Finding what makes you happy, is a whole lot better than finding what makes you rich. I heard Mekhi Phifer’s character on the movie, HONEY, say those words. Then to Honey, he says, “I want to be a part of that.” “Part of what?,” she asks. Leaning in, he answers. “What makes you happy.” What is it about a woman that a man would want (or possibly even need) to make her happy? What is it?
While I was visiting with my mother yesterday, my uncle told her she was doing exactly what God wanted her to be doing. He followed up with more encouragement by telling her that suffering means we are doing something right. If you ain’t suffering then you aren’t livin a Godly life.
I have learned that you can’t change what someone believes. I don’t even get angry anymore. People can’t help how they feel and what they truly believe. If a woman believes that suffering in a relationship is proof of her love and devotion, you can tell her different but she ain't gonna listen to you. My sister friend asked me a very sobering question. Why do we press on with a guy even when we know in our hearts that he isn’t good for us or giving us what we need? Is it because he’s hittin it (good in bed) solid or is it that we are hopeful or what?
I think there is something that we find attractive in a person. He makes us laugh. She hooks up a killer meal. He makes us feel listened to. She didn't fall for our line. He took the lead. She held a brother down during a lean time. Or yes, maybe it was that sexy slap-yo-momma swagger in his approach. The way he kissed us, touched us, begged us and eventually sexed us. There was something about him that set the bar up there. Be real or imagined, this created hope. The hope that he will do it again. The hope we'll feel it again. Sooooooo, we give him opportunity after opportunity to rise to our ideal. Sadly, for some of us, that need for what I call ideal fulfillment can bind us too.
As I reflect on that killer line that Mekhi handed Jessica Alba’s character, Honey, it sparks some self examination. Do I want a man who will make me happy? Is that happiness tied to him meeting an ideal? When I was younger, I wanted the fairy tale ending. Yes I did. I've learned something though. As wonderful as a man is, he is never enough.
You might be the most devoted, faithful, loyal, interesting, adventurous, sexy man God ever created and you still aren't enough. The monsters under my bed and ghosts that haunted me in the dark could not be exorcised by a mere mortal. When the dragons of life reared their ugly heads, taunting me and threatening to destroy everything that I really cared about, a man wasn’t able or available to rescue me. The discontent. The disappointment. The fear. The anxiety. The issues. A tortured soul and distrusting heart ridden with triggers, a lone man could not free. It took a God. Only God could satisfy the longing in my soul. Only God could illuminate me, heal me and liberate me. What He's done for me is enough. So, no, I am not looking for a man to make me happy. Just a man. A man who recognizes himself in me.
