A Time to Heal

Last night was the second meeting of those interested in being Camp Leaders for the local nonprofit, The Encouraging Place.  In a word?  Inspired.  To hear the experiences of the camp leaders, who so willingly shared their personal testimonies, reinforced that I was in the right place.  These are women who have dealt with life's tragedies and traumas but have come out with grace, compassion and yes, encouragement for all women.  Their honesty caused tears to well up in my eyes almost the whole time. 

Quite unexpected, I was reunited with one of the first employees at my ex-husband's company.  I didn't recognize her until she said her name.  This was a God moment.  I felt it in every fiber of my being.  Immediately, I knew what I had to do.  The facilitator told us to take a break and get something to eat.  I walked straight to her, hugged her, kneeled down and asked for her forgiveness.  She looked surprised and said, "Why?"  I told her that I knew it had been many years ago but I felt I owed her an apology.  She wasn't treated well by the company and, because I was a part of its leadership, I wanted to personally apologize.  Did I hurt her directly?  I hope I didn't.  But I remember how crazy things were back then.  To the employees, my ex-husband and I presented ourselves as a unit, so as such, I was just as responsible. 

What life is teaching me is this.  It's not whether you feel the other person is right or wrong; it's respect or regard for how that person feels.  As caring people, we should never want to cause anyone suffering. When we do want to retaliate, we have to check ourselves because we've entered on territory that, as a Christian, I believe is God's.  "Vengence is mine.  I will repay," the Bible says.  That's why I avoid saying to someone, "I'm sorry IF you felt I did something to hurt you."  You can tell by the discomfort between you, the look in their eyes, the person actually telling you or the regret in your own heart.  I didn't go to her out of guilt but out of Love and regard for how difficult it must have been for her.  And no, I didn't throw my ex-husband under the bus.  This wasn't about blame.  Besides, what would it have served?  It was totally about acknowledging her and whatever part I played.   That's what empathy is.  Putting yourself in someone else's shoes.

I thank God for that moment.  It was sacred.  For this gift, I am grateful.