While eating my cereal and pondering my day, I turned on my TV which was on OWN (of course). It was an encore of Oprah's Farewell Event and Stedman was having words. He talked of how, with all her notoriety, she still brings her lunch to work everyday. As Oprah watched with tears in her eyes and threw a kiss his way, to her surprise Stedman introduced the incomparable Aretha Franklin who sang "Amazing Grace." Everyone knew that Aretha had had some major health challenges but stood flat-footed and belted out a rendition with the power and vocal stylings of her younger years.
If you've ever been lost and now you're found, that song stirs such gratitude to the God of all Grace who found you. That, for me, trumped what I had been taught God's only agenda was: sin and hell. For I was in church all my life and even "got saved" on my knees in my parent's bedroom, but I was as lost as lost could be. I knew church. I knew church culture and doctrine. People would even say I grew up in a Christian home. But I didn't know God for I didn't know myself.
I wasn't good enough. I wasn't holy enough. I always came up short. The rules were so tight and God seemed so hard to appease! I tried, God knows I tried. I so wanted to belong. I so wanted to be righteous. Yet, I was constantly tormented and afraid of being doomed to a fiery hell.
All my life, I felt God's presence. It wasn't hokey or mystical, it was a warm, caring presence; but it was often perverted by those around me who made it not holy enough, not spiritual, not compliant with the doctrine that those around me swore by. I prayed, I fasted, I tarried. Shoot, I got saved every Youth Revival but I was still lost. Everytime I'd hear, "if God were to come today, if you're not sure you'd go back with him, you'd better come to this altar," I would think of all that I lacked and how I kept messing up and would shamefaced come to the altar to beg for forgiveness.
So you see, God finding me was the most wonderful, awesome, amazing thing that ever happened in my life. I know it sounds weird given the torment I just described, but He showed me that was my environment but that wasn't Him. That is what people did based on where they were and how they were taught. They were still stuck in legalism, much like the Old Testament accounts; but hadn't really made the heart shift to grace. They read the letter but didn't truly get the spirit of the letter. He knew the good, the bad, the ugly, the eye-rolling, cussin under my breath me and said "you're enough." And if anything needs to be changed, God is God enough to do it. No one else gets a vote, not even the preacher. Not even the church culture. That, my friends was my salvation. He affirmed me as me.
Me, the person who hated going to Sunday School. Me, the person who hated midweek services. Me, the person who preferred to share a family breakfast than hurry to Sunday worship service. Me, the person who couldn't understand how by not paying tithes I was cursed with a curse. Me, the person who called a thing a thing much to the disapproval of those around me. Me, the woman who wasn't created to fit a religious box or to color inside the lines. Me!
So, while many might not be able to get with the person I've become, I know of God's Amazing Grace and I am abiding in a state of grace. I don't have to worry about messing it up. I live there. It's a of place rest. It's a place of foundness. I did everything I could to botch it up, but God accepted me with open arms and a chuckle because He knew I was finally getting it. I was finally getting why Christ came. As a result, I don't live with a sin-conscious, a hell-conscious or a devil-conscious. I live with a grace-conscious. I live with a found-conscious. I am free, unapologetically and hilariously FREE. This, my friends, is what the birth of the Christ Child means to me. He came to give His life so I could have mine. So tomorrow, should the Lord allow me to see it, I will celebrate this Season with more meaning and gratitude than ever before. And if He chooses to come and take me home before then and this is the last thing I write, it is well with my soul. For I was lost but now I'm found. Was blind but now I see.
Monday, December 24, 2012
Friday, December 21, 2012
Business Strategy in Full Effect
Today, I had another session with my Business Coach. I'm so excited that if you struck a match, I would go up in flames!!!! I feel so alive. I feel so inspired. I feel so on the right track for my life. There is nothing like it. Wheee!!!!!!
We focused on my financial prospectus and how much money I'd need to comfortably be in business for myself. I was actually surprised that I didn't need more. One thing I need to know before I fully cut the chord is how much it would cost a woman my age to have individual health, dental and disability insurance. That is major! That will determine whether I can move forward in my projected timeframe or whether I need to push it out a little bit further.
Next thing. Katrina asked me who is my ideal coaching client. Having coached a phenomenal woman, it was easy for me to describe her. I'll call her P.O.W. "This is the type of person you're called to help," she replied. My mouth dropped open because I realized in that moment that I'm called to coach women like me.
Don't misunderstand. I am not suggesting a cookie cutter of me. Not at all. I'm speaking more of their spirit. Their energy. There is a certain dynamic rhythm to us. We are the make-it-happen woman. I know this woman. She is self-directed and has beaten the odds on so many levels. We think outside the box. We deplored boxes!!! We've slayed those dragons that kept us on lock-down. We know how to fight our way out and our way through. We're resourceful. We're resilient. We got that. It's merely the next level of living that we need help with. It's going from fighting for to owning the territory we fought so hard for. This gives another level to my calling. I not only know what I am called to do, but I know who I'm called to help. This way, I don't spend time trying to morph myself or someone else into somebody we're not.
This is sooooo freeing! My homework assignment is to write down P.O.W's attributes and why it is such a joy to coach her. Next will be to put together screening questions that will help me to recognize this person from potential clients. What I see in this is the importance of knowing who you're called to.
My P.O.W. leaves me energized. This is key. There is a sharing of energy that lifes us both. This is so different from how most folks look at those whom they are called to serve. There's the image of the minister who is exhausted after laying hands or the person who is exhausted after a day's work.
Maybe this is why counseling wasn't a good fit. Without a doubt, I was effective. Earlier this year in fact, I visited the agency where I had my first counseling job. We talked about how things were when I was there and how much I was missed. I know they'd welcome me with opened arms. Still, as effective as I was, I got little back to restore me. The addicted population was brutal. The resistance. The denial. The cyclical regurgitation of the same problems, the same victim-mentality, the same story as if they are caught in an endless do-loop left me drained. No matter what skills or insights I offered, few could absorb it. They were so in their own heads that the work it took was too much. The only reason I lasted as long as I did was because I literally took my phone off the hook on weekends. I didn't enlist in anything that was obligatory. Outside of supporting my son through high school, I was too tired for much else. But as the song goes, "it's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life....and I'm feelin GOOD!!!!!"
We focused on my financial prospectus and how much money I'd need to comfortably be in business for myself. I was actually surprised that I didn't need more. One thing I need to know before I fully cut the chord is how much it would cost a woman my age to have individual health, dental and disability insurance. That is major! That will determine whether I can move forward in my projected timeframe or whether I need to push it out a little bit further.
Next thing. Katrina asked me who is my ideal coaching client. Having coached a phenomenal woman, it was easy for me to describe her. I'll call her P.O.W. "This is the type of person you're called to help," she replied. My mouth dropped open because I realized in that moment that I'm called to coach women like me.
Don't misunderstand. I am not suggesting a cookie cutter of me. Not at all. I'm speaking more of their spirit. Their energy. There is a certain dynamic rhythm to us. We are the make-it-happen woman. I know this woman. She is self-directed and has beaten the odds on so many levels. We think outside the box. We deplored boxes!!! We've slayed those dragons that kept us on lock-down. We know how to fight our way out and our way through. We're resourceful. We're resilient. We got that. It's merely the next level of living that we need help with. It's going from fighting for to owning the territory we fought so hard for. This gives another level to my calling. I not only know what I am called to do, but I know who I'm called to help. This way, I don't spend time trying to morph myself or someone else into somebody we're not.
This is sooooo freeing! My homework assignment is to write down P.O.W's attributes and why it is such a joy to coach her. Next will be to put together screening questions that will help me to recognize this person from potential clients. What I see in this is the importance of knowing who you're called to.
My P.O.W. leaves me energized. This is key. There is a sharing of energy that lifes us both. This is so different from how most folks look at those whom they are called to serve. There's the image of the minister who is exhausted after laying hands or the person who is exhausted after a day's work.
Maybe this is why counseling wasn't a good fit. Without a doubt, I was effective. Earlier this year in fact, I visited the agency where I had my first counseling job. We talked about how things were when I was there and how much I was missed. I know they'd welcome me with opened arms. Still, as effective as I was, I got little back to restore me. The addicted population was brutal. The resistance. The denial. The cyclical regurgitation of the same problems, the same victim-mentality, the same story as if they are caught in an endless do-loop left me drained. No matter what skills or insights I offered, few could absorb it. They were so in their own heads that the work it took was too much. The only reason I lasted as long as I did was because I literally took my phone off the hook on weekends. I didn't enlist in anything that was obligatory. Outside of supporting my son through high school, I was too tired for much else. But as the song goes, "it's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life....and I'm feelin GOOD!!!!!"
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Going After My Dreams
As I was driving home from work, I tuned in to Foxy 107 and I heard something that moved me. Michael Baisden was pleading with his listeners to get their hustle on. He told us that it was a shame to have gone all of 2012 without doing anything to change our situation. He warned that if we don't go after our dreams, another year will pass and many of us will find ourselves right where we are now - nowhere.
What I've learned is this. Unless or until your calling shouts from within, you have nothing of substance to spur you on. Sure, you might join this association or become a part of that moneymaking scheme, but you won't stick with it long because it is not authentic. Once I was awakened to the fact that what I needed was already inside of me, I've been on fire. I have a sense of direction and a groundedness such as I have never known before. There is such joy! I'm having a ball!!!
Out of this authentic space, my goals for 2013 are:
What I've learned is this. Unless or until your calling shouts from within, you have nothing of substance to spur you on. Sure, you might join this association or become a part of that moneymaking scheme, but you won't stick with it long because it is not authentic. Once I was awakened to the fact that what I needed was already inside of me, I've been on fire. I have a sense of direction and a groundedness such as I have never known before. There is such joy! I'm having a ball!!!
Out of this authentic space, my goals for 2013 are:
- To work for myself in 6 months or less
- To position my business to reach my target audience, produce products that folks can buy online and to be profitable
- To become more healthy as an individual and grow with my boyfriend into a stronger couple
- To become a better writer and broaden my readership
- To rebuild and sustain my financial future more in line with my current and future needs as an entrepreneur and business owner
- To take 3 mini-excursions and 1 major trip to someplace I've never been
- To seize every opportunity that rings true and walk through every open door God reveals
- To "stand fast in the liberty wherewith Christ has set me free and to not be entangled again with the yolk of bondage"
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Heart-Opening Wisdom
Loneliness during the holidays is not the absence of people, it's distancing your heart from the love it longs for. We objectify that love by putting a man or woman's face on it or hold it hostage to a painful life event but it's a constricted heart space nonetheless. When your heart opens, loneliness fades.
"But it hurts," you might argue. You're right. It does hurt. It's uncomfortable. It feels weird to allow your heart to open. After all, you're scared. So, let me offer some wisdom. Some heart-opening wisdom, how about that.
Come outside your four walls. There is something symbolic about leaving your house or leaving your normal routine. It's coloring outside the lines. It creates an energy that allows new experiences.
Refuse. And I'll say it again, REFUSE unsafe situations. I don't care if it's expected, familiar or you said you would. Put your heart FIRST. I know it might subject you to criticism. I know that. I can almost guarantee that it will. Expect it and put your heart first anyway.
Look for warm folks, warm spirits, warm venues that feel like a warm blanket being pulled up around you. Open in that space. Touch and allow yourself to be touched. See and allow yourself to be seen. Hear and allow yourself to be heard. Breathe and allow others to breathe you. Taste and allow yourself to be tasted. Engage your five senses when discerning warmth or warm blanket moments.
Make a connection and add it to your life. Perhaps you were walking in the park and felt such a rich energy fill you. Take a picture or pick up a leaf, a branch, something that you can take home with you. For my creative folks, you can finesse it and place it somewhere in your home that you can look at and feel that energy again.
Or perhaps you met someone that made you feel so good...so good just being around them. Square your shoulders and invite them in by asking for their phone number or a way to connect with them. Perhaps they are a speaker who talked your language. They made you feel seen and heard. Most of all, they inspired you! They lifted you. If they are too busy for a one-on-one, no matter. Google them, go on their website, immerse yourself in more of that feeling by experiencing them indirectly. Go to another event where they will be speaking or that they are involved in. Purchase their books. Purchase their CD. Bring it home with you.
"So how long do I have to do this?," you might ask. Do it again and again and again until you feel your heart open. Get up and get out...again. Place yourself in safe places only... again. Take a piece of it with you..again. Do it again until you feel your heart heal. Do it again until you feel your heart love.
If you commit to doing these things consciously and consistently, you'll recreate your environment. You'll create a new experience of your life. Loneliness has no choice but to fade. You'll find yourself surrounded with what feeds you and nurtures you so that you can live again. You will stop objectifying people, places or things with mistrust or as the cure for your loneliness. Rather, you'll see your own power to fill yourself. You will trust yourself to apply the salve that will heal what's broken or what's painful or what's isolating instead of looking at something else to do it. You'll create a space for love. A loving heart is a happy heart. A loving heart is a full heart. It's full no matter where you are and it's wise in knowing how to sustain that fullness.
Maybe you're feeling a little shy about starting or simply sense I am a safe place and you'd like to talk to me, I'm ready to listen. Contact me at coachsuzette@purposeful-connections.com. Regardless, know this: you matter!
"But it hurts," you might argue. You're right. It does hurt. It's uncomfortable. It feels weird to allow your heart to open. After all, you're scared. So, let me offer some wisdom. Some heart-opening wisdom, how about that.
Get up and get out
Come outside your four walls. There is something symbolic about leaving your house or leaving your normal routine. It's coloring outside the lines. It creates an energy that allows new experiences.
Safe places only
Refuse. And I'll say it again, REFUSE unsafe situations. I don't care if it's expected, familiar or you said you would. Put your heart FIRST. I know it might subject you to criticism. I know that. I can almost guarantee that it will. Expect it and put your heart first anyway.
Look for warm folks, warm spirits, warm venues that feel like a warm blanket being pulled up around you. Open in that space. Touch and allow yourself to be touched. See and allow yourself to be seen. Hear and allow yourself to be heard. Breathe and allow others to breathe you. Taste and allow yourself to be tasted. Engage your five senses when discerning warmth or warm blanket moments.
Take a piece of it with you
Make a connection and add it to your life. Perhaps you were walking in the park and felt such a rich energy fill you. Take a picture or pick up a leaf, a branch, something that you can take home with you. For my creative folks, you can finesse it and place it somewhere in your home that you can look at and feel that energy again.
Or perhaps you met someone that made you feel so good...so good just being around them. Square your shoulders and invite them in by asking for their phone number or a way to connect with them. Perhaps they are a speaker who talked your language. They made you feel seen and heard. Most of all, they inspired you! They lifted you. If they are too busy for a one-on-one, no matter. Google them, go on their website, immerse yourself in more of that feeling by experiencing them indirectly. Go to another event where they will be speaking or that they are involved in. Purchase their books. Purchase their CD. Bring it home with you.
Recreate your environment
"So how long do I have to do this?," you might ask. Do it again and again and again until you feel your heart open. Get up and get out...again. Place yourself in safe places only... again. Take a piece of it with you..again. Do it again until you feel your heart heal. Do it again until you feel your heart love.
If you commit to doing these things consciously and consistently, you'll recreate your environment. You'll create a new experience of your life. Loneliness has no choice but to fade. You'll find yourself surrounded with what feeds you and nurtures you so that you can live again. You will stop objectifying people, places or things with mistrust or as the cure for your loneliness. Rather, you'll see your own power to fill yourself. You will trust yourself to apply the salve that will heal what's broken or what's painful or what's isolating instead of looking at something else to do it. You'll create a space for love. A loving heart is a happy heart. A loving heart is a full heart. It's full no matter where you are and it's wise in knowing how to sustain that fullness.
Maybe you're feeling a little shy about starting or simply sense I am a safe place and you'd like to talk to me, I'm ready to listen. Contact me at coachsuzette@purposeful-connections.com. Regardless, know this: you matter!
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Supper Club
What a great weekend. My boyfriend and I went to a second supper club at Buku Restaurant. We had never been there before but had passed it while walking around downtown Raleigh. Such a great place. The food was exceptional! Most of all was sharing such a fun evening with our couple friends. What I like is we are a rainbow coalition of out-of-the-box warm people. We embrace diversity and each other.
I know that my doctor says I should wear low heel shoes. And most of the time, I do; but last night was the exception. I felt girlie. Tis the season! I took out my suede burgundy pumps and let it do what it do!!! It felt great to get dressed up and go out on the town.
I think it's important for couples to make time to court. A date night, a surprise kiss, holding hands, and some naughty flirting can go a long way. Add to that, sprucing up. An extra curl in your hair, some blue eyeshadow, a little bronzer on the shoulders can go a long way! I think our partner needs to see the sexy. Doesn't mean plunging necklines or a hemline up to your apple bottoms, but something that accentuates your greatest features and what he loves most. Maybe he loves your eyes. Play them up. Maybe he loves your curves, then wear something that fits you well without looking hoochey. Don't know if it's that I'm almost 53 or that I now have a man but I am very mindful of these things. What woman who loves her man doesn't like to see his eyes light up?
One, get you a good push up bra. You might not be aware of it right now, one day you will wake up to your breasts being halfway to your waist and you'll wonder when they decided to do that. You'll also notice some vertical wrinkles up and down them that gets masked pretty well with some bronzing lotion and again with a nice push up.
Another thing is stretching. It is important to stretch every day or at least every other. It keeps you from getting stiff and walking like Fred Sanford. Trust, if you don't think you're headed there, let me tell you. You'll go to get off your bed and stiffness will have you walking like an old lady. Thank God for stairs. Like Betty White, "I am forgetful." So going up and down the stairs is very helpful. I've also learned that some foot pain is because of shortening muscles down the back of your leg. To step on the stairs and allow your heels to hang downward off the step will stretch that muscle back out. It's also important for hand pain to stretch the muscles in your forearm. One way I do that is extend my arms in front of me and with the other hand, pull my hand back. It stretches your ulnar nerve.
Thirdly, being in love reverses the signs of aging. The joy that fills your heart and the constant smiling is such an energy boost. To be emotionally available for love, one has to allow another person into one's internal experience. That will make you resolve areas that don't get resolved without that type of intimacy. And it is medically proven that a satisfying sex life does wonders for you overall health.
Lastly, the importance of sleep. Right now, I'm up beyond what I should be, but getting at least 8 hours of sleep a night does wonders for energy level and makes you look less tired. As we get older, we are more aware of wrinkles. We don't want to exaggerate the bags under our eyes due to lack of sleep. So, with that, I'm getting ready to go to bed.
Have a great evening!
I know that my doctor says I should wear low heel shoes. And most of the time, I do; but last night was the exception. I felt girlie. Tis the season! I took out my suede burgundy pumps and let it do what it do!!! It felt great to get dressed up and go out on the town.
I think it's important for couples to make time to court. A date night, a surprise kiss, holding hands, and some naughty flirting can go a long way. Add to that, sprucing up. An extra curl in your hair, some blue eyeshadow, a little bronzer on the shoulders can go a long way! I think our partner needs to see the sexy. Doesn't mean plunging necklines or a hemline up to your apple bottoms, but something that accentuates your greatest features and what he loves most. Maybe he loves your eyes. Play them up. Maybe he loves your curves, then wear something that fits you well without looking hoochey. Don't know if it's that I'm almost 53 or that I now have a man but I am very mindful of these things. What woman who loves her man doesn't like to see his eyes light up?
I've learned some things having been in my 50's for 2 years.
One, get you a good push up bra. You might not be aware of it right now, one day you will wake up to your breasts being halfway to your waist and you'll wonder when they decided to do that. You'll also notice some vertical wrinkles up and down them that gets masked pretty well with some bronzing lotion and again with a nice push up.
Another thing is stretching. It is important to stretch every day or at least every other. It keeps you from getting stiff and walking like Fred Sanford. Trust, if you don't think you're headed there, let me tell you. You'll go to get off your bed and stiffness will have you walking like an old lady. Thank God for stairs. Like Betty White, "I am forgetful." So going up and down the stairs is very helpful. I've also learned that some foot pain is because of shortening muscles down the back of your leg. To step on the stairs and allow your heels to hang downward off the step will stretch that muscle back out. It's also important for hand pain to stretch the muscles in your forearm. One way I do that is extend my arms in front of me and with the other hand, pull my hand back. It stretches your ulnar nerve.
Thirdly, being in love reverses the signs of aging. The joy that fills your heart and the constant smiling is such an energy boost. To be emotionally available for love, one has to allow another person into one's internal experience. That will make you resolve areas that don't get resolved without that type of intimacy. And it is medically proven that a satisfying sex life does wonders for you overall health.
Lastly, the importance of sleep. Right now, I'm up beyond what I should be, but getting at least 8 hours of sleep a night does wonders for energy level and makes you look less tired. As we get older, we are more aware of wrinkles. We don't want to exaggerate the bags under our eyes due to lack of sleep. So, with that, I'm getting ready to go to bed.
Have a great evening!
Friday, December 14, 2012
Positioning for My Future
Right out the gate at today's session, she talked with me about what her intentions were for me after immersing herself in all things Suzette: supporting in restructuring, branding and positioning me to work full time for myself. She was talking; I was typing. Her first question was how much do you want to make? The figure I gave her was what I currently live off of. Immediately, she encouraged me to shift my thinking from what I'd make working for somebody else to what's needed to run my own business and have that business be able to pay me without my having to constantly fish for money. "It's got to be able to sustain you and sustain itself," she explained as she doubled that figure.
Another shift in thinking came about when we talked about the cost of my services and how I approach potential clients. The example she gave was of the person shopping for shoes versus a person seeking servicing of their car. Two different mentalities. A person shopping for shoes, unless they have a real thing for name-brand or high end type shoes, will typically look for a bargain. Comparatively, a person seeking to have their car fixed understands that to maintain that car so it will run optimally for a long period of time will cost money. She clarified further, "One sees paying money as a bargain hunter--get what you need as cheap as possible--while the other sees it as an investment in the future." What I want is the latter.
Immediately, my Wise Self tapped me on the shoulder and said, "you want to attract clients like you." I don't haggle. I'm a show up kind of girl. I am guided by where I see myself going and if every fiber of my being says this person is the one to get me there. Pure and simple. When that's the case, I figure if I don't have the money, I will have it by the time I start. If they are my connection to the life I want to have and that life is being motivated by my destiny, then getting the money to pay them is nothing but a thing.
Sunday, December 9, 2012
Handle Your Business Girl (HYBG) Empowerment Zone
On yesterday, I was privileged to carpool with two of my girlfriends to a master coach certification event. It was called Handle Your Business Girl Empowerment Zone Master Coach Certification. First of all, the name grabbed me. Secondly, the words master coach certification sparked my interest in perfecting my craft. I didn't know exactly what was going to happen. All I knew was I had to be there.
Have you ever listened to a speaker and your Wise Self interpret what they say to speak directly to where you are. Unlike most folks, I don't generally take notes. I remember better when I listen and then I write from what rests inside. When I do take notes, I have to feel inspired, really inspired. I felt inspired yesterday. If someone were to read my notes though, they would think, "the speaker didn't say that" or "that is not what she meant." It's because the Interpreter in me let me hear it in my own native tongue.
Afterwards, with my girlfriends, I pondered what truly lies at the core of competition or jealousy among women as this was talked about during the event. I think it stems from feeling like something is lacking--whether it is a lack inside or a lack of resources. I didn't feel any of that. I really didn't. When you believe that what God has given you is enough and He is working behind the scenes to order your steps and to provide what you need, there is nothing to hang these negatives emotions on. There simply isn't. Dr. Gail Hayes, the CEO of HYBG University, shared how she's always been disliked by women. Her belief is they are that way because they don't know who they are. I agree. You've got to be clear about your own identity. The dean, Greer Holmes, helps people to get clear. Not just about who you are but what you have to offer this world. When you admire and love yourself in a healthy, spiritually-mature way, there's no need for comparison. I'd dare say that when you feel that flutter of negativity towards another woman, it's really about you. There's something inside of you that is broken that needs to be healed. And as Dr. Hayes says, that woman you don't like has the key to your next level.
I am self directed and am very comfortable in that. I move when I feel an inner prompting or an inner curiosity. When I feel pushed to do otherwise, I get frustrated. Perhaps that's because I'm a Middle Child. In many arenas where there is a powerful and confident woman, we tend to admire them, want to follow them and/or envy them. I admire Dr. Hayes and the beautiful, insightful, talented women who comprise her Master Coaching Team.
What I got out of the event was confirmation, inspiration and collaboration. I knew that I was in the right place at the right time. It felt authentic. It felt right. I got so many confirmations from people just sharing and talking and encouraging. These women didn't know they were seconding what my heart had already told me. Lastly, I added more names to my sister circle. More people to collaborate with and perfect my vision and my direction. It wasn't just about seeking friends or networking for me. It was about connecting with whomever God had prepared for me to meet. I leave the rest to Him.
Afterwards, with my girlfriends, I pondered what truly lies at the core of competition or jealousy among women as this was talked about during the event. I think it stems from feeling like something is lacking--whether it is a lack inside or a lack of resources. I didn't feel any of that. I really didn't. When you believe that what God has given you is enough and He is working behind the scenes to order your steps and to provide what you need, there is nothing to hang these negatives emotions on. There simply isn't. Dr. Gail Hayes, the CEO of HYBG University, shared how she's always been disliked by women. Her belief is they are that way because they don't know who they are. I agree. You've got to be clear about your own identity. The dean, Greer Holmes, helps people to get clear. Not just about who you are but what you have to offer this world. When you admire and love yourself in a healthy, spiritually-mature way, there's no need for comparison. I'd dare say that when you feel that flutter of negativity towards another woman, it's really about you. There's something inside of you that is broken that needs to be healed. And as Dr. Hayes says, that woman you don't like has the key to your next level.
I am self directed and am very comfortable in that. I move when I feel an inner prompting or an inner curiosity. When I feel pushed to do otherwise, I get frustrated. Perhaps that's because I'm a Middle Child. In many arenas where there is a powerful and confident woman, we tend to admire them, want to follow them and/or envy them. I admire Dr. Hayes and the beautiful, insightful, talented women who comprise her Master Coaching Team.
What I got out of the event was confirmation, inspiration and collaboration. I knew that I was in the right place at the right time. It felt authentic. It felt right. I got so many confirmations from people just sharing and talking and encouraging. These women didn't know they were seconding what my heart had already told me. Lastly, I added more names to my sister circle. More people to collaborate with and perfect my vision and my direction. It wasn't just about seeking friends or networking for me. It was about connecting with whomever God had prepared for me to meet. I leave the rest to Him.
Friday, December 7, 2012
New Territory
With me contributing to a myriad of different E-writing opportunities, I have had to rethink my posts to this blog. My blogs tend to become articles. I don't plan on it, it just happens. To make it more bloggy, I've decided to make this more of a public diary. Not that I plan on telling you what I ate for breakfast or all my business, I do plan on talking more about where I am in the moment.
Sure I am a life coach. But I think it's important for clients to know that I live what I talk about. I have to do the work to get from Point A to Point B too. I seek guidance, wise counsel, coaching to help give insight and accountability.
Tonight while talking with my boyfriend, I realized something. This is the first relationship I've ever had that came to a difficult point that didn't result in weakening the relationship or revealing how weak it was. Though I'm glad on the one hand, on the other, I've never been here before. I know it sounds strange that a woman twice married my age would say that but it's true. What bonded me in past relationships was a need for validation or approval. My independence was praised as long as it meant I didn't require true intimacy. Vulnerability was shunned and I felt cut off. That's not the case in this relationship.
Sure, we're prone to fight-or-flight when we feel threatened with whatever our brand of threat is; but we haven't attacked each other. That's noteworthy. My past tendencies to fire up and let er rip have been tempered by my work with my coach. My hap was to go into defensiveness mode and then attack. Granted, it felt good in the moment but afterwards I'd see such devastation. Then I'd feel guilty and assume responsibility. This absolutely negated my own feelings.
This is new territory for us both but we've decided something. We want to make this work. We've found a safe place and we want to make a home there.
It requires bonding as a couple as well as dealing with our individual issues. If this will bring us to a whole and authentic space, it'll be so worth it. I am hopeful.
Sure I am a life coach. But I think it's important for clients to know that I live what I talk about. I have to do the work to get from Point A to Point B too. I seek guidance, wise counsel, coaching to help give insight and accountability.
Tonight while talking with my boyfriend, I realized something. This is the first relationship I've ever had that came to a difficult point that didn't result in weakening the relationship or revealing how weak it was. Though I'm glad on the one hand, on the other, I've never been here before. I know it sounds strange that a woman twice married my age would say that but it's true. What bonded me in past relationships was a need for validation or approval. My independence was praised as long as it meant I didn't require true intimacy. Vulnerability was shunned and I felt cut off. That's not the case in this relationship.
Sure, we're prone to fight-or-flight when we feel threatened with whatever our brand of threat is; but we haven't attacked each other. That's noteworthy. My past tendencies to fire up and let er rip have been tempered by my work with my coach. My hap was to go into defensiveness mode and then attack. Granted, it felt good in the moment but afterwards I'd see such devastation. Then I'd feel guilty and assume responsibility. This absolutely negated my own feelings.
This is new territory for us both but we've decided something. We want to make this work. We've found a safe place and we want to make a home there.
It requires bonding as a couple as well as dealing with our individual issues. If this will bring us to a whole and authentic space, it'll be so worth it. I am hopeful.
Thursday, December 6, 2012
It's A Wonderful Life
It started last night. I looked at my new business page on Facebook with the same 3 Likes. Shaking my head, I couldn't figure what was wrong. I had contacted everyone on my Yahoo address list, inviting them to Like my new page. Nothing.
I had deactivated my personal profile in an effort to transition from using Facebook as a social medium to using it as a platform for my coaching practice. I meant well, but things weren't going as I had hoped. Each day, I'd log on only to find the same three people. Sigh. Then the lightbulb came on. Perhaps I deactivated my page prematurely, I thought. I jumped back on Facebook, reactivated my personal profile page and started sending private messages to my friends list and posting invites on the timelines of groups I had joined. In less than 24 hours, I have 71 Likes and climbing. The outpouring has been remarkable. Folks aren't just liking my page but they are sending me "of courses" and "certainly's" and well wishes and votes of confidence.
Reminds me of the classic Christmas movie, It's a Wonderful Life. Actor, Jimmy Stewart, portrays a disheartened George Bailey. For years, he continued his father's legacy of helping the folks of his small town. He granted them loan extensions and other financial breaks but when his bank went belly up, folks started demanding their money. Overcome with anxiety, George did as many folks do: got drunk and drove like a bat out of hell down the road. He ends up wrecking his car and wishing he were never born. Fortunately, or maybe not so fortunately, an angel granted him that wish.
Through a series of twists and turns reminiscent of Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol, the angel accompanies him through what life would have been like had he never been born. When he realizes that life without the ones he loves is no life at all and how so many people's lives were better because he was born, he prays that he get his life back. Through tear-stained eyes, he hears someone calling his name and realizes that he has been given such a wonderful gift. With snow sloshing all around, he runs through his house calling for his wife and kids. She comes in and he showers her and the kids with kisses completely unaware of the miracle that has happened. Within moments, the townspeople he's helped over the years turn out in overwhelming numbers with money to help him. I'm not getting money -- YET -- but the outpouring of love from my friends and friends of friends is just as wealthy.
Truly, I am basking in God's favor! It's a wonderful life!
I had deactivated my personal profile in an effort to transition from using Facebook as a social medium to using it as a platform for my coaching practice. I meant well, but things weren't going as I had hoped. Each day, I'd log on only to find the same three people. Sigh. Then the lightbulb came on. Perhaps I deactivated my page prematurely, I thought. I jumped back on Facebook, reactivated my personal profile page and started sending private messages to my friends list and posting invites on the timelines of groups I had joined. In less than 24 hours, I have 71 Likes and climbing. The outpouring has been remarkable. Folks aren't just liking my page but they are sending me "of courses" and "certainly's" and well wishes and votes of confidence.
Reminds me of the classic Christmas movie, It's a Wonderful Life. Actor, Jimmy Stewart, portrays a disheartened George Bailey. For years, he continued his father's legacy of helping the folks of his small town. He granted them loan extensions and other financial breaks but when his bank went belly up, folks started demanding their money. Overcome with anxiety, George did as many folks do: got drunk and drove like a bat out of hell down the road. He ends up wrecking his car and wishing he were never born. Fortunately, or maybe not so fortunately, an angel granted him that wish.
Through a series of twists and turns reminiscent of Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol, the angel accompanies him through what life would have been like had he never been born. When he realizes that life without the ones he loves is no life at all and how so many people's lives were better because he was born, he prays that he get his life back. Through tear-stained eyes, he hears someone calling his name and realizes that he has been given such a wonderful gift. With snow sloshing all around, he runs through his house calling for his wife and kids. She comes in and he showers her and the kids with kisses completely unaware of the miracle that has happened. Within moments, the townspeople he's helped over the years turn out in overwhelming numbers with money to help him. I'm not getting money -- YET -- but the outpouring of love from my friends and friends of friends is just as wealthy.
Truly, I am basking in God's favor! It's a wonderful life!
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
Ponderings of An Aging Woman
It's hard to believe that in 22 days I'll be 53. One thing that I've noticed right off is my reflection in the mirror still looks okay but my recent pictures are revealing that the camera doesn't love me like it use to. Unless I stand in the perfect lighting, the wrinkles, the weakening eye sockets and the loss of elasticity in my face are very apparent. I ain't gon lie. I don't like aging. I really don't. At the same time, it makes me ponder what I have that shines brighter than my outward appearance. After all, as you age, beauty fades. And at a certain age, botoxing and face lifting and nip tucking just starts looking....well....wrong.
Now, don't get it twisted. As long as I have an ounce of vanity, I plan on being a Diva. Class, elegance and poise are ageless and so is style. Can I get an Amen?! I'm not going to say that one day I won't have some work done to help a sistah out. Contrary to what many celebrity women are doing, I don't want to look like I've had work done. Just like makeup, a little body work or face work is suppose to only enhance what you already have going for you. When it's overdone, it looks unattractive.
I have to admit, sometimes I start feeling insecure. It's not all-consuming but every now and then, I hear that gentle reminder, "Guuuurl, you gettin oldddddddd."
Will my boyfriend still think I'm hot as I continue to age?
We tell ourselves it's what's inside that counts, but c'mon now. Any woman who loves her man wants to keep that sexual tension poppin. She doesn't want to go through a lot of trouble--the high heels, the weaves, the thongs--but she does want his head to turn or his eyes to do that shift thingy that men's eyes do when they are checking you out. I love it when I'm talking to my boyfriend and his eyes do that double blink when I enter the room ready to go out with him. Or when he slips his arm around my waist as if to tell all the other fellas, "Yeah, I know she's fine and she's mine. So you'd better recognize and jump back, Jack."
In a conversation Oprah was having with one of her guests about how you can tell if a man is in love with a woman, they agreed it's that his eyes light up. I know the day will come that I will stop turning heads and stopping traffic. It's inevitable. Okay, I never stopped traffic but you feel me. Eyes that once lit when I entered a room will look right pass me. I just hope that my love's eyes will still shine and he'll continue to rush to open the door or to grab the groceries for me because he still feels like the luckiest man alive.
Sunday, December 2, 2012
Drama Free
The beauty of being on the precipice of 53 years old is coming to a place of acceptance more quickly. I definitely am not exempt from rises and falls, bright spots and dark places, juggling different components of my life and evaluating when I should fight for and when I should simply let go.
There is a story in the Old Testament of King David where he fasted, prayed and begged God to spare the life of his baby with Bathsheba. When he received word that his child had died, he got up and went on about his life. Baffled, those around him inquired as to how he could do that. He simply said that as long as his child lived there was a chance for recovery but now his child was dead. There was nothing left to do. I cannot compare the events of this past week with David's process. It pales in comparison. But for the sake of making my point of acceptance, I can say this. Relationships have difficult places. Those I compare to category 1 earthquakes. You barely feel them. Contrary to this are our category 10 quakes. Those happen very seldomly--every 1000 years to be exact. But those are most devastating.
Feeling the undeniable strength of a relationship earthquake, I began to assess the strength of my foundation. This required that I take a look at the cracks that had been growing underneath my feet that now could not be ignored. I prayed for illumination. I consulted with family and friends. I prayed some more. Two things came out of this evaluation:
(1) I was afraid. What triggered my fear was becoming very sick and feeling vulnerable and alone. This sent a shock through everything that wasn't stable. Isn't that just like life? An earthquake, even a small tremor, will dismantle anything that might appear to be okay or manageable and make it fall to the floor and break into thousands of tiny pieces.
Though I feel a strong impulse to fight-or-flight when I feel vulnerable and alone, I had to stay that feeling. Talking to trusted friends and family helped stabilize me. I became aware that I cannot leave something due to fear. In the past, when I've done that, I've secondguessed what I did or what I said.
Lesson: Don't run off into the dark when you are spooked. You can't see where you're going and everything looks ominous. Wait until the light comes on before you make a move.
(2) Though talking to family and friends helped give me more perspective, I wasn't content until I heard the voice of my Wisest Self. There is a passage from the Bible--I can't tell you where it is--that says, "the entrance of your Word brings Light." What immediately comes to mind is sitting around the table, trying to figure something out. Then someone enters with the answer. The entrance of Truth settles all conflicts both internal and external. When that happens, I no longer need to consult with anyone else. I know what you must do.
This is what keeps me from becoming a victim. People come into our lives as mirrors. We all struggle with the image as long as we keep seeing the other person. But when we see ourselves, transformation takes place. Anything we are going through isn't about the other person; it has come to teach us something about ourselves. It has come to bring us to a more conscious place. It comes to show us what is out of order inside of us and what we must do to change that.
The final question I asked myself was "is this giving me what I need?" Not want, but truly need. Once you know that, it's easy to decide what to do even if prior to that you had a strong emotional attachment. Either that person is going to give that to you or they are not. Either they can or they cannot. No reason to villify them for it. Release them to find their own authentic path. It save you a great deal of angst and drama.
Lesson: Do not make a permanent decision based in your ego, i.e., guilt, shame, blame, or what other people think you should do. Rather, wait until your Wisest Self speaks. Then and only then will your decision be the right one. This will bring you into a drama free space and you can breathe again.
There is a story in the Old Testament of King David where he fasted, prayed and begged God to spare the life of his baby with Bathsheba. When he received word that his child had died, he got up and went on about his life. Baffled, those around him inquired as to how he could do that. He simply said that as long as his child lived there was a chance for recovery but now his child was dead. There was nothing left to do. I cannot compare the events of this past week with David's process. It pales in comparison. But for the sake of making my point of acceptance, I can say this. Relationships have difficult places. Those I compare to category 1 earthquakes. You barely feel them. Contrary to this are our category 10 quakes. Those happen very seldomly--every 1000 years to be exact. But those are most devastating.
Feeling the undeniable strength of a relationship earthquake, I began to assess the strength of my foundation. This required that I take a look at the cracks that had been growing underneath my feet that now could not be ignored. I prayed for illumination. I consulted with family and friends. I prayed some more. Two things came out of this evaluation:
(1) I was afraid. What triggered my fear was becoming very sick and feeling vulnerable and alone. This sent a shock through everything that wasn't stable. Isn't that just like life? An earthquake, even a small tremor, will dismantle anything that might appear to be okay or manageable and make it fall to the floor and break into thousands of tiny pieces.
Though I feel a strong impulse to fight-or-flight when I feel vulnerable and alone, I had to stay that feeling. Talking to trusted friends and family helped stabilize me. I became aware that I cannot leave something due to fear. In the past, when I've done that, I've secondguessed what I did or what I said.
Lesson: Don't run off into the dark when you are spooked. You can't see where you're going and everything looks ominous. Wait until the light comes on before you make a move.
(2) Though talking to family and friends helped give me more perspective, I wasn't content until I heard the voice of my Wisest Self. There is a passage from the Bible--I can't tell you where it is--that says, "the entrance of your Word brings Light." What immediately comes to mind is sitting around the table, trying to figure something out. Then someone enters with the answer. The entrance of Truth settles all conflicts both internal and external. When that happens, I no longer need to consult with anyone else. I know what you must do.
This is what keeps me from becoming a victim. People come into our lives as mirrors. We all struggle with the image as long as we keep seeing the other person. But when we see ourselves, transformation takes place. Anything we are going through isn't about the other person; it has come to teach us something about ourselves. It has come to bring us to a more conscious place. It comes to show us what is out of order inside of us and what we must do to change that.
The final question I asked myself was "is this giving me what I need?" Not want, but truly need. Once you know that, it's easy to decide what to do even if prior to that you had a strong emotional attachment. Either that person is going to give that to you or they are not. Either they can or they cannot. No reason to villify them for it. Release them to find their own authentic path. It save you a great deal of angst and drama.
Lesson: Do not make a permanent decision based in your ego, i.e., guilt, shame, blame, or what other people think you should do. Rather, wait until your Wisest Self speaks. Then and only then will your decision be the right one. This will bring you into a drama free space and you can breathe again.
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