“Good luck,” said this beautiful older woman sitting opposite me in the waiting room. “Thank you,” I said and walked back to the room where I had consented to have a mammogram done. Promised that this one wouldn’t be as traumatizing as the one I had two years ago, I disrobed and allowed the technician to guide me in the procedure. When I came out, this lady whose name I did not get asked me how things went. “I’m not certain,” I answered. “I’m waiting to hear.” “What about you?,” I asked. She told me she had been diagnosed with cancer a year ago. Hair loss and everything, she confided as she rubbed her hands through her now lovely locks. “You’re a survivor,” I said and tears filled my eyes as the truth of that shined in her eyes and locked with my spirit. I heard the grace in her voice as she recounted her journey. She had walked in the Susan G. Komen breast cancer walk. “I can’t explain it,” she said. “When I came across that finish line, I just lifted my arms and jumped up and down.”
Bout that time, the technician motioned for her to come on back. “Time to squeeze,” she said as she walked off. “We aim to please,” the technician said fondly.
I can’t explain it but I felt a deep connection with this lady. Especially when I said “you’re a survivor,” it struck a chord within me. Maybe it’s because I’m a survivor too. Not due to cancer, but no less a survivor.
There’s got to be something recognizable when you have defied the odds. You feel empowered, yes. Like this lady, you cross the finish line with your arms lifted and you jump and rejoice in being alive. Yet when you stop and consider that others didn't make it, there is a profound gratitude and you sit in awe. Like the song says, “my soul look back and wonder, how I got over.”
Last night, my son and I had a conversation. He was experiencing something that he had never experienced quite like that before and he sought my comfort and counsel. I remember sharing my words of wisdom – you know how we mothers do – yet I encouraged him to relax. “You can’t make a wrong decision,” I told him. For at 51 years of age, it is becoming more and more clear the scripture that says, “all things work together for good for them that love the Lord and are the called according to His purpose.” We are here according to His purpose. So a life given over to Him can make no mistakes. Everything is approved. E-ve-ry-thing! Every test. Every trial. Every misstep. Every mishap. Every good relationship. Every bad one. How our parents treated us. How they neglected us. Church hurt. Whatever your every is. EVERYTHING has purpose else I don’t believe God would permit it. He gets no glory out of toying with us. He’s doesn’t have Ego so setting us up then bashing us when we don’t do what his says is not his thing. Else why give us a free will? Else why send Jesus to redeem us if He were to treat us as if we weren’t?
There comes a point in your life when you say, “I have no regrets.” That is, if you really understand that your life is not your own. Your husband cheated? Well, God allowed it. Your child is defiant? God approved for you to go through that. I’m not saying He condoned it or even wanted it as man would. All I am saying is He uses those things to grow us, to mature us, to help us to realize the strength that we have and to empower others. He knows He is God. He knows He is All Powerful and could simply will it and what you are dealing with would be over. He also knows that no matter how dirty you get or how bloody it gets around you, He can clean it up and remove the hold it had as if it never happened. He is God enough to help you, heal you and resurrect you if you die in the fight. He is not in a dilemma about it. So He doesn't have to rush. He knows there is a time and a season for what we’re going through and when that time and season are up, it's over.
I remember feeling so much anxiety when people would tell me, “You need to stop that. You need to get over him. You need to do better.” But I couldn’t help how I felt. If I could have helped myself from being played by some jacked-up man, I would have. I couldn’t help myself. God knew it. And God knew that He could have changed my mind, moved the man to Siberia or intervened at any given moment. He didn’t…..until it was time. It’s not because of who we are or our ability to live perfectly, it’s because of who He is and He…Is… Wise. Doesn’t seem like it sometimes, but He makes no mistakes.
When you are forgiven, you don’t have to apologize anymore. Your debt is paid. You are free. You don't have to walk aorund on eggshells. Like a person being tried and found “not guilty,” he cannot be tried for that same crime again. Now, true, there are consequences but that’s just the way things are. If you plant an apple seed, you have to deal with that apple tree. If you have hurt people, just because you are forgiven by God doesn’t mean those that you hurt will just flock to you with open arms. There is some healing that has to take place. Some restoring. Some consistency on your part that shows you have changed.
Well, I gotta go to work, but here lies the peace. As Oprah says, “when you realize that there is nothing that could have been done to change what happened to you, you can forgive.” I say that when you consider all that has happened to you and you are still here, why allow the past to continue to hold you hostage. You have outlasted whatever happened in your life. Stop crying! You are a survivor. Rejoice in that fact! Throw your arms up and jump up and down as you cross that finish line. Then sit down and with tears of joy, let the grace of that fact fill you with gratitude and love.
