Orrrrrrr, maybe it's me. I am more focused on what I want and need. I make my intentions known from the beginning and ask them what their intentions are. Some talk a good game but don't deliver. Those I thank and send them on their way. Others bring integrity to their intentions by actually showing up. If we click, good. Again, if they aren't as motivated, I thank them and send them on their way.
Certainly, there is anxiety. When it's online dating, I think the anxiety is greater. You don't know what you're gonna get. You don't know if he'll look like his picture. You don't know if he's who he says he is, has a wife, has kids or is an opportunist looking for fresh meat.
I've learned that there are flags if a man is unavailable. He doesn't give you all his phone numbers. He talks like he wants to meet, but something continues to come up. Oh, the one that really gets under my skin is when he doesn't call for several days but then acts as if you've been continuously talking. He doesn't let you know his routine. He isn't accountable. He's full of fluff: compliments, saying what he thinks you want to hear but never fully commiting to anything more. He isn't accessible. He has a laid back, cavalier attitude about what matters to you. That's why it is critical for me that I meet the man soon after the initial introductions. There's something to be said for a man who shows up. Furthermore, if there is no chemistry. If there is no spark, then there's not been an emotional investment and it's easier to walk away.
What also helps the anxiety is talking to more than one man. That way, if you have to check one man off your list, there are still other potential suitors. It keeps me hopeful and moving forward.
There's a man who I met online before I started dating my ex. I was surprised when, after almost a year, he's contacted me. With me wearing my hair natural now, he didn't recognize me. But as we revisited our initial encounter, I think he recognized who I was. Is it a coincidence that we've reconnected? No, I don't think so. I don't believe things happen by chance. But I won't assume either that I know why. As explained to him and others, emailing, texting or talking on the phone is just an introduction. It only becomes real when I meet the person face-to-face and can then see them. I must admit he has been very motivated. He's had a demanding work schedule and he lives about 30-45 minutes away; yet, he's the first to even suggest Facebook as a way for him to become more real to me. He is now more than a collection of profile pictures, he is a person with a family, friends, a career and his own thoughts.
I look forward to seeing him in 3-D. I want to sense his body language and his expressions and reactions that aren't scripted. I want to see how he talks to the waittress and if he rushes to pull out my chair. I want to see if he looks away when I ask him a probing question or if he is confidently open. I want to see if his eyes light up when I walk toward him or if he becomes robotic and distant because I fail to meet his expectation. I want to see if I have his full attention or if his eyes tend to roam whenever a woman walks by. I want to see if he's macho masculine or metro. All those things influence physical attraction. Is he critical or responsive? Somber or humorous? Does he listen to hear or listen to assert himself into any opening? Most of all, do I feel comfortable in his presence? Do I feel like he is genuine or full of it? Those things are yet to be seen.
