness fades.
"But it hurts," you might argue. You're right. It does hurt. It's uncomfortable. It feels weird to allow your heart to open. After all, you're scared. So, let me offer some wisdom. Some heart-opening wisdom, how about that.
Come outside your four walls. There is something symbolic about leaving your house or leaving your normal routine. It's coloring outside the lines. It creates an energy that allows new experiences.
Refuse. And I'll say it again, REFUSE unsafe situations. I don't care if it's expected, familiar or you said you would. Put your heart FIRST. I know it might subject you to criticism. I know that. I can almost guarantee that it will. Expect it and put your heart first anyway.
Look for warm folks, warm spirits, warm venues that feel like a warm blanket being pulled up around you. Open in that space. Touch and allow yourself to be touched. See and allow yourself to be seen. Hear and allow yourself to be heard. Breathe and allow others to breathe you. Taste and allow yourself to be tasted. Engage your five senses when discerning warmth or warm blanket moments.
Make a connection and add it to your life. Perhaps you were walking in the park and felt such a rich energy fill you. Take a picture or pick up a leaf, a branch, something that you can take home with you. For my creative folks, you can finesse it and place it somewhere in your home that you can look at and feel that energy again.
Or perhaps you met someone that made you feel so good...so good just being around them. Square your shoulders and invite them in by asking for their phone number or a way to connect with them. Perhaps they are a speaker who talked your language. They made you feel seen and heard. Most of all, they inspired you! They lifted you. If they are too busy for a one-on-one, no matter. Google them, go on their website, immerse yourself in more of that feeling by experiencing them indirectly. Go to another event where they will be speaking or that they are involved in. Purchase their books. Purchase their CD. Bring it home with you.
"So how long do I have to do this?," you might ask. Do it again and again and again until you feel your heart open. Get up and get out...again. Place yourself in safe places only... again. Take a piece of it with you..again. Do it again until you feel your heart heal. Do it again until you feel your heart love.
If you commit to doing these things consciously and consistently, you'll recreate your environment. You'll create a new experience of your life. Loneliness has no choice but to fade. You'll find yourself surrounded with what feeds you and nurtures you so that you can live again. You will stop objectifying people, places or things with mistrust or as the cure for your loneliness. Rather, you'll see your own power to fill yourself. You will trust yourself to apply the salve that will heal what's broken or what's painful or what's isolating instead of looking at something else to do it. You'll create a space for love. A loving heart is a happy heart. A loving heart is a full heart. It's full no matter where you are and it's wise in knowing how to sustain that fullness.
Maybe you're feeling a little shy about starting or simply sense I am a safe place and you'd like to talk to me, I'm ready to listen. Contact me at coachsuzette@purposeful-connections.com. Regardless, know this: you matter!
"But it hurts," you might argue. You're right. It does hurt. It's uncomfortable. It feels weird to allow your heart to open. After all, you're scared. So, let me offer some wisdom. Some heart-opening wisdom, how about that.
Get up and get out
Come outside your four walls. There is something symbolic about leaving your house or leaving your normal routine. It's coloring outside the lines. It creates an energy that allows new experiences.
Safe places only
Refuse. And I'll say it again, REFUSE unsafe situations. I don't care if it's expected, familiar or you said you would. Put your heart FIRST. I know it might subject you to criticism. I know that. I can almost guarantee that it will. Expect it and put your heart first anyway.
Look for warm folks, warm spirits, warm venues that feel like a warm blanket being pulled up around you. Open in that space. Touch and allow yourself to be touched. See and allow yourself to be seen. Hear and allow yourself to be heard. Breathe and allow others to breathe you. Taste and allow yourself to be tasted. Engage your five senses when discerning warmth or warm blanket moments.
Take a piece of it with you
Make a connection and add it to your life. Perhaps you were walking in the park and felt such a rich energy fill you. Take a picture or pick up a leaf, a branch, something that you can take home with you. For my creative folks, you can finesse it and place it somewhere in your home that you can look at and feel that energy again.
Or perhaps you met someone that made you feel so good...so good just being around them. Square your shoulders and invite them in by asking for their phone number or a way to connect with them. Perhaps they are a speaker who talked your language. They made you feel seen and heard. Most of all, they inspired you! They lifted you. If they are too busy for a one-on-one, no matter. Google them, go on their website, immerse yourself in more of that feeling by experiencing them indirectly. Go to another event where they will be speaking or that they are involved in. Purchase their books. Purchase their CD. Bring it home with you.
Recreate your environment
"So how long do I have to do this?," you might ask. Do it again and again and again until you feel your heart open. Get up and get out...again. Place yourself in safe places only... again. Take a piece of it with you..again. Do it again until you feel your heart heal. Do it again until you feel your heart love.
If you commit to doing these things consciously and consistently, you'll recreate your environment. You'll create a new experience of your life. Loneliness has no choice but to fade. You'll find yourself surrounded with what feeds you and nurtures you so that you can live again. You will stop objectifying people, places or things with mistrust or as the cure for your loneliness. Rather, you'll see your own power to fill yourself. You will trust yourself to apply the salve that will heal what's broken or what's painful or what's isolating instead of looking at something else to do it. You'll create a space for love. A loving heart is a happy heart. A loving heart is a full heart. It's full no matter where you are and it's wise in knowing how to sustain that fullness.
Maybe you're feeling a little shy about starting or simply sense I am a safe place and you'd like to talk to me, I'm ready to listen. Contact me at coachsuzette@purposeful-connections.com. Regardless, know this: you matter!
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Supper Club
What a great weekend. My boyfriend and I went to a second supper club at Buku Restaurant. We had never been there before but had passed it while walking around downtown Raleigh. Such a great place. The food was exceptional! Most of all was sharing such a fun evening with our couple friends. What I like is we are a rainbow coalition of out-of-the-box warm people. We embrace diversity and each other.
I know that my doctor says I should wear low heel shoes. And most of the time, I do; but last night was the exception. I felt girlie. Tis the season! I took out my suede burgundy pumps and let it do what it do!!! It felt great to get dressed up and go out on the town.
I think it's important for couples to make time to court. A date night, a surprise kiss, holding hands, and some naughty flirting can go a long way. Add to that, sprucing up. An extra curl in your hair, some blue eyeshadow, a little bronzer on the shoulders can go a long way! I think our partner needs to see the sexy. Doesn't mean plunging necklines or a hemline up to your apple bottoms, but something that accentuates your greatest features and what he loves most. Maybe he loves your eyes. Play them up. Maybe he loves your curves, then wear something that fits you well without looking hoochey. Don't know if it's that I'm almost 53 or that I now have a man but I am very mindful of these things. What woman who loves her man doesn't like to see his eyes light up?
One, get you a good push up bra. You might not be aware of it right now, one day you will wake up to your breasts being halfway to your waist and you'll wonder when they decided to do that. You'll also notice some vertical wrinkles up and down them that gets masked pretty well with some bronzing lotion and again with a nice push up.
Another thing is stretching. It is important to stretch every day or at least every other. It keeps you from getting stiff and walking like Fred Sanford. Trust, if you don't think you're headed there, let me tell you. You'll go to get off your bed and stiffness will have you walking like an old lady. Thank God for stairs. Like Betty White, "I am forgetful." So going up and down the stairs is very helpful. I've also learned that some foot pain is because of shortening muscles down the back of your leg. To step on the stairs and allow your heels to hang downward off the step will stretch that muscle back out. It's also important for hand pain to stretch the muscles in your forearm. One way I do that is extend my arms in front of me and with the other hand, pull my hand back. It stretches your ulnar nerve.
Thirdly, being in love reverses the signs of aging. The joy that fills your heart and the constant smiling is such an energy boost. To be emotionally available for love, one has to allow another person into one's internal experience. That will make you resolve areas that don't get resolved without that type of intimacy. And it is medically proven that a satisfying sex life does wonders for you overall health.
Lastly, the importance of sleep. Right now, I'm up beyond what I should be, but getting at least 8 hours of sleep a night does wonders for energy level and makes you look less tired. As we get older, we are more aware of wrinkles. We don't want to exaggerate the bags under our eyes due to lack of sleep. So, with that, I'm getting ready to go to bed.
Have a great evening!
I know that my doctor says I should wear low heel shoes. And most of the time, I do; but last night was the exception. I felt girlie. Tis the season! I took out my suede burgundy pumps and let it do what it do!!! It felt great to get dressed up and go out on the town.
I think it's important for couples to make time to court. A date night, a surprise kiss, holding hands, and some naughty flirting can go a long way. Add to that, sprucing up. An extra curl in your hair, some blue eyeshadow, a little bronzer on the shoulders can go a long way! I think our partner needs to see the sexy. Doesn't mean plunging necklines or a hemline up to your apple bottoms, but something that accentuates your greatest features and what he loves most. Maybe he loves your eyes. Play them up. Maybe he loves your curves, then wear something that fits you well without looking hoochey. Don't know if it's that I'm almost 53 or that I now have a man but I am very mindful of these things. What woman who loves her man doesn't like to see his eyes light up?
I've learned some things having been in my 50's for 2 years.
One, get you a good push up bra. You might not be aware of it right now, one day you will wake up to your breasts being halfway to your waist and you'll wonder when they decided to do that. You'll also notice some vertical wrinkles up and down them that gets masked pretty well with some bronzing lotion and again with a nice push up.
Another thing is stretching. It is important to stretch every day or at least every other. It keeps you from getting stiff and walking like Fred Sanford. Trust, if you don't think you're headed there, let me tell you. You'll go to get off your bed and stiffness will have you walking like an old lady. Thank God for stairs. Like Betty White, "I am forgetful." So going up and down the stairs is very helpful. I've also learned that some foot pain is because of shortening muscles down the back of your leg. To step on the stairs and allow your heels to hang downward off the step will stretch that muscle back out. It's also important for hand pain to stretch the muscles in your forearm. One way I do that is extend my arms in front of me and with the other hand, pull my hand back. It stretches your ulnar nerve.
Thirdly, being in love reverses the signs of aging. The joy that fills your heart and the constant smiling is such an energy boost. To be emotionally available for love, one has to allow another person into one's internal experience. That will make you resolve areas that don't get resolved without that type of intimacy. And it is medically proven that a satisfying sex life does wonders for you overall health.
Lastly, the importance of sleep. Right now, I'm up beyond what I should be, but getting at least 8 hours of sleep a night does wonders for energy level and makes you look less tired. As we get older, we are more aware of wrinkles. We don't want to exaggerate the bags under our eyes due to lack of sleep. So, with that, I'm getting ready to go to bed.
Have a great evening!
Friday, December 14, 2012
Positioning for My Future
Right out the gate at today's session, she talked with me about what her intentions were for me after immersing herself in all things Suzette: supporting in restructuring, branding and positioning me to work full time for myself. She was talking; I was typing. Her first question was how much do you want to make? The figure I gave her was what I currently live off of. Immediately, she encouraged me to shift my thinking from what I'd make working for somebody else to what's needed to run my own business and have that business be able to pay me without my having to constantly fish for money. "It's got to be able to sustain you and sustain itself," she explained as she doubled that figure.
Another shift in thinking came about when we talked about the cost of my services and how I approach potential clients. The example she gave was of the person shopping for shoes versus a person seeking servicing of their car. Two different mentalities. A person shopping for shoes, unless they have a real thing for name-brand or high end type shoes, will typically look for a bargain. Comparatively, a person seeking to have their car fixed understands that to maintain that car so it will run optimally for a long period of time will cost money. She clarified further, "One sees paying money as a bargain hunter--get what you need as cheap as possible--while the other sees it as an investment in the future." What I want is the latter.
Immediately, my Wise Self tapped me on the shoulder and said, "you want to attract clients like you." I don't haggle. I'm a show up kind of girl. I am guided by where I see myself going and if every fiber of my being says this person is the one to get me there. Pure and simple. When that's the case, I figure if I don't have the money, I will have it by the time I start. If they are my connection to the life I want to have and that life is being motivated by my destiny, then getting the money to pay them is nothing but a thing.
Sunday, December 9, 2012
Handle Your Business Girl (HYBG) Empowerment Zone
On yesterday, I was privileged to carpool with two of my girlfriends to a master coach certification event. It was called Handle Your Business Girl Empowerment Zone Master Coach Certification. First of all, the name grabbed me. Secondly, the words master coach certification sparked my interest in perfecting my craft. I didn't know exactly what was going to happen. All I knew was I had to be there.
Have you ever listened to a speaker and your Wise Self interpret what they say to speak directly to where you are. Unlike most folks, I don't generally take notes. I remember better when I listen and then I write from what rests inside. When I do take notes, I have to feel inspired, really inspired. I felt inspired yesterday. If someone were to read my notes though, they would think, "the speaker didn't say that" or "that is not what she meant." It's because the Interpreter in me let me hear it in my own native tongue.
Afterwards, with my girlfriends, I pondered what truly lies at the core of competition or jealousy among women as this was talked about during the event. I think it stems from feeling like something is lacking--whether it is a lack inside or a lack of resources. I didn't feel any of that. I really didn't. When you believe that what God has given you is enough and He is working behind the scenes to order your steps and to provide what you need, there is nothing to hang these negatives emotions on. There simply isn't. Dr. Gail Hayes, the CEO of HYBG University, shared how she's always been disliked by women. Her belief is they are that way because they don't know who they are. I agree. You've got to be clear about your own identity. The dean, Greer Holmes, helps people to get clear. Not just about who you are but what you have to offer this world. When you admire and love yourself in a healthy, spiritually-mature way, there's no need for comparison. I'd dare say that when you feel that flutter of negativity towards another woman, it's really about you. There's something inside of you that is broken that needs to be healed. And as Dr. Hayes says, that woman you don't like has the key to your next level.
I am self directed and am very comfortable in that. I move when I feel an inner prompting or an inner curiosity. When I feel pushed to do otherwise, I get frustrated. Perhaps that's because I'm a Middle Child. In many arenas where there is a powerful and confident woman, we tend to admire them, want to follow them and/or envy them. I admire Dr. Hayes and the beautiful, insightful, talented women who comprise her Master Coaching Team.
What I got out of the event was confirmation, inspiration and collaboration. I knew that I was in the right place at the right time. It felt authentic. It felt right. I got so many confirmations from people just sharing and talking and encouraging. These women didn't know they were seconding what my heart had already told me. Lastly, I added more names to my sister circle. More people to collaborate with and perfect my vision and my direction. It wasn't just about seeking friends or networking for me. It was about connecting with whomever God had prepared for me to meet. I leave the rest to Him.
Afterwards, with my girlfriends, I pondered what truly lies at the core of competition or jealousy among women as this was talked about during the event. I think it stems from feeling like something is lacking--whether it is a lack inside or a lack of resources. I didn't feel any of that. I really didn't. When you believe that what God has given you is enough and He is working behind the scenes to order your steps and to provide what you need, there is nothing to hang these negatives emotions on. There simply isn't. Dr. Gail Hayes, the CEO of HYBG University, shared how she's always been disliked by women. Her belief is they are that way because they don't know who they are. I agree. You've got to be clear about your own identity. The dean, Greer Holmes, helps people to get clear. Not just about who you are but what you have to offer this world. When you admire and love yourself in a healthy, spiritually-mature way, there's no need for comparison. I'd dare say that when you feel that flutter of negativity towards another woman, it's really about you. There's something inside of you that is broken that needs to be healed. And as Dr. Hayes says, that woman you don't like has the key to your next level.
I am self directed and am very comfortable in that. I move when I feel an inner prompting or an inner curiosity. When I feel pushed to do otherwise, I get frustrated. Perhaps that's because I'm a Middle Child. In many arenas where there is a powerful and confident woman, we tend to admire them, want to follow them and/or envy them. I admire Dr. Hayes and the beautiful, insightful, talented women who comprise her Master Coaching Team.
What I got out of the event was confirmation, inspiration and collaboration. I knew that I was in the right place at the right time. It felt authentic. It felt right. I got so many confirmations from people just sharing and talking and encouraging. These women didn't know they were seconding what my heart had already told me. Lastly, I added more names to my sister circle. More people to collaborate with and perfect my vision and my direction. It wasn't just about seeking friends or networking for me. It was about connecting with whomever God had prepared for me to meet. I leave the rest to Him.
Friday, December 7, 2012
New Territory
With me contributing to a myriad of different E-writing opportunities, I have had to rethink my posts to this blog. My blogs tend to become articles. I don't plan on it, it just happens. To make it more bloggy, I've decided to make this more of a public diary. Not that I plan on telling you what I ate for breakfast or all my business, I do plan on talking more about where I am in the moment.
Sure I am a life coach. But I think it's important for clients to know that I live what I talk about. I have to do the work to get from Point A to Point B too. I seek guidance, wise counsel, coaching to help give insight and accountability.
Tonight while talking with my boyfriend, I realized something. This is the first relationship I've ever had that came to a difficult point that didn't result in weakening the relationship or revealing how weak it was. Though I'm glad on the one hand, on the other, I've never been here before. I know it sounds strange that a woman twice married my age would say that but it's true. What bonded me in past relationships was a need for validation or approval. My independence was praised as long as it meant I didn't require true intimacy. Vulnerability was shunned and I felt cut off. That's not the case in this relationship.
Sure, we're prone to fight-or-flight when we feel threatened with whatever our brand of threat is; but we haven't attacked each other. That's noteworthy. My past tendencies to fire up and let er rip have been tempered by my work with my coach. My hap was to go into defensiveness mode and then attack. Granted, it felt good in the moment but afterwards I'd see such devastation. Then I'd feel guilty and assume responsibility. This absolutely negated my own feelings.
This is new territory for us both but we've decided something. We want to make this work. We've found a safe place and we want to make a home there.
It requires bonding as a couple as well as dealing with our individual issues. If this will bring us to a whole and authentic space, it'll be so worth it. I am hopeful.
Sure I am a life coach. But I think it's important for clients to know that I live what I talk about. I have to do the work to get from Point A to Point B too. I seek guidance, wise counsel, coaching to help give insight and accountability.
Tonight while talking with my boyfriend, I realized something. This is the first relationship I've ever had that came to a difficult point that didn't result in weakening the relationship or revealing how weak it was. Though I'm glad on the one hand, on the other, I've never been here before. I know it sounds strange that a woman twice married my age would say that but it's true. What bonded me in past relationships was a need for validation or approval. My independence was praised as long as it meant I didn't require true intimacy. Vulnerability was shunned and I felt cut off. That's not the case in this relationship.
Sure, we're prone to fight-or-flight when we feel threatened with whatever our brand of threat is; but we haven't attacked each other. That's noteworthy. My past tendencies to fire up and let er rip have been tempered by my work with my coach. My hap was to go into defensiveness mode and then attack. Granted, it felt good in the moment but afterwards I'd see such devastation. Then I'd feel guilty and assume responsibility. This absolutely negated my own feelings.
This is new territory for us both but we've decided something. We want to make this work. We've found a safe place and we want to make a home there.
It requires bonding as a couple as well as dealing with our individual issues. If this will bring us to a whole and authentic space, it'll be so worth it. I am hopeful.
Thursday, December 6, 2012
It's A Wonderful Life
It started last night. I looked at my new business page on Facebook with the same 3 Likes. Shaking my head, I couldn't figure what was wrong. I had contacted everyone on my Yahoo address list, inviting them to Like my new page. Nothing.
I had deactivated my personal profile in an effort to transition from using Facebook as a social medium to using it as a platform for my coaching practice. I meant well, but things weren't going as I had hoped. Each day, I'd log on only to find the same three people. Sigh. Then the lightbulb came on. Perhaps I deactivated my page prematurely, I thought. I jumped back on Facebook, reactivated my personal profile page and started sending private messages to my friends list and posting invites on the timelines of groups I had joined. In less than 24 hours, I have 71 Likes and climbing. The outpouring has been remarkable. Folks aren't just liking my page but they are sending me "of courses" and "certainly's" and well wishes and votes of confidence.
Reminds me of the classic Christmas movie, It's a Wonderful Life. Actor, Jimmy Stewart, portrays a disheartened George Bailey. For years, he continued his father's legacy of helping the folks of his small town. He granted them loan extensions and other financial breaks but when his bank went belly up, folks started demanding their money. Overcome with anxiety, George did as many folks do: got drunk and drove like a bat out of hell down the road. He ends up wrecking his car and wishing he were never born. Fortunately, or maybe not so fortunately, an angel granted him that wish.
Through a series of twists and turns reminiscent of Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol, the angel accompanies him through what life would have been like had he never been born. When he realizes that life without the ones he loves is no life at all and how so many people's lives were better because he was born, he prays that he get his life back. Through tear-stained eyes, he hears someone calling his name and realizes that he has been given such a wonderful gift. With snow sloshing all around, he runs through his house calling for his wife and kids. She comes in and he showers her and the kids with kisses completely unaware of the miracle that has happened. Within moments, the townspeople he's helped over the years turn out in overwhelming numbers with money to help him. I'm not getting money -- YET -- but the outpouring of love from my friends and friends of friends is just as wealthy.
Truly, I am basking in God's favor! It's a wonderful life!
I had deactivated my personal profile in an effort to transition from using Facebook as a social medium to using it as a platform for my coaching practice. I meant well, but things weren't going as I had hoped. Each day, I'd log on only to find the same three people. Sigh. Then the lightbulb came on. Perhaps I deactivated my page prematurely, I thought. I jumped back on Facebook, reactivated my personal profile page and started sending private messages to my friends list and posting invites on the timelines of groups I had joined. In less than 24 hours, I have 71 Likes and climbing. The outpouring has been remarkable. Folks aren't just liking my page but they are sending me "of courses" and "certainly's" and well wishes and votes of confidence.
Reminds me of the classic Christmas movie, It's a Wonderful Life. Actor, Jimmy Stewart, portrays a disheartened George Bailey. For years, he continued his father's legacy of helping the folks of his small town. He granted them loan extensions and other financial breaks but when his bank went belly up, folks started demanding their money. Overcome with anxiety, George did as many folks do: got drunk and drove like a bat out of hell down the road. He ends up wrecking his car and wishing he were never born. Fortunately, or maybe not so fortunately, an angel granted him that wish.
Through a series of twists and turns reminiscent of Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol, the angel accompanies him through what life would have been like had he never been born. When he realizes that life without the ones he loves is no life at all and how so many people's lives were better because he was born, he prays that he get his life back. Through tear-stained eyes, he hears someone calling his name and realizes that he has been given such a wonderful gift. With snow sloshing all around, he runs through his house calling for his wife and kids. She comes in and he showers her and the kids with kisses completely unaware of the miracle that has happened. Within moments, the townspeople he's helped over the years turn out in overwhelming numbers with money to help him. I'm not getting money -- YET -- but the outpouring of love from my friends and friends of friends is just as wealthy.
Truly, I am basking in God's favor! It's a wonderful life!
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
Ponderings of An Aging Woman
It's hard to believe that in 22 days I'll be 53. One thing that I've noticed right off is my reflection in the mirror still looks okay but my recent pictures are revealing that the camera doesn't love me like it use to. Unless I stand in the perfect lighting, the wrinkles, the weakening eye sockets and the loss of elasticity in my face are very apparent. I ain't gon lie. I don't like aging. I really don't. At the same time, it makes me ponder what I have that shines brighter than my outward appearance. After all, as you age, beauty fades. And at a certain age, botoxing and face lifting and nip tucking just starts looking....well....wrong.
Now, don't get it twisted. As long as I have an ounce of vanity, I plan on being a Diva. Class, elegance and poise are ageless and so is style. Can I get an Amen?! I'm not going to say that one day I won't have some work done to help a sistah out. Contrary to what many celebrity women are doing, I don't want to look like I've had work done. Just like makeup, a little body work or face work is suppose to only enhance what you already have going for you. When it's overdone, it looks unattractive.
I have to admit, sometimes I start feeling insecure. It's not all-consuming but every now and then, I hear that gentle reminder, "Guuuurl, you gettin oldddddddd."
Will my boyfriend still think I'm hot as I continue to age?
We tell ourselves it's what's inside that counts, but c'mon now. Any woman who loves her man wants to keep that sexual tension poppin. She doesn't want to go through a lot of trouble--the high heels, the weaves, the thongs--but she does want his head to turn or his eyes to do that shift thingy that men's eyes do when they are checking you out. I love it when I'm talking to my boyfriend and his eyes do that double blink when I enter the room ready to go out with him. Or when he slips his arm around my waist as if to tell all the other fellas, "Yeah, I know she's fine and she's mine. So you'd better recognize and jump back, Jack."
In a conversation Oprah was having with one of her guests about how you can tell if a man is in love with a woman, they agreed it's that his eyes light up. I know the day will come that I will stop turning heads and stopping traffic. It's inevitable. Okay, I never stopped traffic but you feel me. Eyes that once lit when I entered a room will look right pass me. I just hope that my love's eyes will still shine and he'll continue to rush to open the door or to grab the groceries for me because he still feels like the luckiest man alive.
Sunday, December 2, 2012
Drama Free
The beauty of being on the precipice of 53 years old is coming to a place of acceptance more quickly. I definitely am not exempt from rises and falls, bright spots and dark places, juggling different components of my life and evaluating when I should fight for and when I should simply let go.
There is a story in the Old Testament of King David where he fasted, prayed and begged God to spare the life of his baby with Bathsheba. When he received word that his child had died, he got up and went on about his life. Baffled, those around him inquired as to how he could do that. He simply said that as long as his child lived there was a chance for recovery but now his child was dead. There was nothing left to do. I cannot compare the events of this past week with David's process. It pales in comparison. But for the sake of making my point of acceptance, I can say this. Relationships have difficult places. Those I compare to category 1 earthquakes. You barely feel them. Contrary to this are our category 10 quakes. Those happen very seldomly--every 1000 years to be exact. But those are most devastating.
Feeling the undeniable strength of a relationship earthquake, I began to assess the strength of my foundation. This required that I take a look at the cracks that had been growing underneath my feet that now could not be ignored. I prayed for illumination. I consulted with family and friends. I prayed some more. Two things came out of this evaluation:
(1) I was afraid. What triggered my fear was becoming very sick and feeling vulnerable and alone. This sent a shock through everything that wasn't stable. Isn't that just like life? An earthquake, even a small tremor, will dismantle anything that might appear to be okay or manageable and make it fall to the floor and break into thousands of tiny pieces.
Though I feel a strong impulse to fight-or-flight when I feel vulnerable and alone, I had to stay that feeling. Talking to trusted friends and family helped stabilize me. I became aware that I cannot leave something due to fear. In the past, when I've done that, I've secondguessed what I did or what I said.
Lesson: Don't run off into the dark when you are spooked. You can't see where you're going and everything looks ominous. Wait until the light comes on before you make a move.
(2) Though talking to family and friends helped give me more perspective, I wasn't content until I heard the voice of my Wisest Self. There is a passage from the Bible--I can't tell you where it is--that says, "the entrance of your Word brings Light." What immediately comes to mind is sitting around the table, trying to figure something out. Then someone enters with the answer. The entrance of Truth settles all conflicts both internal and external. When that happens, I no longer need to consult with anyone else. I know what you must do.
This is what keeps me from becoming a victim. People come into our lives as mirrors. We all struggle with the image as long as we keep seeing the other person. But when we see ourselves, transformation takes place. Anything we are going through isn't about the other person; it has come to teach us something about ourselves. It has come to bring us to a more conscious place. It comes to show us what is out of order inside of us and what we must do to change that.
The final question I asked myself was "is this giving me what I need?" Not want, but truly need. Once you know that, it's easy to decide what to do even if prior to that you had a strong emotional attachment. Either that person is going to give that to you or they are not. Either they can or they cannot. No reason to villify them for it. Release them to find their own authentic path. It save you a great deal of angst and drama.
Lesson: Do not make a permanent decision based in your ego, i.e., guilt, shame, blame, or what other people think you should do. Rather, wait until your Wisest Self speaks. Then and only then will your decision be the right one. This will bring you into a drama free space and you can breathe again.
There is a story in the Old Testament of King David where he fasted, prayed and begged God to spare the life of his baby with Bathsheba. When he received word that his child had died, he got up and went on about his life. Baffled, those around him inquired as to how he could do that. He simply said that as long as his child lived there was a chance for recovery but now his child was dead. There was nothing left to do. I cannot compare the events of this past week with David's process. It pales in comparison. But for the sake of making my point of acceptance, I can say this. Relationships have difficult places. Those I compare to category 1 earthquakes. You barely feel them. Contrary to this are our category 10 quakes. Those happen very seldomly--every 1000 years to be exact. But those are most devastating.
Feeling the undeniable strength of a relationship earthquake, I began to assess the strength of my foundation. This required that I take a look at the cracks that had been growing underneath my feet that now could not be ignored. I prayed for illumination. I consulted with family and friends. I prayed some more. Two things came out of this evaluation:
(1) I was afraid. What triggered my fear was becoming very sick and feeling vulnerable and alone. This sent a shock through everything that wasn't stable. Isn't that just like life? An earthquake, even a small tremor, will dismantle anything that might appear to be okay or manageable and make it fall to the floor and break into thousands of tiny pieces.
Though I feel a strong impulse to fight-or-flight when I feel vulnerable and alone, I had to stay that feeling. Talking to trusted friends and family helped stabilize me. I became aware that I cannot leave something due to fear. In the past, when I've done that, I've secondguessed what I did or what I said.
Lesson: Don't run off into the dark when you are spooked. You can't see where you're going and everything looks ominous. Wait until the light comes on before you make a move.
(2) Though talking to family and friends helped give me more perspective, I wasn't content until I heard the voice of my Wisest Self. There is a passage from the Bible--I can't tell you where it is--that says, "the entrance of your Word brings Light." What immediately comes to mind is sitting around the table, trying to figure something out. Then someone enters with the answer. The entrance of Truth settles all conflicts both internal and external. When that happens, I no longer need to consult with anyone else. I know what you must do.
This is what keeps me from becoming a victim. People come into our lives as mirrors. We all struggle with the image as long as we keep seeing the other person. But when we see ourselves, transformation takes place. Anything we are going through isn't about the other person; it has come to teach us something about ourselves. It has come to bring us to a more conscious place. It comes to show us what is out of order inside of us and what we must do to change that.
The final question I asked myself was "is this giving me what I need?" Not want, but truly need. Once you know that, it's easy to decide what to do even if prior to that you had a strong emotional attachment. Either that person is going to give that to you or they are not. Either they can or they cannot. No reason to villify them for it. Release them to find their own authentic path. It save you a great deal of angst and drama.
Lesson: Do not make a permanent decision based in your ego, i.e., guilt, shame, blame, or what other people think you should do. Rather, wait until your Wisest Self speaks. Then and only then will your decision be the right one. This will bring you into a drama free space and you can breathe again.
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
I'm Awake
Today is the second day I've challenged myself to get up early and get to work 8:00ish. I ain't gon lie. It's been hard. I probably shouldn't have stayed up watching one of my favorite television police shows, Castle, last night. I dozed half way through it. Despite the struggle, I am finding that I can get to work by 8am, okay 8:15, even with Highway 40 traffic congestion and I am not drained at the end of the day. Who knew!
Self discipline is something we have to work on every single day.
Folks envy those who have flexible work hours and can do whatever they want when they want. However, truth be told, you get pretty lazy unless you set goals for yourself. This morning I had to use my parent voice to rouse me from underneath those comfy sheets. This is where you intention has to be clear.
I've already put out into the Universe that I want to wake up every morning excited about my day. This doesn't just happen however. Each day I have to take conscious steps in that direction. With this in mind, I have adopted some guiding principles.
One of my guiding principles is to watch what I lend my strength to.
True, I work part-time for someone else right now. That might be the reason I need to be roused out of bed. Nevertheless, I am expected to show up to work and perform the job at an acceptable level. With burn outs has come wisdom. I've learned that I don't have to overachieve, especially when it's not what I ultimately want for my life. My strength is reserved for building an authentic worklife.
This insight didn't come without a struggle. I was told like many of you that as a Black woman I'd have to do everything better than my counterparts. This was reinforced in school where people of color had to be higher achievers and over achievers to get the same opportunities as others. For this reason, many of us don't feel worthy unless we work hard. However, even a strong work ethic becomes a dysfunction if you don't feel you are enough in and of yourself. The key is this, when you seek to live authentically, resources are attracted to you. Accept them as God's validation of you.
Another guiding principle is to do something to maximize my businesses every single day.
Fortunately, I've taken what I am gifted to do, talented at, and skilled to do and turned it into businesses. Nevertheless, my goal is profitability. This requires denouncing a hobby mentality.
I've mentioned already that I work part-time. It's for a staffing agency providing bookkeeping services for one of its clients. Well, my business Odyssey Administrative Services offers bookkeeping as well. A hobby mentality would accept doing the bookkeeping for someone else. However, my entrepreneurial spirit knows that the day will come when working for another company will no longer work for me. No pun intended. Staying conscious that this is merely a stepping stone keeps me ready for the shift. And trust, a shift is coming.
When you stand conscious and honoring of who you are, even in your work life, anything that is not on board is headed for a shift. Just because you've been traveling this highway of life for a long time doesn't mean that Life won't bring you to an exit. The exit might be to abandon one highway to travel a completely different one. Orrrrrrrr, it might be to follow the same highway but with a shift in perspective. There might be something redeemable, reinventable, in your current circumstances that will lead you to where you want to be. A practical example of this is, say, a temporary assignment is about to come to an end but the company still wants you to work for them. Rather than becoming an employee, your Wiser Self might lead you to negotiate an agreement to subcontract. Hello, it's been done before. Know this, when someone really truly wants you, they are willing to negotiate how you will provide the service.
Sunday, November 18, 2012
Elizabeth Gilbert, My Soul Sister
While watching an encore of The Best of the Oprah Show where Oprah is interviewing Elizabeth Gilbert, the author of the phenom EAT PRAY LOVE, about her journey, I feel such a kindredness to her. Our journeys are geographically different but so spiritually similar.
I know what it's like to have an enviable life: the house, the husband, the life, yet be absolutely miserable. She talks about retiring to the bathroom and laying on her face, sobbing profusely and pouring out her soul. "Please help me," she said as she rocked back-and-forth engulfed in the discomfort of not being happy. She didn't want to be married anymore. She didn't want the house. She just wanted to run away; she just wanted out. Been there, soul sister. You don't know how to do it. You don't know anything except you just can't do it anymore. Hers was 6 months. Mine? I'm not so sure of the time frame. All I know is that I came to a point where I could no longer tolerate my life.
Prayer takes on many forms. Some see it as a conscious act of intellectual and articulate communication. Prayer becomes a soul's cry when you are overwhelmed and don't know how, what, where, when, and you feel ripped apart. All you can get out of your mouth is a "help me." It's an acknowledgement that life is too big. Stuff happens that hits you from left field and flat lines you. Sometimes prayer is a whimper, a holler, a moan, a sigh and God speaks fluent whimper, holler, moan and sigh.
Another thing I feel makes her my soul sister is she recognized that she had not allowed herself to enjoy pleasure. Everything was about right, wrong, responsible, obligatory and boundaries that were so stringent they were killing her life force. I understand that as I grew up in a very sheltered environment. I felt like I couldn't breathe else risk sinning.
I'm going to make a very bold statement and nobody has to agree with me. It's my observation. Strict, legalistic, even very religious backgrounds seem to perpetuate frustration that uses sex as an outlet. Whether it's pornography or some other hidden sexual exploit, most folks use it to cope with some dissatisfaction, some lack, some guilt. As a child, I was puzzled about the teenage girls that had to sit in the back of the church because there were pregnant. They had heard the same fire and brimstone messages as me. Yet, there they were. Have you ever wondered why that is?
"It's the pleasures of sin," the preacher and church community said. "That's why you need to stay in church." The devil was often blamed. Is that possibly a form a denial though? After all, you have no responsibility to do anything when you fall prey to the devil. Lord knows, I didn't want that to happen to me. I'd hear a guilt-heavy sermon and I'd collapse on the altar, begging God to stop the devil from running roughshod in my life. As I matured, I became aware of something. It wasn't the devil I was fighting. I was fighting ignorance. I was fighting the cry for attention due to neglect. I was fighting low self-esteem. My love tank was fractured and the things I did or the people I was attracted to were only evidence of that. Rules and condemnation only beat down further an already messed up concept of self, God and people. There aren't enough academic accolades, makeovers, designer clothes, money or career successes to fix you up when you are bleeding out.
This is a great segway into Love. Elizabeth Gilbert had given up on Love. She felt it was for somebody else. She didn't realize that in finding herself, she was finding Love. In reconnecting with pleasure, she was attracting intimacy. The real kind. Not the obligatory kind. Not the at-least-he-don't-beat me kind. Not the politically correct kind. Not the BORING kind. Can I say that again? Not the BORING kind where roles and ought's and should's undermine the connection. I don't care if when he gets up the Heavens part and a dove comes down and perches on his head, if he's not a loving, approachable, accessible, vulnerable, mindful, open and willing spirit, "til death us do part" is a prison life sentence.
I can't say I gave up on Love. I can say it was painful to want it but not know how to attract it. That made me not want to think about it. At night, however, when my soul would weep, I heard my inner self say, "this cannot be your Legacy. You cannot leave this Earthly realm having not known what it feels like. You just can't." Yes, God loves me and I was SO glad. Nevertheless, my heart found no consolation.
Like Elizabeth, while doing soul work, Love slipped up on me. And like her, I ran away from it for a time confused and scared. It's one thing to pray for, yearn for, wish for something. It's another thing when it actually shows up. I think that sends you into a kind of shock. But I'm grateful that Love never fails. Somehow, it all comes together. Every mistrusting part of you will come to the surface, but there's something in the interaction that finds a way to attend to it. That's when healing happens.
So when Elizabeth gushed about being in Love, I understood the sparkle, the broad smile and the Light in her face. Go head, soul Sister. You don't know my face, but you know my spirit.
Friday, November 16, 2012
It's Coming Together
It is true. When you stand in your authentic light, what's for you is drawn to you. I have experienced that this week. While happily posting blogs, to Pinterest, to Storylane and even a comment or two on Facebook (okay, maybe 3 or 4, but who's counting!), I am walking into people who are on the same life path. It's not just that we're nodding politely as we pass each other, but I'm finding that they have a piece that will help complete my life picture.
In an earlier post, I wrote something along the lines of Bathroom Confessions. I tried to give it a title that was clever and provocative. The cliff note version is I ran into a natural sister and author I had met some time ago but didn't recognize. That's strange for me because I forget names all the time, but faces? I rarely forget a face. Well, long story short, our polite chat revealed a similar path and belief about what we were destined to do. She suggested that I meet someone who could help me increase the profitability of my businesses. Well, yesterday we had a telephone conversation.
You know those kinds of conversations that (1) feel like you've been knowing the person forever and (2) feel like it's not a coincidental occurrence--there is some purpose in it? I felt all that and more as I talked with Katrina M. Harrell. She's an author, an entrepreneur and coaches others to make their businesses more profitable. As we talked about my dream of having my own coaching business, she talked about transitioning from pro bono to attracting clients who will not only seek me for my help but will gladly pay my fee. I've been praying about how to build a lucrative practice and what she said resonated with me.
Then today, I had a telephone meeting with Dr. Towanna from Black Life Coaches. If my recollection is correct, I was on LinkedIn responding to someone wanting to connect with me when I saw this group. Up to this point, I had not seen any group that specifically focused on helping African American coaches become all they can be. This group does. It provides a space to learn, grow and thrive. During my interactions, I found she and her support staff to be very thorough, very professional and it was as if she had a bug in my head because she said everything that I had thought, felt or dreamed about doing with my coaching business. Their specialization is optimization, using the internet as a tool. They have a hands-on approach though: suggesting ways of improving your website, how to use articles to perk the interest of potential clients, even helping you to land television and radio spots if that's your thing.
It feels like they are on either side of me, each holding something valuable to the next phase of my journey. Profitability, that's what's next. And yes, I'm talking about money. Being able to make money doing what you love, to me, is the greatest gift next to having good health. I want to be able to say to God, I took every talent, skill, gift you gave me and I multiplied it. Where there was no way, I used my voice, I prayed forward, I used what you gave me to create one.
Well, it's time to end another workweek and get my weekend in full swing. As I cut off the lights in my office and join the other cars on a hopefully not-so-crowded Highway 40, I feel things falling into place. My picture is becoming more complete as the right pieces come together.
You know those kinds of conversations that (1) feel like you've been knowing the person forever and (2) feel like it's not a coincidental occurrence--there is some purpose in it? I felt all that and more as I talked with Katrina M. Harrell. She's an author, an entrepreneur and coaches others to make their businesses more profitable. As we talked about my dream of having my own coaching business, she talked about transitioning from pro bono to attracting clients who will not only seek me for my help but will gladly pay my fee. I've been praying about how to build a lucrative practice and what she said resonated with me.
CLICK! A piece of the puzzle just moved into place.
Then today, I had a telephone meeting with Dr. Towanna from Black Life Coaches. If my recollection is correct, I was on LinkedIn responding to someone wanting to connect with me when I saw this group. Up to this point, I had not seen any group that specifically focused on helping African American coaches become all they can be. This group does. It provides a space to learn, grow and thrive. During my interactions, I found she and her support staff to be very thorough, very professional and it was as if she had a bug in my head because she said everything that I had thought, felt or dreamed about doing with my coaching business. Their specialization is optimization, using the internet as a tool. They have a hands-on approach though: suggesting ways of improving your website, how to use articles to perk the interest of potential clients, even helping you to land television and radio spots if that's your thing.
CLICK! Another piece of the puzzle just clicked into position.
It feels like they are on either side of me, each holding something valuable to the next phase of my journey. Profitability, that's what's next. And yes, I'm talking about money. Being able to make money doing what you love, to me, is the greatest gift next to having good health. I want to be able to say to God, I took every talent, skill, gift you gave me and I multiplied it. Where there was no way, I used my voice, I prayed forward, I used what you gave me to create one.
Well, it's time to end another workweek and get my weekend in full swing. As I cut off the lights in my office and join the other cars on a hopefully not-so-crowded Highway 40, I feel things falling into place. My picture is becoming more complete as the right pieces come together.
Saturday, November 10, 2012
Listen, Your Destiny is Calling
You have a good life: a good job, a comfortable home, and you might even have the man or woman of your dreams. All is well, right? Right! So why the unrest? Why is there this sigh inside of you that goes unnoticed? Why is there this so-so feeling that you cover up when you interact with others or when people talk about how "good" you've got it? Makes you feel bad. Makes you feel ungrateful. Yet, it remains. You can volunteer to help the blind, the deaf, the blind and deaf, but it still remains. You can go to church, have a Hallelujah good time but when the smoke clears, it's still there. You can lay in the arms of your beloved but when he or she rolls over and goes to sleep, it whispers to you. It's that deep breath in followed by a silent sigh of unfulfillment. I have good news. You're not ungrateful. Lest you should spend dollars on a therapist's couch needlessly, neither are you depressed. None of that. Your destiny is simply calling.
Inside the human spirit, I believe there is some Divine DNA. Along with surviving circumstances that would have killed someone else or a heart that forgives the most heinous of unforgiveable acts, there is some spiritual coding inside that sends out an energy pulse when it's time to make a change or you've somehow found yourself at the wrong place, the wrong time or with the wrong person. On the surface, everything looks good. You might have the most understanding and affirming boss ever, make more money than you've ever made, gotten awards and accolades for your contribution, have a strong family life, have all the symbols of success but if you are encoded with something deeper, you will not be happy unless or until unearth the treasure.
How I wish destiny would give you some advance warning. You could make some adjustments. You could negotiate the timing of things with the mortgage payment, the kids' needs, your husband or wife's temperament and timetable. Unfortunately, your calling doesn't work that way. I've found it to be quite rude. It disrupts your sleep whenever it gets ready and says, "it's time to wake up NOW." I marvel that those little stirrings throughout my life meant something. I just didn't know it. Me, I dismissed it as simply something I enjoyed or had an inclination towards but never took it really, really seriously. It was a hobby that I might fit in whenever I had the time. Or a temporary fill-in between jobs. But when it came to making a living and taking care of my family, I put it aside for a "real job."
When contemplating destiny and purpose, Oprah's response rings most true. She says, "The work of your life is to discover your purpose and get on with the business of living it out." That, my friend, is your spiritual quest. You have to find out why the house, the car, the children, the job, the man, the life you have built is not enough. In your unrest, there is a nugget of wisdom yet to be uncovered. It signals you that something is off course and you need to get busy figuring out what it is.
Ignoring, rationalizing, explaining, reframing or even beating yourself up - all, wasted uses of your time--must cease. Listen, simply listen. Listen to that unrest inside of you. Pay attention. Some folks can do that on their own. Others need a supportive influence--a midwife, if you will--to help coach them through the birthing process to that point of illumination. I have been blessed to be that supportive influence. I have also been blessed to have someone support me.
This has brought me into great company! They have been veiled in a femaleness and their skin color is of a brown hue, yet no less great servants to this world. One has found her sense of purpose and joy in motivational speaking. Another has found a sense of calling in advocacy. This is not the end of their calling but they are awakening to the fact that what they feel is not just a passing phase. It's more important. It's how they were created to serve the world. Like me, they have been challenged by three things: One, feeling that family and friends don't get it. They don't fit anymore. Probably never did. Two, feeling like in order to get along with others they have to pull back or dim their light. And last but certainly not least, one word - fear.
We seem selfless. We seem giving. But if the truth be told, we are afraid. We doubt ourselves and the strength of our calling. This makes it much easier to push somebody else's dream. We have all be confronted with that. We have all asked ourselves why. To this, I have some wisdom I've gained. There is Bible story of ten lepers who asked Jesus to heal them. Though there are accounts of Jesus laying hands or speaking to maladies and folks being healed immediately, such was not the experience of these guys. He instructed them to go and show themselves to the priest. Somewhere along the way, they noticed that their diseased limbs were whole. Sometimes you get what you need as you go. Persistence pays off. The longer I keep working toward my goal, the more my confidence increases.
I say to you, using the words of Marianne Williamson. "Your playing small does not serve the world." God gave you the talents, the gifts, the skills and the desire for something greater in your life. It is His Divine DNA, a reflection of His Image, inside of you. To deny it is to deny Him. It's that simple. So part of my coaching is assisting clients with working through that unfinished small thinking. Doesn't mean that you eliminate family and friends out of your life. Quite the contrary. Broaden your space. Add some more chairs. There is room for them in your life. What you have to do however is not give them a front row seat. Save those seats for like-minded individuals. Save those seats for your cheering section. Save those seats for people who support your vision.
I've observed two kinds of success stories: people who are snarky and those who are grateful. The former give credit to no one but themselves. They pulled themselves up by their own bootstraps. "Nobody helped me," they say as they look down their noses. To me, these are the people who "gained the whole world and lost their souls." They are ungrateful, cynical, detached creatures. There is no empathy or regard for their fellow man. On the other side, you have those who give credit to the angels who supported them along the way. Rather than focus on who didn't help them, they talk about the kind stranger who let them sleep on the sofa when they fell on hard times. They speak kindly and reverently of the surrogate family who believed in them against all odds. They give honor to their faith whether it's God, some other spiritual teacher, or in the kindness of others. These folks reach their destined end with a gratitude, a joy, a grace. What determines which success story you will tell? I believe it's release.
You release those who won't, don't or can't support where you are going. You release the husband or the wife who found they could no longer honor their marriage vows because of your emergence. You release family members who were critical of your dream, disavowed your worth or accused you of abandoning your roots. You release the difficulty of your journey. But most of all, you release yourself. You release yourself from having to prove you are good enough. You stop doing penance for a crime you didn't commit or a sentence you didn't deserve. You surround yourself with people who accept you as you. This way, when you attend family functions or go out with your friends, you don't expect stuff out of them that they simply cannot give you. Sidebar: if they make an offhanded remark or you sense a growing cynicism, relegate them in the nosebleed section.
Friday, November 9, 2012
The Day After Vacation
It's the day after a week-long vacation to The Bahamas with the man I love and I feel little-to-no motivation to do a darn thing. I've commented on posts to Facebook, uploaded pictures from the vacation, contributed to Pinterest and to Story Lane. I have little energy for anything else though. I've not unpacked a single bag. I've not made up my bed. I've not left this house all day long.
The cruise was great! So many moments. So much love. So much to do and to experience. Seminars, spa treatments, food, games, swimming pool, hot tub, more food. Music, dancing, shopping, food. Lots of activity until the wee hours. Excursions both by land and by sea. I enjoyed participating in ship activities with my boyfriend, true; but after a while, I understood something. We are explorers and tend to be more self-directed. We are twin souls when it comes to that. The second thing is that we both need individual time: him going his way, me going mine. I'm grateful that we didn't have to have a deep discussion about it, we just sensed it and flowed with it. Easy as breathing. I lingered in the bed and he got his day started. We met up vicariously and it felt so romantic.
We're back home now. And it's good to be home. It feels comfy and cozy. I'm not tired. Not depressed. Well, not physically that is. I do miss my boyfriend. I feel like we bonded more deeply this trip. This morning, I could feel it. There was a vulnerability to us both that was deeper than it was before. We hated to part.
So today, I don't have too much to say. Just texting, writing here and there and commenting on Facebook, that's about all. I needed this day to transition back into my life at my own pace. I'll plug back into things and people more fully after a while. Until then, I give myself permission to just be.
The cruise was great! So many moments. So much love. So much to do and to experience. Seminars, spa treatments, food, games, swimming pool, hot tub, more food. Music, dancing, shopping, food. Lots of activity until the wee hours. Excursions both by land and by sea. I enjoyed participating in ship activities with my boyfriend, true; but after a while, I understood something. We are explorers and tend to be more self-directed. We are twin souls when it comes to that. The second thing is that we both need individual time: him going his way, me going mine. I'm grateful that we didn't have to have a deep discussion about it, we just sensed it and flowed with it. Easy as breathing. I lingered in the bed and he got his day started. We met up vicariously and it felt so romantic.
We're back home now. And it's good to be home. It feels comfy and cozy. I'm not tired. Not depressed. Well, not physically that is. I do miss my boyfriend. I feel like we bonded more deeply this trip. This morning, I could feel it. There was a vulnerability to us both that was deeper than it was before. We hated to part.
So today, I don't have too much to say. Just texting, writing here and there and commenting on Facebook, that's about all. I needed this day to transition back into my life at my own pace. I'll plug back into things and people more fully after a while. Until then, I give myself permission to just be.
Friday, October 26, 2012
Domestic Violence: For Better Or For Worst?
While listening to The Michael Baisden Show on the radio, I heard a discussion between Michael and Dr. Robin L. Smith, author of 
Lies At The Altar: The Truth About Great Marriages. The topic was domestic abuse. Michael was curious why women stay in abusive marriages, especially women of faith. Dr. Robin talked about the embarrassment surrounding abuse but also zeroed in on a common fallacy: the belief that domestic violence comes under the for better or for worse of her marriage vows...(click here to read the entire article)
Lies At The Altar: The Truth About Great Marriages. The topic was domestic abuse. Michael was curious why women stay in abusive marriages, especially women of faith. Dr. Robin talked about the embarrassment surrounding abuse but also zeroed in on a common fallacy: the belief that domestic violence comes under the for better or for worse of her marriage vows...(click here to read the entire article)
Sunday, October 14, 2012
Compassion
"Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?" (Luke 10:36)
Who is our neighbor? As a child, my understanding of a neighbor was someone who lived in my community. With maturity has come an awareness that my neighbor is whomever I come in contact with.
Take the story of The Good Samaritan. Today, I heard it more deeply than ever before. The face of the homeless man I've had the privilege of exchanging kind words with came to mind. I'll be the first to admit that there was a time when I'd purposefully fiddle with my radio or act as if I was on a phone call when I drove by someone with an "I'm homeless" sign. Nothing like life to check you on your arrogance! During the time I was unemployed or underemployed, I relied on the kindness of others. Had I not had it, my plight could have been so different. How much more am I responsible to pay it forward.
I'll tell you what meant most to me. I was feeling such internal pressure to let people know that my resolve to do something meaningful with my life wasn't born of irresponsibility or arrogance. I wasn't in need of a pep talk or a "girl you need to find a job talk," though I was always paranoid that this is what people would feel if I didn't find a job soon. My sister didn't only stay present but gave money freely. She'd tell me that she was going to deposit X or Y amount of money into my account. When thanked profusely, she responded simply, "I know your character." I will NEVER forget that. She'll never know how healing that was for me. She didn't need a blow-by-blow of what I was doing with the money or how many resumes I had sent out. She never even asked. She involved herself in helping me get to the next level.
Take the story of The Good Samaritan. Today, I heard it more deeply than ever before. The face of the homeless man I've had the privilege of exchanging kind words with came to mind. I'll be the first to admit that there was a time when I'd purposefully fiddle with my radio or act as if I was on a phone call when I drove by someone with an "I'm homeless" sign. Nothing like life to check you on your arrogance! During the time I was unemployed or underemployed, I relied on the kindness of others. Had I not had it, my plight could have been so different. How much more am I responsible to pay it forward.
I'll tell you what meant most to me. I was feeling such internal pressure to let people know that my resolve to do something meaningful with my life wasn't born of irresponsibility or arrogance. I wasn't in need of a pep talk or a "girl you need to find a job talk," though I was always paranoid that this is what people would feel if I didn't find a job soon. My sister didn't only stay present but gave money freely. She'd tell me that she was going to deposit X or Y amount of money into my account. When thanked profusely, she responded simply, "I know your character." I will NEVER forget that. She'll never know how healing that was for me. She didn't need a blow-by-blow of what I was doing with the money or how many resumes I had sent out. She never even asked. She involved herself in helping me get to the next level.
To be Christian is to be Christ-like. To follow the teachings and the spirit modeled by Jesus. He said that the man who fell among thieves, who was robbed, beaten and left half dead is our neighbor. For too long, we've been like the robbers, seeing other people merely as objects. We've imposed our will on others and if they failed to meet our expectations, we've retaliated by insulting them or walking out on them. For many single women, we feel like men owe us. We have reduced them to fulfilling some fantasy that we've somehow convinced ourselves is a standard when in truth it is a wounded ego working itself out on another person.
And then there is the priest. The one who in Biblical times was responsible to offer up sacrifices on behalf of the people. He was the one who went to God on our behalf. How could a priest see him from a distance and decide to cross to the other side? As the pastor said today, "It's because he saw the man as an obstacle."
Lastly, there was the Levite. The Levites served the priests and were sometimes priests themselves. They were very active in the Tabernacle and in Temple services. They were the singers, the musicians for Temple Services. They often maintained the Temple itself. They served as teachers and judges on different occasions. Doesn't that sound like the modern day church member? Consequently, the Levite walked over to take inventory of the situation. He saw the man's condition. Still, he walked to the other side.
Surprisingly, a Samaritan, the reject of the day was the only one who had compassion on the man. Samaritans were regarded as second class, mixed breeds, Gentiles. They were outcasts from the religious community and the Jews of that day looked down on them. Who would have thought that this man would tend to the man's wounds and pay someone to attend to the man's needs for as long as it took.
I'm not suggesting that we risk our own safety. There are some people and situations that it would be unwise to approach. I am more concerned about the condition of our hearts. We pass people every day. In our churches, in our communities, on the street are neighbors whom we ignore. Our neighbors are friends that we know are going through tough times and somehow we convince ourselves that being a listening ear is enough.
True compassion is active. True compassion gets involved. True compassion can't see a brother in need and "shut up their bowels of compassion."
Nobody demonstrated this like one of my college friends whom I had not seen in several years. When I posted a "help me" message on Facebook, she sent me a private message. The compassion I experienced was beyond what I had come to expect. She called to check on me, brought me food, listened as I cried and did it without getting tired. She encouraged me to be true to myself. Such a big heart. The irony was she was unemployed and dealing with medical challenges herself.
Today's message at church was a reminder that getting a job was not what this detour in my journey has been about. God could have given me a job at anytime. This season wasn't about that. It was about my purpose. It was about a wake up call. I experienced a new depth of compassion and acknowledgment. Someone stood with me against all odds. Likewise, part of my call is to stand with others. To have a ready heart to step to the plate when God reveals him or her. Circumstances do not determine the value of a person no more than their skin color does. Herein lies compassion: seeing another as an extension of yourself. The Samaritan didn't see an object as the robber did or an obstacle as the church leader and church worker did. We can easily pass by people if we don't see a connection between them and ourselves. The Samaritan saw himself. He was loving his neighbor as himself.
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Profitability
To my blog followers and those who visit incognito, I'm still here! I can't believe it's been a little over a month since I last blogged. It's like life fired a gun and I've been running ever since.
I've continued to live up to my new mantra: my playing small does not serve the world. So, I've been doing all I am gifted to do. When we last spoke, I had just launched my new website: suzetterhinton.com. Since that time, I've done some tweaking. More than two people advised me to establish a unique presence for all my businesses rather than having my one site. I took this to heart and can proudly introduce three additions to my portfolio:
Purposeful Connections is my coaching site. Since launching the site, I have partnered with a woman who knows what her calling is, but heretofore allowed distractions to hinder her progress. So many of us can identify with that, including myself. Life happens--this is true--but for those of us who feel the restlessness of that something-more on the inside, there is no rest. Our dream, our calling, our longing for something meaningful keeps us up at night and interlopes on whatever else competes for our attention. It's our reason for being. I'm so glad that God won't allow us to slumber without shaking us from time to time.
Not only am I helping her but she's helping me. She's putting a demand on my calling. When I coach her, I feel the energy that goes beyond education, experience or skill. I feel the energy of my calling and the wisdom that comes up and out and blesses her growth. There's nothing like it!
Odyssey Administrative Services is my virtual administrative and bookkeeping business. It allows the business-minded me to be expressed. That part of me that is gifted as well as trained to problem solve, create solutions to administrative problems, partner with home-based and small businesses to handle the paperwork that oftentimes gets pushed aside. When she was in the third grade and her mother passed, my mom took care of her brother and sister. She took her meager earnings and managed to feed them and clothe them. She wasn't taught this through education. God gave her the wisdom to work with money. That gift fell to me as well.
Despite my recent efforts to move away from it, bookkeeping always makes room for me. I now realize that is a gift. A gift that has often been drained rather than inspired. I further understand it wasn't that I didn't like bookkeeping or doing administrative clerical work for that matter. It was simply that I wanted to do it my way. I needed the room to flow in that gift without being overburdened and undervalued. I am now working with a company in RTP. Though I enjoy the atmosphere, the job and the people, I sense there is a strategy at work. My Wise Self sees it as an opportunity, a pathway to my ultimate goal of working for myself.
Like Tiger Woods' father put a golf club in his hand and the Williams' sisters father put a tennis racket in theirs, my mom and dad put playing the piano in ours. My mom and dad recognized our talent early on but my mom was instrumental in landing my first job: playing for the Junior Choir at my church. Prior to my taking the job, my elder sister had been the pianist. "For three years, they've paid your sister $4," she said. "It's time for that to go up." Despite opposition, my mom stood her ground. She withstood times when the preacher brought it up in his sermon. You know, those times when everybody knows it's you that the preacher is talking about. I chuckle when I think of it. My mom kept a smile on her face and an "I shall not be moved" in her heart. This was a guiding principle that served as a foundation for what would later be Odyssey Music Consultants.
To some, this was an atrocity. How dare she require the church to pay me for a "gift" that I should use freely! I heard it time and time again. When I'd return home from an event and I had not been paid, my mom would get on the telephone and find out what happened. Though she was criticized, I realized something. My mom held people accountable to their word. If they said they were going to do it, she expected them to do so. If they did not, she wouldn't permit me to play for them until they settled up. What a gift to give to me, to all her children. For this taught me to respect my talent and to require others to respect it too.
When I consider Matthew 25: 14-30, emphasis on verse 27, it challenges this notion that people should use their talents all willy-nilly. The servant who buried his talent and only gave his master the exact thing he had been given was reprimanded and called slothful. The Bible likens the Kingdom of Heaven to this for the master didn't just want his servants to acknowledge their talents but to produce something greater, richer, better. The Bible calls it profitable. My mom, in essence, taught us not to be slothful. Profitability is often mentioned in the New Testament yet the church world of my younger days seemed to frown on it when it came to "working for the Lord."
Nevertheless, Odyssey Music Consultants is my bedrock of profitability. From 10 years old to now, my gift has made room for me and yes, I have made money with it. I believe in my heart that God is pleased every time He checks my account. He knows what he entrusted to my care and applauds what I am doing with it.
So I say this: Whatever you have been gifted to do or trained to do, maximize it. Like me, you can turn what you love to do into a business. In the words of the Bible, make it profitable. This let's God know that he can trust us with more. This, my friends, is a Kingdom principle.
I've continued to live up to my new mantra: my playing small does not serve the world. So, I've been doing all I am gifted to do. When we last spoke, I had just launched my new website: suzetterhinton.com. Since that time, I've done some tweaking. More than two people advised me to establish a unique presence for all my businesses rather than having my one site. I took this to heart and can proudly introduce three additions to my portfolio:
 |
| purposeful-connections.com |
Not only am I helping her but she's helping me. She's putting a demand on my calling. When I coach her, I feel the energy that goes beyond education, experience or skill. I feel the energy of my calling and the wisdom that comes up and out and blesses her growth. There's nothing like it!
 |
| odysseyadministrativeservices.com |
Despite my recent efforts to move away from it, bookkeeping always makes room for me. I now realize that is a gift. A gift that has often been drained rather than inspired. I further understand it wasn't that I didn't like bookkeeping or doing administrative clerical work for that matter. It was simply that I wanted to do it my way. I needed the room to flow in that gift without being overburdened and undervalued. I am now working with a company in RTP. Though I enjoy the atmosphere, the job and the people, I sense there is a strategy at work. My Wise Self sees it as an opportunity, a pathway to my ultimate goal of working for myself.
 |
| odysseymusicconsultants.com |
To some, this was an atrocity. How dare she require the church to pay me for a "gift" that I should use freely! I heard it time and time again. When I'd return home from an event and I had not been paid, my mom would get on the telephone and find out what happened. Though she was criticized, I realized something. My mom held people accountable to their word. If they said they were going to do it, she expected them to do so. If they did not, she wouldn't permit me to play for them until they settled up. What a gift to give to me, to all her children. For this taught me to respect my talent and to require others to respect it too.
When I consider Matthew 25: 14-30, emphasis on verse 27, it challenges this notion that people should use their talents all willy-nilly. The servant who buried his talent and only gave his master the exact thing he had been given was reprimanded and called slothful. The Bible likens the Kingdom of Heaven to this for the master didn't just want his servants to acknowledge their talents but to produce something greater, richer, better. The Bible calls it profitable. My mom, in essence, taught us not to be slothful. Profitability is often mentioned in the New Testament yet the church world of my younger days seemed to frown on it when it came to "working for the Lord."
Nevertheless, Odyssey Music Consultants is my bedrock of profitability. From 10 years old to now, my gift has made room for me and yes, I have made money with it. I believe in my heart that God is pleased every time He checks my account. He knows what he entrusted to my care and applauds what I am doing with it.
So I say this: Whatever you have been gifted to do or trained to do, maximize it. Like me, you can turn what you love to do into a business. In the words of the Bible, make it profitable. This let's God know that he can trust us with more. This, my friends, is a Kingdom principle.
Monday, September 3, 2012
Making Room for My New Life
I just finished eating oatmeal from McDonald'st and decided to take a
moment to blog. Have you ever been in a
fierce cleaning mode and had a lightbulb moment? Well, that's what happened. I dunno when the thought hit my brain but
somehow in between hanging the pictures on the wall and getting rid of that unsightly ring around my toilet bowl there was an enlightened thought, There’s nothing greater than
getting up every single day of your life doing what you love to do.
I know it seems weird that I'd have that thought while cleaning the toilet. Nothing could have been further from that truth at that moment. Cleaning toilets is not my thing.
Until today, my house has looked like a cyclone hit it. Except for downstairs that I keep pretty okay with only a few dishes in the kitchen sink, the upstairs was a mess. There were papers still on the floor from Summer Camp for Women, clothes heaped on the dryer waiting to be folded and put away, a ring in my bathroom sink and dirty shower stall, clothes laying around in my closet and a bed I hadn't made for a week. I'm not usually this junky. Ever since I got the aha to launch my businesses, I've been all abuzz building websites, creating brochures, printing business cards, blind to the growing messiness. I could make that the blame for the condition of my house but it wouldn't be completely true. My house has been neglected for a while now. With fresh eyes, I am seeing just how badly I've allowed it to get.
I hear the voice of Purpose. “Let’s make room for your new life," it's saying. "Your home should be a reflection of who you are." Such a huge parallel to my life. I know from experience that if I don't manage my time and what I focus on, I will drift back into an undisciplined and overwhelmed state just like my house.
I can't afford to allow this to go on. Order is the word of the day. With now working two part-time jobs and growing my businesses, I've got to be on top of my game. So, let me get up from here. No more clutter!
Thursday, August 30, 2012
I've been sooooo busy. This week, I started my new part-time job. Who else but God would have both part-time jobs within 5 minutes of each other. Really. They're that close! Add to that, both employers are flexible. The hours are complementary. This thing is strategically mastered down to the smallest detail. God is such a Strategist. Along with Alpha, Omega, the beginning and the end, I have to insert Strategist. Both jobs are transitioning in such a way that I'll be able to learn one without being overwhelmed with the other. Only God could plan this thing so masterfully.
I've heard it said, "if you take care of God's business, He'll take care of your's." Of course, it's always been used when it comes to Church Membership Etiquette 101. Certainly, if you are going to be a member of anything, you need to be a good member. Notwithstanding, I've found out that your Purpose is God's business. He put that purpose down inside of you to serve the world. It is his thumbprint on your existence. It validates why you are here. So, it's not honorable to put someone else's purpose above your own as if God has a fragmented view of what he calls good. I see it often in church. The preacher tells you that God blesses you for supporting His Vision. I believe that' has merit. But I don't believe God would bless your neglecting the vision He's placed in you in order to do it.
I won't belabor that. It's not truly my point anyway. I'm just seeing a Greater, Wiser Energy directing my Life. The more I set aside time to honor the dream He's placed in my heart, the more I look around and see my environment changing accordingly.
It's so much fun! I didn't expect fun when building my businesses, but I am thoroughly enjoying every part of it. From the creative to the interpersonal to the marketing to the sitting down with clients, I am relishing every part of it. I now see it is key to my fulfillment and joy. For that reason, I have to protect it and make decisions that make room for it. Now that I respect it, the Universe is respecting it too. How cool!
I've heard it said, "if you take care of God's business, He'll take care of your's." Of course, it's always been used when it comes to Church Membership Etiquette 101. Certainly, if you are going to be a member of anything, you need to be a good member. Notwithstanding, I've found out that your Purpose is God's business. He put that purpose down inside of you to serve the world. It is his thumbprint on your existence. It validates why you are here. So, it's not honorable to put someone else's purpose above your own as if God has a fragmented view of what he calls good. I see it often in church. The preacher tells you that God blesses you for supporting His Vision. I believe that' has merit. But I don't believe God would bless your neglecting the vision He's placed in you in order to do it.
I won't belabor that. It's not truly my point anyway. I'm just seeing a Greater, Wiser Energy directing my Life. The more I set aside time to honor the dream He's placed in my heart, the more I look around and see my environment changing accordingly.
It's so much fun! I didn't expect fun when building my businesses, but I am thoroughly enjoying every part of it. From the creative to the interpersonal to the marketing to the sitting down with clients, I am relishing every part of it. I now see it is key to my fulfillment and joy. For that reason, I have to protect it and make decisions that make room for it. Now that I respect it, the Universe is respecting it too. How cool!
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Is Your Dream Big Enough?
"If your dream is big enough, the odds don't matter," said Dennis Gaddy as he addressed his audience comprised mainly of formerly incarcerated men and women and prospective volunteers. This caused the hairs on my arm to stand at attention as I rustled anxiously through my pocketbook for something to write with. I had been wrestling with feelings of self-doubt all weekend, praying for some type of confirmation that I was on the right road.
No matter how called, appointed or anointed you are for the task or how purpose-driven or visceral the call, you will be met with opposition. To some of us that is news. We think that if God gave the call that it means our Red Sea will part and all of us will walk to the other side on dry land. We forget that prior the suffering of the Israelites had become more intense. After Moses told Pharoah to "let my people go," Pharoah started acting the fool! Moses was proclaiming the very words I AM told him to say. And even after plagues and disease ravaged Egypt and Pharoah finally said basically, "get the hell out," these happy vindicated souls come up against something that had absolutely nothing to do with Egypt. The sea. As if that isn't enough, Pharoah and his army were in hot pursuit with the intent to annihilate every man, woman, boy and girl. Terror!
Terror, yep, that's the feeling. Despite planning my work and working my plan, terror. Despite meeting with a client excited about utilizing my musical services, terror. Despite the here-here's of my boyfriend and the excitement on the faces of the people at the church who enjoyed my piano playing, I was in a chokehold that I couldn't shake. It would lift for a moment while I played or later sang, but everytime I'd get alone, it would wrap its chilly fingers back around my neck. At these times, what you believe is tested. In these moments, you grasp for your original resolve but just can't get the same feeling. In these moments of aloneness when nobody is spurring you along anymore, you start to question if you really have what it takes.
Those who were once on your team have stopped asking how you are. And if they do, your paranoia tells you they don't really want to know. They want you to say that you have a job. They want you to say that everything's great. They don't want to hear about your suffering. And honestly, you don't want to hear about it either. You feel like detaching from everyone because now, they are more a danger to you than you could ever be to them. Any lack of enthusiasm for your dream is exaggerated. Every sigh, every glazed look, every hesitation heightens our sensitivities. So with all those feelings wrapped around my neck, I decided to go check out Mr. Gaddy and CSI's orientation. Yep, I tend to do the opposite of what I'm feeling.
Mr. Gaddy introduced two previously incarcerated individuals to the group. I can't recall their names. One was of Puerto Rican descent and the other was a devoted Muslim. Their stories were unbelievable! With the crimes they had committed, they should not have been greeting us or even alive to tell us about their experiences--yet there they were. Men who had overcome the odds stacked so high against them that it was likened to the Red Sea that the Israelites faced. Yet, their stories removed every single excuse I or anyone else had for not moving forward.
Paramount for me was the fact that they persevered through opposition. Where most would have sat down and quit or committed a crime to go back to prison, they perservered. I heard a whisper. "Crashing is part of the journey," it said. On the road to success there will be crashes. You'll be going strong and making progress then...wham. These men both were thriving for a while, then due to the economy, had to close down their businesses. They didn't stop though. They kept moving. Going back to prison was not an option for them--they had decided that--so, they had to find a way to make it work.
That's what happens when your dream is big enough. Even if you wanted to give up, the strength of the dream won't let you. Even if you decide to close your mouth, it'll speak to you through people, places, things. Even if you refuse to pursue it during waking hours, it'll haunt you in your dreams. You can't get away from it.
No matter how called, appointed or anointed you are for the task or how purpose-driven or visceral the call, you will be met with opposition. To some of us that is news. We think that if God gave the call that it means our Red Sea will part and all of us will walk to the other side on dry land. We forget that prior the suffering of the Israelites had become more intense. After Moses told Pharoah to "let my people go," Pharoah started acting the fool! Moses was proclaiming the very words I AM told him to say. And even after plagues and disease ravaged Egypt and Pharoah finally said basically, "get the hell out," these happy vindicated souls come up against something that had absolutely nothing to do with Egypt. The sea. As if that isn't enough, Pharoah and his army were in hot pursuit with the intent to annihilate every man, woman, boy and girl. Terror!
Terror, yep, that's the feeling. Despite planning my work and working my plan, terror. Despite meeting with a client excited about utilizing my musical services, terror. Despite the here-here's of my boyfriend and the excitement on the faces of the people at the church who enjoyed my piano playing, I was in a chokehold that I couldn't shake. It would lift for a moment while I played or later sang, but everytime I'd get alone, it would wrap its chilly fingers back around my neck. At these times, what you believe is tested. In these moments, you grasp for your original resolve but just can't get the same feeling. In these moments of aloneness when nobody is spurring you along anymore, you start to question if you really have what it takes.
Those who were once on your team have stopped asking how you are. And if they do, your paranoia tells you they don't really want to know. They want you to say that you have a job. They want you to say that everything's great. They don't want to hear about your suffering. And honestly, you don't want to hear about it either. You feel like detaching from everyone because now, they are more a danger to you than you could ever be to them. Any lack of enthusiasm for your dream is exaggerated. Every sigh, every glazed look, every hesitation heightens our sensitivities. So with all those feelings wrapped around my neck, I decided to go check out Mr. Gaddy and CSI's orientation. Yep, I tend to do the opposite of what I'm feeling.
Mr. Gaddy introduced two previously incarcerated individuals to the group. I can't recall their names. One was of Puerto Rican descent and the other was a devoted Muslim. Their stories were unbelievable! With the crimes they had committed, they should not have been greeting us or even alive to tell us about their experiences--yet there they were. Men who had overcome the odds stacked so high against them that it was likened to the Red Sea that the Israelites faced. Yet, their stories removed every single excuse I or anyone else had for not moving forward.
Paramount for me was the fact that they persevered through opposition. Where most would have sat down and quit or committed a crime to go back to prison, they perservered. I heard a whisper. "Crashing is part of the journey," it said. On the road to success there will be crashes. You'll be going strong and making progress then...wham. These men both were thriving for a while, then due to the economy, had to close down their businesses. They didn't stop though. They kept moving. Going back to prison was not an option for them--they had decided that--so, they had to find a way to make it work.
That's what happens when your dream is big enough. Even if you wanted to give up, the strength of the dream won't let you. Even if you decide to close your mouth, it'll speak to you through people, places, things. Even if you refuse to pursue it during waking hours, it'll haunt you in your dreams. You can't get away from it.
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Difficult Day
I feel so hyped up. You know that kind of hyped that knows you need to take your tired butt to bed but you're just up and fidgety. So here I am typing a blog.
Today was a tough day. It started yesterday and I haven't been able to shake the dry, discouraged feeling. I was so temperamental today until my pork and beans and cole slaw made my bread soggy and I began to cry. You would have thought somebody had beat me, I was crying so hard. In a word? Fatigue!
Surprisingly, I think that having my TV on for the noise has helped. Somehow over these few hours, different successful icons have talked about dark times, trying times or times when they were turned down. It's easy to forget that Michael Jordan got cut from his high school basketball team. It's easy to forget that Michael Baisden had to self publish his books. It's easy to forget that Jennifer Hudson was voted off American Idol. It's easy to forget that Oprah was criticized for her name, her hair, her nose, her name and was ultimately demoted.
This reminds me that regardless to how BIG your dream is or how certain you are of your Purpose, there will be days when you ask what-the-hum. The fight can become so intense that you start to question yourself. "Did I make a mistake," you ask. You wonder if you have what it takes, if you're going in the right direction or if you're waaaaaaay off base. You get tired and frustrated with your current state. Things are getting dire. Some things happen that you just can't figure out.
Jay-Z talks about learning more from failure than success on an encore of Oprah's Master Class. He also talks about difficulty building character. That actually helped me to hear that. All great successes are riddled with failure, missteps, see-nothing days, or underwhelming responses. Everybody talks about those dark times, those hard times, those times of uncertainty, those times when you couldn't pay the Universe to cut you a break.
Nevertheless, what I see that's common among all these successes is consistency. They didn't let one bad situation or misstep discount the validity of what was in their heart. I'm sure there were nights where tears were shed and sobs were muffled in a pillow. Nights where they just stared up at the ceiling wondering how they were going to do this or that. Yet somehow they found a way to show up. I don't think they could help themselves. Might have looked a hot mess and felt even worse than they looked, but they showed up. They reported to work.
Show up, my friend. I know that Life can throw some hard blows or put up a steel wall that can't be scaled. Still, show up. After you have your temper tantrum, pick yourself up and keep moving in the direction of what you know deep down. Cry if you have to, but show up. Crawl if you have to, but show up.
I'm tired. Trust me when I tell you that. The fatigue is as thick as my natural hair. I'm getting tired of being tired. I'm getting tired of feeling hopeful one minute and panicky the next. All I know is I gotta keep moving. I can't help it. In frustration, I tell myself I'm going to close my laptop and I ain't doing another God-blessed thing but then I find myself opening it back up.
Today was a tough day. It started yesterday and I haven't been able to shake the dry, discouraged feeling. I was so temperamental today until my pork and beans and cole slaw made my bread soggy and I began to cry. You would have thought somebody had beat me, I was crying so hard. In a word? Fatigue!
Surprisingly, I think that having my TV on for the noise has helped. Somehow over these few hours, different successful icons have talked about dark times, trying times or times when they were turned down. It's easy to forget that Michael Jordan got cut from his high school basketball team. It's easy to forget that Michael Baisden had to self publish his books. It's easy to forget that Jennifer Hudson was voted off American Idol. It's easy to forget that Oprah was criticized for her name, her hair, her nose, her name and was ultimately demoted.
This reminds me that regardless to how BIG your dream is or how certain you are of your Purpose, there will be days when you ask what-the-hum. The fight can become so intense that you start to question yourself. "Did I make a mistake," you ask. You wonder if you have what it takes, if you're going in the right direction or if you're waaaaaaay off base. You get tired and frustrated with your current state. Things are getting dire. Some things happen that you just can't figure out.
Jay-Z talks about learning more from failure than success on an encore of Oprah's Master Class. He also talks about difficulty building character. That actually helped me to hear that. All great successes are riddled with failure, missteps, see-nothing days, or underwhelming responses. Everybody talks about those dark times, those hard times, those times of uncertainty, those times when you couldn't pay the Universe to cut you a break.
Nevertheless, what I see that's common among all these successes is consistency. They didn't let one bad situation or misstep discount the validity of what was in their heart. I'm sure there were nights where tears were shed and sobs were muffled in a pillow. Nights where they just stared up at the ceiling wondering how they were going to do this or that. Yet somehow they found a way to show up. I don't think they could help themselves. Might have looked a hot mess and felt even worse than they looked, but they showed up. They reported to work.
Show up, my friend. I know that Life can throw some hard blows or put up a steel wall that can't be scaled. Still, show up. After you have your temper tantrum, pick yourself up and keep moving in the direction of what you know deep down. Cry if you have to, but show up. Crawl if you have to, but show up.
I'm tired. Trust me when I tell you that. The fatigue is as thick as my natural hair. I'm getting tired of being tired. I'm getting tired of feeling hopeful one minute and panicky the next. All I know is I gotta keep moving. I can't help it. In frustration, I tell myself I'm going to close my laptop and I ain't doing another God-blessed thing but then I find myself opening it back up.
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