I am grateful for today's fast from EGO.  I was presented with a challenge that had been in the back of my mind but I had prayed and told God I wasn't going to worry.  I'd trust Him to resolve it whatever He chose.  Well, while writing my earlier blog, I heard a whisper inside.  "Let them know how you feel," was what I heard.  You see, what is familiar is to avoid uncomfortable situations.  To tell myself that it's no big deal.  Oftentimes, letting somebody know that something they did was not okay is not the easiest thing. I tend to struggle with denial as a result. However, I knew in that moment that I would betray myself if I wasn't honest about my feelings and why.   

As I have admitted in previous blogs, articles and conversations, my problem isn't standing up for myself.  When I feel the internal motivation to do it, I'll assert my truth and will defend it valiantly.  The problem is how a person responds causes me to second-guess myself.  I feel guilt or shame if they get upset. 

I know where this comes from.  It takes me back to times I would tell my dad how I really felt about something that he did.  In a perfect world, he would say, "Baby, I'm sorry.  I didn't mean to make you feel that way.  Please forgive me."  Well, my world was far from perfect.  After all these years, I still get queasy when I open up with someone about something I think they won't like hearing.  Blame or shame is the byproduct unless they take my truth well.  Trouble is, everybody doesn't do that.  And there's absolutely nothing wrong with it.  They must have the right to respond in whatever manner they see fit.  They might not agree.  They might not see it.  And they might challenge me, get upset or blame me for their discomfort.  There is always that risk.  What I've learned however is this.  Behaving as if you're okay with something when you're not is not fair to the other person.  Furthermore, it is a betrayal of your soul.  Pretending is hypocrisy.  Going along to get along breeds resentment.  The dishonesty edges God out.  And the smoldering resentment edges God out.  No matter how we try to put a spin on it, it edges God out.

I am fasting from edging God out.  Certainly, I have some growing and some healing left to do.  Just the same, I've heard a quote and I truly believe it.  We teach people how to treat us.  Another one is People don't betray us.  We betray ourselves.  At the end of the day, I'd rather be disliked for my authenticity than to be liked for my pretense.